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#88004 by fisherman bob
Thu Oct 29, 2009 3:12 am
A long time ago Blues had a baby and they named it Country, then about fifty years later Country had a baby and they named it Rock and Roll. Somewhere in the middle of that a baby was born who grew up taking hallucinogens and played all kinds of experimental music, they named it Jazz...

#88005 by Ryan_Strain
Thu Oct 29, 2009 3:21 am
Aaaand now we have Kanye West...I may throw up.

#88007 by fisherman bob
Thu Oct 29, 2009 3:27 am
There you go giving Kanye a little more PR. The best thing you can do is not even mention him at all...

#88009 by Ryan_Strain
Thu Oct 29, 2009 3:30 am
Mention who? :lol:

#88034 by jimmydanger
Thu Oct 29, 2009 12:05 pm
Raw power is more than soul
Got a son called rock and roll...

#88046 by Kramerguy
Thu Oct 29, 2009 2:04 pm
and rock and roll had a gay son, and named him "emo"

:shock:

:D :D :D :D

#88049 by Starfish Scott
Thu Oct 29, 2009 2:44 pm
Emo was stillborn with flippers for arms and legs.

#88055 by philbymon
Thu Oct 29, 2009 3:09 pm
Methinks your time-line is misconstrued.

As the Celtic ppl's ran from the powers that be, they headed into the hills of Appalachia, where they found that smoking the blue grass will make you very thirsty for corn drippings.

Meanwhile...well, actually, way before this occured...the slave ships brought the blues to many of the forced immigrants, & they sang them a capella, since they couldn't afford instruments.

As time went by, the newly freed ppl began to alter their beloved blues, mostly because they were bored with them, & things really weren't as bad as they once had been, & jazzier sounds began to erupt from the southern villages as ppl now had enough money to buy instruments.

However, the landholders who once brought these immigrants to the country, FINALLY began to listen to their blues, &, since they could afford instruments, they began to play the blues (poorly, cuz they had little or no real rhythm). This new form of the blues encountered the Appalachian bluegrass sound, which then became country music, with a twist of lime.

The jazzists started to explore yet more musical territory, & found that certain rhythms & dance styles could get them laid, & rock & roll was born in the back seat of an old Dodge when Albert plooked Peggy Sue.

The rhythmless ppls still trying to invent country music got all caught up in trying to get laid, too, & Elvis started thrusting his hips, which drove the girls crazy, for some reason, & rock & roll soon became main-stream.

However, as these music styles continued to evolve simultaneously, they began to fracture into factions - rhythm & blues, the motor city sound, the philly cheese steak, and broken speakers begat distorted sounds for the masses.

Then the country fried rockabillistic poets found drugs, & the entire music scene changed once again. Psychodelica, funky smelly dance shoes, methed-up speed metal, & candy corn seemed to be all the rage with various groups of women (which is the only reason ppl played music at all in those dark years).

Eventually, all of this led to the invention of rap, which calls for geting laid even more than any other music form, as well as bitch-slapping, cap-popping, & serial killing. Also invented was the screamo (which seems to be a direct result of ppl trying to avoid the cap-popper rappist), emo (which bewails the results of said cap-popping), & electro (which has no relation to any form of music at all).

Somewhere in there, there was a fusing of classical with the more modern instruments, & the more modern lack of actual creativity or ability to play one's instrument, & new age was born & died quickly, except for the undead Yanni.

#88058 by Starfish Scott
Thu Oct 29, 2009 3:13 pm
LOL BEST OF BANDMIX ^^^^^^^^^^^above..

My stomach hurts, I laughed so hard.

#88076 by philbymon
Thu Oct 29, 2009 5:12 pm
Ooops!

I neglected to mention Standard Pop, which was the favorite mixer of the drunken Rat Pack.

Also ignored was Newgrass, which became most popular with the hemp-wearing modern pseudo-hippie, due to the high THC content.

Soul was the result of blues-infused jiggly legs syndrome, & was quite popular for many years, until it was discovered that Marvin Gaye really WAS...but that didn't stop The Godfather Of Soul from beating up his wives with much musical glee & some great dance steps, & I suspect that it also inspired Jerry Lee Lewis to off his kissing cousin of a wife...perhaps all of this sort of sexual violence is what led us to rapping about big butts & the love thereof while popping a cap in your rivals...

Art rock was caused by over-educated classical musicians who had no taste whatsoever, but had a great sense of lighting & lots of weird album covers to justify their unusual presense in a completely lackluster period in the annals of modern music.

Southern rock was a direct ripoff of the blues, with a country nasal twang, which now has become simply "country," though its roots have nothing whatsoever countrified about them. Of course, this more modern form of country requires the inclusion of such lyrical content as "eagles flying," or mention of trains, or horses, or beer, or patriotism in one form or another, even if they have nothing whatsoever to do with the rest of the song. Also necessary is a big cowboy hat, large belt buckle, & cowboy boots, even if the "artist" has never seen a real live horse in person.

It all seems to revolve around the blues, which is still most popular with the biker gangs, soccer moms, & heroin addicts, as long as Brittney Spears or John Tesh aren't covering them...

The advent of American Idol, however, has surely signalled the end of music as we know it, with the never-ending warbled & yodelled scales & slutty outfits for the menfolk, while perpetrating the rumor that Paula Abdul can actually sing her way off the program & become yet another Las Vegas stripper wannabe, as Simon continues to insult everyone at every opportunity, & Randy flashes his vast collection of stupid-looking glasses, & that new chick whose name no one can remember just sits & bubbles effervescently at one & all...

Yes, we have finally reached the day the music died...

#88079 by Ryan_Strain
Thu Oct 29, 2009 5:37 pm
But the Metal has and always will stand strong. YOU CANNOT DESTROY THE METAL!

#88086 by mistermikev
Thu Oct 29, 2009 5:58 pm
Kramerguy wrote:and rock and roll had a gay son, and named him "emo"

:shock:

:D :D :D :D


has emo become the modern day equivalent of disco? very few musical styles have been give such been subject to such levels of hatred.

#88090 by philbymon
Thu Oct 29, 2009 6:18 pm
Yeah, metal still lives...with the performers...but the audience has either died or gotten rusted.

#88091 by mistermikev
Thu Oct 29, 2009 6:33 pm
philbymon wrote:Yeah, metal still lives...with the performers...but the audience has either died or gotten rusted.

hehehehehehehe

it's certainly not what they are showing on mtv anymore is it? I remember the headbangers ball... mtv was nothing but metal at one point. now it's nothing but reality shows intermixed with hip hop. Can't think of a metal song making the top 40 in the last 8 - 10 years tho there are certainly lots of young folk who caught in that style. I guess it's huge in brazil.

#88094 by Ryan_Strain
Thu Oct 29, 2009 7:28 pm
Us metal-heads are still here...We're lying dormant, waiting for our time to strike. And annually, we hold secret meetings at an event called Mayhem Festival...but you didn't hear that from me...

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