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How do you deal with difficult personalities in your band?

The ones that always contradict everything you say?

The ones that think you should be the butt of all their sarcastic b.s. that isn't really that funny, and that went out of style somewhere on the sixth grade bus?

The ones that always cast doubt upon every decision the band might make, and never have anything positive to say about anything?

The chronically late? The drug-addled and or drunken idiots who just don't care?

How about the ones that take every thing you say as a personal attack? Their favorite line is usually "Don't tell me what to do! I know how to play my part!" Usually these types will have all kinds of negative criticism about your playing, and won't be shy about saying so. Even when they are dead wrong..

There seems to be no shortage of these types of personality disorders, and many many more, whenever I try to work with others who claim to be 'proffessional' musicians.

There will always be at least one, in every band out there, whether they are a gigging band or not. I've been through so many. Forever at the start, as they say.

I used to think that maybe it was me, but after years in this business, I now realize that there is a serious shortage of serious people, willing to dedicate and work together.

There is however, no shortage of complete and utter time wasters.

Attitude is everything, and I'm getting very discouraged in my old age, with the overabundance of terrible attitudes, everywhere I look, all claiming to be 'the best there is'.

I'm seriously considering hanging it all up. I can't take it anymore.

What tactics do you employ when dealing with difficult personality disorders?

I usually replace them as soon as possible, as long as it isn't me.

There are times that ppl are just having a rough time, & it might seem out of the ordinary for them to act this way. You need to lighten up when this happens, esp in front of the rest of the group. Take them aside & talk with them about their concerns & troubles, & LISTEN more than talk. Don't offer advice unless it's asked for. Most times when ppl are going through crap they just want to vent, & be left to figure things out later. You gotta give 'em that.

When there is a person with on-going issues, however, they too need to be stopped. Again, take them aside, tell them their behavior is not working for the band. If they don't straighten up, they're gone. Simple as that.

Druggies & drunks are a whole nuther problem. I simply tell them they can't do it while we are WORKING, just like they can't do it at their day jobs. Next time there's a problem the whole band hasta jump their shyte. 3rd time they're OUT! no questions or reprieves.

Of course, replacing key problem members is rarely "simple," but it's all you can do for the good of the band. And when you DO have to treplace them, they usually discover that they really AREN'T "the best there is."

Good luck with your problem child. Hope it works out for you all.

Oh the pains in my ass Ive had to deal with. Its always the same thing over and over again. Joe doest like the way don plays billy bobs wifes song so he aint playing it no more. Or billy bobs wife gets drunk and wants to fight joes wife cause she looks at her man wrong. Needless to say theres a lot of people out here that dont realize that bad habits and karma dont fit into group situations. Shucking them out of the band isnt always the best for the band but the band has to keep things in perspective to benefit itself and doing whatever it needs to stay in control of the problems it encounters in business and on a personal basis. everyone has to understand that its not a 1 man show, at least not in our band, and 1 can be replaced if a certain problem or attitude doesnt conform to the interest of the end means. Easy to say . Very difficult to pull off. Our band has the same problems other bands have Im sure. But problems arent going to stop me from doing what i love the most. I would find another band first which Im actually doing now anyway. Good luck and remember...

Its just another day in Paradise !!!

I would agree with philby and #1. My advise is to try what philby said but if that doesn't work. Start looking for their replacement but keep under the radar (don't let the problem child know you are looking) find their replacement get them up to speed with the songs and cut the problem child loose. This may seem kind of chicken sh!t but you have to run your band like a buisness if you want to acheive the results you want and if you want to keep your band together. Playing in bands is already in your blood you will never be happy if you don't express yourself musically in a band inviroment so really what choice do you have. Replace that problem ass so you and your bandmates can be happy once again. If you do it like I advise it will definately destroy a friendship but sometimes you just have to do things in life you don't want to do. I have done this and I have made some enemies but I choose to hold our band to a higher standard and we have a good reputation because of this the club owners know that they can depend on us to act proffessionally show up on time play a kicka$$ show and not get drunk and sound like crap! Someone like that will just drag the whole band down with them like an anchor.

There is a fine line between loyalty and doing what is best for the band on the other hand one of the members in our band was going thru some relationship problems and I will stick with them as long as I am seeing results and I know that it is not going to be an ongoing problem!

Well, I wont be in a group where theres personality conflicts.
Not that I need the other members to be close friends and hang out all the time, but if we can't just chill and hang out for awhile and coexist without turmoil, then I walk.
Well first, if it's one person making the problem, I will ask the other members about replacing them. If that doesnt happen, then I'll walk.

