Hello RG and Dave,
As I said in my critique further back, Distant Smiles was the song that caught my ear as your best.
When I first aquired my Tascam I made a CD of songs from my youth to get all my old stuff that I could still remember or re construct down on tape for posterity, and one of my songs was called Distant Smiles, though a very different song to yours of course.
I was just going to add to my previous comment on your song, that the vocal harmonies in each first line were a nice weave of cross over and invertion... the echo voice (I mean the sung line that follows each verse line) is a little corny perhaps though okay; but where the song has its stops of pace... I mean where the drums stop for a verse; in these bits I would lose those echos of the vocal line after each line of the verse, then if you like bring it back where the drums pick up the pace again.
Thinking as I type here: try changing those sung vocal echos in the slow verse, for a simply spoken one?
Hearing Lazy Hazy now, and have to say it goes round and round one rather one rather tedious synth melody with no great promise of better things!
Though with no words I guess I am hearing it as an instrumental solo, where it was planned as a song perhaps?
Thanks for letting us sharpen our critical claws on your stuff Dave! It's so much easier than looking at what's lacking in our own material!
Cheers from across the pond to some, and you Dave up in Brummy land,
Mark................
As I said in my critique further back, Distant Smiles was the song that caught my ear as your best.
When I first aquired my Tascam I made a CD of songs from my youth to get all my old stuff that I could still remember or re construct down on tape for posterity, and one of my songs was called Distant Smiles, though a very different song to yours of course.
I was just going to add to my previous comment on your song, that the vocal harmonies in each first line were a nice weave of cross over and invertion... the echo voice (I mean the sung line that follows each verse line) is a little corny perhaps though okay; but where the song has its stops of pace... I mean where the drums stop for a verse; in these bits I would lose those echos of the vocal line after each line of the verse, then if you like bring it back where the drums pick up the pace again.
Thinking as I type here: try changing those sung vocal echos in the slow verse, for a simply spoken one?
Hearing Lazy Hazy now, and have to say it goes round and round one rather one rather tedious synth melody with no great promise of better things!
Though with no words I guess I am hearing it as an instrumental solo, where it was planned as a song perhaps?
Thanks for letting us sharpen our critical claws on your stuff Dave! It's so much easier than looking at what's lacking in our own material!
Cheers from across the pond to some, and you Dave up in Brummy land,
Mark................
