Sarina wrote:Okay guys, here is a song that i wrote a long ass time ago about my ex that i think she needs to read.
You Will Never Be Me!!
V1:
I see him holding you; I try not to loose my mind.
He used to be mine, until you came along.
I know you don't really want to be with him.
You just want to get back at me for taking him back.
Pre C1:
I only wish you knew, what he says to me about you.
You can't do all the things that I can do.
Try as you might, try to please him like I used to.
You will Never Be Me!
C1:
Girl, if you only knew what you do to him.
He looks at me, the way he used to when we used to be.
Oh, if you only knew how wrong you are if you think that
you can ever be me.
V2:
Think of all the good times, but don't think he doesn't know
about all your little plans for him.
He knows all about your scheme for revenge on me!
He was mine, until you took him away from me.
Pre C2:
I only wish you knew how much you hurt him,
when you talk to that other guy.
You will never be able to do the things that I can do.
Try as you might, to please him like I used to.
(Scream-O part -->) YOU WILL NEVER BE ME!!
C2: When you, get through, with him send him my way.
He knows that my heart is his no matter what you do.
So many times I hear him cry.
I honestly can’t believe you would put him through that and make him cry as much as you do!!
What do I need to change on it?? I feel like there is something missing. I need to know what to change on it. I need HELP!!!
Sarina, I’m confused by your statement “Okay guys, here is a song that i wrote a long ass time ago about my ex that i think she needs to read”. Is the ex you care about the guy or the girl? ^.^
Either way, here is my version of the song. I’m coming from the standpoint of the girl being burned by her best friend, and being the vindictive person that I am, it’s payback time with words that cut to the heart.
I think you have talent that with a little focus on clarity will bring out some creative lyric writing.
If you have a story to tell, make sure you identify the problem and the solution, and use a chorus that brings home the central theme. AND, sing it like that’s how you feel right now.
This is a little angry for my personal taste, but then again, so is British Folk music ^.^
**********************************************
I'm trying hard not to lose my mind, it cuts deep to know that you're there,
I know he doesn’t want to be with you, his empty gaze when he’s with you makes that clear.
I remember the day you walked in, that anxious look in your eyes,
that gaze of contempt you had for me, and all your [screamo?]****ing lies.[/b]
You seemed somewhat pleased to tell me, that you and he were a thing.
What did I do to burn you, why did you want me to see?
Let's have a little talk my friend, there's a secret I want to share.
Some things he says about you, I think that it’s only fair.
It kind of warms my heart to tell you, I've been waiting to share for so long!
Those dirty things that you do for him, they really don’t come close to compare.
Chorus:
You think that you can please him, the way I used to do.
You think that you're as good as me, but here's what he says about you.
"There isn't even a comparison my dear, I think I was wrong to leave!"
You see, no matter how hard you try, *screamo* "YOU WILL NEVER BE ME!"
** if this is a death metal song, here would be a great place for some heavy guitar.
If it's country western, break out the slide guitar and fiddle. **
If you could only see him look toward me, while I walk past and you're in his arms.
If you only knew what he thinks about you, that you’re a puppet he’s going to discard.
So gloat all you want while you’re riding high, but don't think he’s blind to your ways,
He knows you’re playing him to spite me, he knows there’s another place you stay!
Chorus 2:
You will never be able to make him see, any true sense of commitment towards him.
Try all you want, to please him dear friend. (Scream-O part -->) YOU WILL NEVER BE ME!!
** more cowbell **
When you get through with him (sarcasm), rather when he cuts your strings,
Send him back my way and I’ll show him the real thing.
Chorus:
You think that you can please him, the way I used to do.
You think that you're as good as me, but here's what he says about you.
"There isn't even a comparison my dear, I think I was wrong to leave!"
You see, no matter how hard you try, "YOU WILL NEVER BE ME!"
*** bagpipes ***
The more I practice, the more time I wish I had to practice
I post my band's progression / findings here::
passionfly.site/chat
temporary image gallery: passionfly.smugmug dotcom
Join us, give us feedback - talk music, talk UFO's, just don't talk politics and no one will get hurt! haha.
I post my band's progression / findings here::
passionfly.site/chat
temporary image gallery: passionfly.smugmug dotcom
Join us, give us feedback - talk music, talk UFO's, just don't talk politics and no one will get hurt! haha.
