General Music Chat

I dunno. Hate to be the bad guy here, but I think it should be a LOT more modern in its approach. Sounds like an old 80's thing to me. Even the Bond stuff tries to be current, I think, often. It's really too short to be used in the opening credits of a flick, too. You're right - the fade-out is cheesy.

Hey that's not being the "bad guy" to give a good critique bro.

I tried to modernize it, and maintain the main elements of the old... i.e. the horns doing the main riffs.

The modern elements I tried to include were...

1) A modern melody, which is a little alternative
2) Electronic Bass line, close to "techno" or "house" style.
3) Blaring lead guitar riffs

If the combination of old and new is not coming across well enough, I need to go back to the drawing board a little more. Maybe increase the presence of the DANCE BASS I used, or dilute the song a little more? Meaning, maybe the full arrangement is covering up the "new" a little too much.

And I agree on the ending. I wanted to get the song done, and figured I could always re-work the ending when I got some time. I definitely want to do that sometime soon.

Thanks for the critique brother!

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Craig, if you had been born here you'd probably be Kid Rock's protege instead of Uncle Cracker.

The thing I would work on is the lyrics. There needs to be more of them, and more thought in them. Also the title needs to be more "titley": For example:

Yours:

Here In The Mist

Here in the mist, your voice is calling
Here in the mist, and I am falling, for you
What else can I do, I'm so in love with you

Instead:

Lost In Love

"Lost in the mist, I hear you calling
Alone in the mist, the world around me falling
There's nothing left to do
But keep searching for you"

Instead of just being "here in the mist" the singer is lost, alone, with his world crumbling down and the only thing he can do is search for his true love.

You can still vary the last two lines as you did in other verses:

"No matter what I do
I'll be looking for you"

"What else can I do?
Forever lost in love with you"

Save this last one for the last verse because it mentions the title. This ties it all together for the listener.

Use or not use this as you like.

Thanks for the suggestions Jimmy!

"Here in the mist" got stuck in my head from a LONG TIME AGO. The first little parts of the song's lyrics, and even part of the melody, is something I did in my head, a long time ago, when I first wanted to do something like this. I never forgot it, obviously, and used it as a base to build on.

I may change all the lyrics, who knows?

I realize they are simplistic.

The fact that it stands out to you, means I need to work on that.

I would probably not do most of the lyrics you suggested, but I can follow the spirit of your suggestion and definitely improve them.

Your words are good from a lyrical meaning standpoint, but when I write stuff like this, the rhythm of the lyrics, the flow of them, how they flow out of the mouth even... where the consonants and vowels are... this is just as important to me as the meaning of the lyrics themselves.

When I write stuff that moves, and has a definite groove or strong rhythm to it, it is ESSENTIAL for me, that the "sound" and "rhythm" of the lyrics, continues that groove or rhythm and does not detract from it, meaning take you out of the groove, not even for a moment if possible.

I don't want people nodding their heads and tapping their feet, hopefully transported to another world, suddenly be pulled back out of that world, and stop tapping their feet, thinking... "Oh, what was that? Oh ok, it was nothing... let me get back into the groove now."

Hopefully you understand what I am trying to say, I haven't had coffee yet, and woke up late today, and with a headache from hell.

LOL


I may have to abandon this one, in favor of the other version I played with first, cause the lyrics and theme of that one, are probably more appropriate for a dangerous spy's world.

More along the lines of...


"One more step, and you'll be done
But you won't see it come"

But the suggestion is important, and I'll take it to heart.

Thanks brother!

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Absolutely Craig. I try to put as much thought into the lyrics as I do the music; if there's going to be words, they should tell a story and paint a picture, not just be placeholders.

Keep on keeping on.

Craig I hate the ticking of the HiHat. Ruins the game.
You've done a great job of mimicking the tune though man.

I'd like to hear a more raw voice on you without the reverb frankly.
Actually and this may sound odd? I smelled old 45's when listening to this.

Listening to you is giving me confidence to be honest.
Lot's to do, very little stuff to do it with but......... Aw whatever....

Still hate the HiHat.

hate the HiHat.

When I get some money I am going to invest in a drum program, or maybe switch to loops only. I know I can get better beats out of this thing, but it takes some efffort and programming to do it, and if a song uses a basic beat, I am lazy... I just want to press start and stop.

I'll do it the hard way for customers, but for just laying down my ideas?

I want to be lazy, and use the saved time to write new songs instead!

,

Although,

I am supposed to be able to change each cymbal out, each drum, and put whatever kind I want, and also I am supposed to be able to create my own unique drum kits...

But I'm still learning this thing.

So, perhaps I should start with this, and that would be a compromise for now, till I find what I want, that sounds good, but is not too time consuming.

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Craig,
I'm gonna refrain from raving it up this time around, 'cause I don't wanna contribute to "Maxinum Fatheaditis syndrome" (although I havent heard a bad one yet outa Y'all)

I like Jimmy's lyrical refinements. A little collaboration can go a long way! (Doziar Holand & Doziar: Lennon & McCartney, Rogers and Hart etc,)

I have one bit of criticism for you to consider that you may well regard as trivial , but it is a personal peeve with me. It's the over use of the suffix "-shun". I feel that it's a cheap way out to get words to rhyme, and I have always tried to SHUN them as much as possable. Fortunately for lyricists composing in English, we have access to a lot of synonyms.

Keep 'em comming,

HJ

That'll teach me to post when I'm rushed.
What I was going to say is that the same thing happened to me last week. I'd written the whole drum track only to find that Cym's/HighHats were taking it over. They are a real pain since they are high frequency and your ears can fool you into thinking all is ok.

There, that's better.

Although,
I am supposed to be able to change each cymbal out, each drum, and put whatever kind I want, and also I am supposed to be able to create my own unique drum kits...

But I'm still learning this thing.

So, perhaps I should start with this, and that would be a compromise for now, till I find what I want, that sounds good, but is not too time consuming.

.

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Howlin John,

That was an interesting critique, and it made me go back and listen through the words again.

When I did, I realized what I had done, and must have done it on purpose... LOL - But I don't always think about these things sometimes, they kind of come naturally.

There are two lines in question:

Here in the Mist, a REVELA-SHUN

Here in the Mist, there's no SALVATION for you


I did it on the first one, and not the second.

So I only did it on one of the lines.

I was wondering why I did it on one and not the other, and I realized why.

The first line "dies" and there is a space, until the next line starts.

Whereas the second one, continues into the next line with no hesitation or space in between.

So, what I was doing apparently, was emphasizing the END of REVELA-SHUN, because there is nothing after it, and singing it normally, must have semed too weak to me, where there is not a definitive end to the consanant.

But on the second one, I sing it normally, because it flows right into the next line, and doesn't need the extra emphasis.

I suppose there is nothing "wrong" with singing the first line normally, and not putting a difinitive END on the consanant.

Hmm...

I'll have to think about that one.

Maybe I can find a better "balance" between the two.

Cause I don't want the consanant to feel "faded" when it is at a STRONG PART to the song.

Listen to it again, and make sure you aren't just "LOOKING" for that, since as you mentioned, it is a pet peeve of yours, and maybe heightens your awareness of it, compared with others.

Cause it's only on the one: REVELA-SHUN and not on the SALVATION.

But definitely tell me, if you still find it a problem.

I certainly don't want to be a "cheesy" artist.

Thanks for the help!

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