Hard to do, but theres great power in letting go.
If you can take it or leave it, and you don't 'have' to make a group work, it's not so complicated.

Checklist:
No drugies, no drunks.
You do your homework, I'll do mine.
No substances or devices that will impair your physical or mental abilites while playing. (rehearsal or gig)

If they cant do that, then they dont need me.
If they decide they need me, they can adhere to the checklist -- they get 'one' more chance.

Inflexibile attitude? Yep. Sanity saving ? Absolutely.

#1 if Im in a band with someone they have to be able to play their parts, if not Im not going to be a part of it. If they cant practice a song at home and come in and play it why bother. I wont.

#2 Drugs, ha how many musicians do you know that havent at some point done drugs. Once again a person has to be able to do whatever they do and play the music and act alive doing it. If they cant play their parts live then why waste my time. Im not going to tell anyone how to live and dont expect anyone else to either, cause I dont think Ive met anyone that is perfect.

#3 Personalities, every musician I know has an attitude of some sort. Is it productive to the band or does it take away from the band. If it takes away in anyway why bother.

The biggest thing is having a group of musicians that can play together. If a couple of members just play to party then they will not be able to work with a serious musician who wants to make a living from music.

It all comes back to communication and everyone telling the others what they want from the band. Most folks will not be honest. I auditioned for some guys a couple of years ago. A potentially good band. I told them up front that I wanted to play 2-3 times a month on sats. We practiced enough material to book a gig and I called in a couple of favors to get us a gig. One of the guys balked at 3 gigs I tryed to line up. In the end all he wanted to do was get together and have a few beers and rehearse, he really didnt want to get out and do anything. Why didnt he say this up front. I think any situation you get in be honest with the other members up front, tell them what you can contribute, how much you want to play, and what kind of material you want to do. Why is that so hard?

The way I look at it is: they either 'cut it' or they don't.
If they don't - they're out - or I'm out. And it really doesn't matter to me if they leave or I leave.
.
There's a saying that covers it pretty well. "Birds of a feather, flock together."
And, man, is it ever true . . .
.
Get in with the wrong type of people and you will ALWAYS be surrounded by the wrong type of people.
If you're in a band with the wrong type of people, chances are that the RIGHT type of people will steer clear of you and your group.
I would; - wouldn't you?
Hey, man, just think about it, a bit. . .
.
You might have to spend a whole year breaking away from all your friends who are the wrong type of person, and start meeting the right types of people.
.
I did.
I was about 25 - 30 years old, and I turned my back on a group of about 30 friends, cold turkey.
Why? They'd introduce me to their friends, who later introduced me to their friends, and evenually half of my 'friends' were 'problem type people.'
.
I realized that I was too easy-going with who I associated with.
It took a while to find a new set of friends, and it was worth every month . . .
Now I recognize the signs, and don't let them in to my confidence to begin with.
.
If you don't want to do this, then maybe, without knowing it, maybe you are satisfied being surrounded with the wrong type of people.
And - in that case - you'd better get used to it, eh?
.
One other thing, before I sit down and shut up.
When you start meeting the right type of people - do NOT introduce them to the wrong type of people.
Or - in their eyes, YOU will be the wrong type of people . . .
.
Something to think about, anyway.

Thanks to you all for your kind advice.

I pretty much agree with and understand it, and I suppose I just wanted to make sure that I was not the only person dealing with this issue.

So thanks again, and good luck to you all.

All the members in my band have the exact same opinions on everything. We never argue! If we do send me to the funny farm. Ah the joys of live looping.

The way I look at it is: they either 'cut it' or they don't.
If they don't - they're out - or I'm out. And it really doesn't matter to me if they leave or I leave.
.
There's a saying that covers it pretty well. "Birds of a feather, flock together."
And, man, is it ever true . . .
.
Get in with the wrong type of people and you will ALWAYS be surrounded by the wrong type of people.
If you're in a band with the wrong type of people, chances are that the RIGHT type of people will steer clear of you and your group.
I would; - wouldn't you?
Hey, man, just think about it, a bit. . .
.
You might have to spend a whole year breaking away from all your friends who are the wrong type of person, and start meeting the right types of people.
.
I did.
I was about 25 - 30 years old, and I turned my back on a group of about 30 friends, cold turkey.
Why? They'd introduce me to their friends, who later introduced me to their friends, and evenually half of my 'friends' were 'problem type people.'
.
I realized that I was too easy-going with who I associated with.
It took a while to find a new set of friends, and it was worth every month . . .
Now I recognize the signs, and don't let them in to my confidence to begin with.
.
If you don't want to do this, then maybe, without knowing it, maybe you are satisfied being surrounded with the wrong type of people.
And - in that case - you'd better get used to it, eh?
.
One other thing, before I sit down and shut up.
When you start meeting the right type of people - do NOT introduce them to the wrong type of people.
Or - in their eyes, YOU will be the wrong type of people . . .
.
Something to think about, anyway.

