Mike,
We cannot always be sure what we are made of until it is tested in the most serious or desperate of circumstances. People get trapped on a lifeboat out in the ocean, days go by, no fresh water, the sun baking everyone. Many times it is the jock who ACTED so tough that breaks first, while the normally timid geek, may remain composed and be the one with the clear head, holding everyone together, keeping them hanging on, believing and surviving until they are rescued.
I don't care how sure ANYONE is of themselves, until it matters, until they are tried by the most serious of circumstances, they cannot ever be completely sure, how they will react.
When I was a young child, I was in some kind of Sunday School camp for summer. The minister was telling the children about all the suffering the disciples of Jesus endured. He told the kids that even though these men of God were tortured until death, that they felt no pain, because God shielded them from the pain. He performed a magic trick, burning a handkerchief and then showing afterward, that there were no burn marks on it, as a way of expressing how untouched the martyrs of God were.
Something or someone, spoke to me in that sanctuary and told me basically, that this minister was "full of sh*t!" (no, that wasn't the word used. LOL) but I KNEW, I KNEW that they very well did, feel that excrutiating pain, and that they endured unto death anyway, without losing their testimony, without denying the name of Jesus.
I had some kind of feeling, even then at 8 years old or whatever I was, that in the distant future, I also would be tortured and tested for my faith. And it bothered me, beyond words, not knowing whether I could endure the pain, that I knew would accompany those trials, and not deny God in order to save myself from the pain.
I remember that it bothered me for a long time. I imagined what someone could do to you... pulling fingernails off slowly, putting salt on the blood and open wounds. I knew that with all my heart, I wanted to endure anything required, to serve God and be loyal to Him, but as a child, I just didn't know whether I could bear pain without end.
Several times now, as an adult, I have put myself in harm's risk, to save someone'e life. Only after, did I realize that I never once thought about my safety, I just ran to save the people who were in death's grasp. It made me feel good, that I had that kind of heart, to run into harm's way and not realize how dangerous what you had done was, until you thought about it later. It felt good because, I knew I couldn't really know that about myself, until the circumstances actually occurred.
But risking your own life to save another, is NOT the same thing as enduring endless and vicious torture, day after day. John McCain endured such torture for an average of 5 days a week, for 5 or 6 years straight. Which is why he is so stiff now, and cannot lift his arms above his head. Even he broke. He shares about it in his autobiography, which I read quite a few years ago. He was delerious from the beatings, and signed something or made a statement that they wanted from him.
It bothers him to this day, that he even made that one small mistake.
His father, an Admiral, told him when he came home, that he should not feel ashamed. That EVERYONE breaks. It's just a matter of what it takes to get them there. He told his son he was proud of him, that he endured longer than most, and the next day, went right back to defiance, only inviting harsher torture as a result.
So, I don't know what I am fully capable of. I cannot know this, unless or until, that day or those years, present themselves.
I don't think anyone can know...
Until they REALLY know.
Last edited by CraigMaxim on Sat Aug 22, 2009 4:42 pm, edited 2 times in total.
