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#48120 by philbymon
Mon Dec 01, 2008 4:03 pm
Josh, I'm listening to it now. It's pretty good. Liking the way the vocals bounce around with the Q&A style. Could use an additional voice to make it sound fuller & counter your own.

Production could use some work. I like the way the vox are right out front, but I have the feeling that there's something missing in here. Interesting DM stuff. Maybe it's too much piano, or that it needs a different instrument to round out the sound.

Where an instrumental accent exists in the verse, at 4 +, I'd give it a guitar power chord to further emphasize it. I didn't like the detuning bit at 3:21, but it was an interesting experiment to try, anyway.

I like it. Well done.

#48125 by lalong
Mon Dec 01, 2008 4:27 pm
Whenever I choose to comment on a song, I always try to be as honest as possible. I do know first hand what it’s like to have something to be real excited about and have any criticism thrown that way. I guess most people here know that as well. And it is just my opinion after all. I just say this because sometimes people get real touchy about such things. If I didn’t think there was anything at all worth replying about, I just wouldn’t.

The structure is a bit erratic for my personal taste, the instruments are disconnected entirely from the rhythm of the drums. I do find it interesting, parts of it remind me old Floyd, Julia Dream, Arnold Lane (forget which, the one with the bike, The Nile Song?) with a rap influence. The tin, off tone, piano bit 3:21 .

Anyway the repetition at the end 1:10 and at 2:42 is too much. Over a minute of this 3:34 minute song is repeating the exact same phrase. I do get that it’s on purpose, but it’s done too much, unintentionally by others to give it merit. Bob Seger against the wind as example, I hate that song.

Like 3 or 4 times something immediately repeated is my limit, if you had something layered in the background like you did on the first, it may lessen the effect. The vocals are good (a little variance at 1:52 , but a really great sounding voice.) I would really like to hear something smoother and running, I bet whoever is doing the vocals could really belt out a rock tune. and the sound quality is good on the recording. You have some good ideas there, I just think they need to be developed it a little more. Remember this is all entirely my opinion, someone else may just say it’s just perfect the way it is.

I'm a slow writer, Phill got here right before I did.

#48129 by Hayden King
Mon Dec 01, 2008 4:53 pm
yeah I hear the slant towards Gnarls....I like it! it's not your mamma's jamm, and I if I were in Salyersville or you were in Hazard we'd be hookin up last year!

"be true to thine own self"


www.myspace.com/blunderingeye
Hayden King @ ezFolk.com (under construction)
http://bandmix.com/hayden-king/
hayden_king2000 on yahoo messenger wed's 8-9 pm (chat & jamm)


say Happy Birthday Hayden

#48153 by lalong
Mon Dec 01, 2008 7:27 pm
I know exactly what you mean about the going back part. :)

The drum thing is purely subjective. It’s just not what I’m used to or expect. It’s nothing bad, just not my preference. I didn’t think the production quality was that bad at all. I’m using two programs that are pretty good : Audacity which is free and Reaper which has a 30 day trial, I’ll probably buy it, lots of nice features.

It didn’t sound to me, like you were “struggling” at all. For example that part at 2:20, was really excellent. It wasn’t like your voice cracked or squeaked, you just wandered off (by a little at that). If I hit a wrong key on the keyboard while recording, I just have to play it again, no big thing. Same stuff, different instrument. It’s your voice so it seems a lot more personal, but it’s not. When someone hears it they are going to regard it like any other musical instrument. I only say this because I get that way when I hear myself on vocals. lol although, I actually have reason to.

I don’t blow smoke, if I thought it wasn’t there I would find a polite way of saying just that. I think you have a great voice. Vocals has to be at least 50% attitude, if you don’t believe it no one else will either. If you are standing in front of a microphone, you have made that decision already. So you might as well throw it all out there with all your heart.

You may not require, or even desire this much encouragement. :)
But it was my time to spend and I sincerely look forward to hearing it in the future.

#48191 by HowlinJ
Tue Dec 02, 2008 1:41 am
Josh,
Exceptional song creatin' in my opinion! :wink:

I don't particularly like the cheesy drum machine sound, however.

I believe the song would hold up with the piano rhythm alone.

I like it so much I'm gonna listen to it again!

good job
Howlin'

#48194 by repressthecadence
Tue Dec 02, 2008 2:22 am
While I will agree with the comments on the percussion, looking beyond that, this is a pretty well-written song. My recommendation would be to listen to other electro artists' beats, and try to create something with more structure. And, although this is entirely a personal thing, the call and response parts would be cool if there was a different effect on the answer part. I don't know what kind of mic or recording environment you've got, but maybe try experimenting with catching reflected sound from your walls for the response parts.

It's got potential, especially lyrically. I like it.

#48258 by Starfish Scott
Tue Dec 02, 2008 6:33 pm
The beat is an irritant.

Seems similar to a clean piano and Linkin Park thing.

I'd tear out the whole percussion section and rewrite/remaster, keeping the other parts.. The percussion track doesn't do it for meh.

#48260 by repressthecadence
Tue Dec 02, 2008 6:46 pm
There are some tempo issues here and there, but overall it sounds pretty good. I'd remove the percussive attacks on the bass (And whatever else is making those beats I'm hearing), or at least make them less prominent. That's pretty likable, but it could definitely groove with some drums behind it. Good luck finding someone!

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