I do and always have cleaned out my slime trap on a regular basis. I never gave enough of a sh*t about what people thought of me to worry about the name trashing that goes with that! If your a problem for my band or my life.... SEE YA!

www.myspace.com/blunderingeye
www.myspace.com/445175001
http://ezfolk.com/audio/bands/6039/
http://bandmix.com/hayden-king/
hayden_king2000 on yahoo messenger

"them that knows me knows better. them that dont, dont matter"

*

" . . . always have cleaned out my slime trap on a regular basis . . . "
.
"Slime trap." Hehe.

This music business should be about fun. I've always played in part-time bands and thank God haven't had to rely on the income from them to survive. Therefore I view the band situation as a labor of love. Life is too short to deal with difficult personalities. I've been kicked out of bands because I got to be a pain in the rear (I know it's hard to believe anybody would kick me out of a band). Since it's a labor of love I view a band like family, but thank God I don't HAVE to put up with a malcontent because it's not my real family. I feel sorry for anybody who has to participate in a band because they depend on the money. I've heard numerous stories of very famous musicians who treated their band members like dirt. If you don't need the money either get the malcontent out of the band or get you out of the band. It's that simple. Recently we auditioned an incredible guitarist. We desperately need a good one, but this guy was TROUBLE with a capital TROUBLE. Our drummer told me I was crazy for not playing with him. Look at all the gigs we would get and all the PR for having him in the band. I put up with him ONE rehearsal, that's it. My two cents...

Holy crap! Sounds like you've met my bassist and drummer from PanikAtack! I just ignore it because no matter what... Our chemistry onstage is incredible and I'm gonna hold onto them for as long as possible!

I think the best way to deal with people with abrasive personalities is to not associate with them in the first place.
Otherwise it could cause you months, or even years, - of aggravation.
.
Many people nowadays have poor social skills. Some people do not realize how they come across.
I've found that people are generally on their best behaviour for the first one or two times you meet.
Then their 'un-called for' remarks start coming out.
If you let their remarks stand - then their next remarks get a little more barbed.
Don't let them set a precedent of what is an acceptable way to treat you. They'll keep 'pushing the envelope.'
You have to draw a line of what is acceptable social behaviour in your life.
If people repeatedly cross the line - don't kid yourself into thinking you can change them. They're not going to 'nicen-up.'
If someone acts like a pain-in-the-ass, then that's who they are.
.
I'm not talking about temporary lapses. I guess everyone can act like an ass once in a while, eh?
Hey, if any one of us continually antagonizes someone else - that 'someone else' probably thinks you're an assh***.
if someone always acts like an ass, then he's a chronic asshole.
And, you know what? If one person thinks someone else is an ass - chances are that most people agree with him.
But, not many people who ARE ass-h***s consider themselves so.
They will always say it's the other guy, right?
.
Anyway, I think we've gotta accept them for who they are. Or what they are.
But after that, it's time to reject their false freiendship; and move on,eh?
.
Because - there are tons and tons of good people out here.

Yes they are out there everywhere and it is
very discouraging.
Hey don't hang it up dude.
This is what you love to do...so here is just a suggestion.
You should do it yourself.
This is why I am solo now cause I just couldn't
deal with that or people who wanted to copy other bands...so
I went solo.
You might be saying how?
Well 1st I couldn't sing(still not that good hehe) then
I got equiptment that can perform background music(
cd player, roland 890, keyboard etc...).
So what you could do is start learning your fave tunes
then record all the backing tracks, put them to cd or anything
that will play the songs in real time and perform!
If you don't want to sing then just do lead stuff in the vocal
melodies over the song or just write your own songs.
Now you might say you want a real band and not be a one
man band because the energy is not the same(I agree).
Well by doing this you will meet people who like what you
are doing and you can tell who is serious about music
because they will be persistant about joining up with you.
I am just now starting to play open mic and I plan on
meeting the right people by doing this, networking at
music stores and possibly playing some small bars.
Now it is true that there are always gonna be those
people out there but the fact is there is also different
ways to do what you love without those people
interfering.
Think of the tons of bands that stay together for years!
So it is very possible to find this.
Just a suggestion(not the answer or anything hehe)
Good luck and keep rockin!
and