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#43164 by fisherman bob
Sun Oct 05, 2008 2:22 pm
Kind of reminds me of something a former employee of mine did around Christmas time a number of years ago. A few weeks before Christmas he was complaining to me about his father-in-law. He told me what a big di*k he was and that he had to buy this big di*k a present and go to his Christmas party and give it to him. I told him why didn't he get him a dildo for Christmas? There couldn't be a more appropriate gift for somebody who's a big di*k. A few days after Christmas my employee thanked me for my advice. I said "what advice?" He said he bought him a dildo, cut out a Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval and glued it right on the dildo, wrapped it up real nice, and got him a Christmas card which he wrote "To the biggest di*k I know, Merry Christmas!" Then he gave it to his father-in-law who opened it in front of all his friends and family at their Christmas Eve party. That's one Christmas present he'll always cherish I'm sure. Later...

#43168 by Black57
Sun Oct 05, 2008 8:14 pm
8) I had to really think about this one. You guys may not think this is funny, but I think it is hilarious. There is a composer that goes by the name P.D.Q. Bach. He creates music based on serious classical pieces. They are all parodies and meant to make the audience laugh. But, the orchestra plays their part straighter than a board. The piece we were playing called for a table of pots and pasn to be dumped onto the floor. A cell phone was to go off in which the conductor had to answer the phone amongst other stupid things. It is supposed to come off as a serious performance while the audience is left in stitches. Well, I just couldn't remain serious, no matter how hard I tried and I was just crackin' up so hard and sometimes I began laughing before the "punch" line was even given. :wink:

I don't know, maybe you just had to be there.

Here is a sample of P.D.Q.'s work. You can imagine how hard it would be to remain serious under such insanity.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GoAnU0JD ... re=related
Last edited by Black57 on Mon Oct 06, 2008 3:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

#43174 by Andragon
Sun Oct 05, 2008 11:18 pm
JW, man, you're a troublemaker haha
He probably already knew bout it, but he didn't want the confrontation :lol:
Nice stories.. my stories aren't exactly weird or funny. Usually either nice treatment or annoying crowds.

#43192 by jw123
Mon Oct 06, 2008 10:37 am
I'll add a new one.

I didnt even know this til yesterday, but Sat night we played a Wedding Reception at a Mexican Rest. We set up on a little patio. I had gone inside while we were on break and our drummer said a group of black gangsta types all pulled real fast right behind where we were set up and all got out with pistols and uzis and started yelling at each other that they were going to kill each other. Someone in the wedding party yelled cops and the guys jumped in thier cars and were gone as fast as they showed up.

I was inside getting a Yagar Bomb from a very slow service staff and missed all this. Which is good cause with my mouth they might have shot me.

This brings up a big point to all you wanna be rock stars. Be careful and try to be aware of what all is going on around you. Try not to piss anyone off, cause you are basically a sitting duck if someone wants to start something. Being a hero is great on TV, but being dead aint cool.

#43194 by philbymon
Mon Oct 06, 2008 12:01 pm
Mary! You played with PDQ Bach? That must be quite some resume you have there! Howlin' J just might try to steal it, m'lady! Run like the wind!

JW - I wonder if you'll ever be invited to play cards with those folks again.

I'd tell more, but I think they're already in the archives - like playing for the Anne Arundel Coon Hunters' Association (my 1st gig), or the benefit I played for the S&M swingers club, etc.

#43226 by Black57
Mon Oct 06, 2008 11:42 pm
philbymon wrote:Mary! You played with PDQ Bach?


No, I wish I could say that though. I played in wind symphony that performed one of PDQ Bach's compositions. If I actually played with him, I sure he woulda fired me :? I failed, I couldn't play with a straight face even if I was threatened with my life. I am going to see if I can find a link to the piece.

#43227 by Black57
Mon Oct 06, 2008 11:46 pm
jw123 wrote:This brings up a big point to all you wanna be rock stars. Be careful and try to be aware of what all is going on around you. Try not to piss anyone off, cause you are basically a sitting duck if someone wants to start something. Being a hero is great on TV, but being dead aint cool.


This reminds me of the movie< Roadhouse, where the band performed behind a fence for protections, in case someone threw something at the members.

#43233 by gbheil
Tue Oct 07, 2008 12:36 am
Man o man that huge dildo story was funny as hell.
Hey John. Are you sure it wasnt Marks? :lol:

#43257 by Paleopete
Tue Oct 07, 2008 10:30 am
you know how conversations go, eventually I kind of guide it to keeping women happy


It's usually not a mattter of "keeping her happy". Many women have no complaints about their husbands/boyfriends in the bedroom, and love their toys too. It's called variety. It's not something to take his place and only nominally about being bigger (usually). It's something different, and most women who have them love their toys but still prefer the real thing. Very few resort to toys because of a husband who can't satisfy. Bored with each other is quite often the catalyst I think. That's entirely different from unsatisfactory.

Sometimes it's variety, sometimes it's curiosity, and sometimes it is to make up for an inadequacy, but that's usually not the reason for a toy like that. Many couples have them and both know about it, often they both incorporate it into their bedroom activities. I'm sure many women also have them stashed around the house and their husbands don't know a thing. But it's rarely because someone can't make her happy.

#43268 by philbymon
Tue Oct 07, 2008 1:19 pm
I was gonna respond to that, too, Pete, but I figured I'd leave it up to the ladies, who know better...but I guess you'll do just as well...

I have a huge realistic toy that I keep under the seat in my truck for instances of road rage...just shake that at someone & watch their reaction!

Works much better than a mere finger!

#43271 by jw123
Tue Oct 07, 2008 2:23 pm
Black 57 Ive played in some places with chicken wire before, thats real.

For me it wasnt so much that the wire was in front of me but the fact that someone could lock the door on you and youwould be in the hen house.

#43275 by pusMonkey
Tue Oct 07, 2008 5:17 pm
We were playing a backyard party a couple of years ago (a graduation party I believe), and as we were playing... the above-ground pool broke and all the kids floated in front of us. It was hilarious. Fortunately the water didn't reach our equipment or power.

#43304 by Black57
Wed Oct 08, 2008 2:38 am
jw123 wrote:Black 57 Ive played in some places with chicken wire before, thats real.

For me it wasnt so much that the wire was in front of me but the fact that someone could lock the door on you and youwould be in the hen house.


I hope you got paid well for those gigs. :evil:

#43305 by Black57
Wed Oct 08, 2008 2:39 am
philbymon wrote:I was gonna respond to that, too, Pete, but I figured I'd leave it up to the ladies, who know better...but I guess you'll do just as well...

I have a huge realistic toy that I keep under the seat in my truck for instances of road rage...just shake that at someone & watch their reaction!

Works much better than a mere finger!


That is also much better than an AK47. :shock:

#43320 by RyanStrain3032
Wed Oct 08, 2008 6:47 am
fisherman bob wrote:Kind of reminds me of something a former employee of mine did around Christmas time a number of years ago. A few weeks before Christmas he was complaining to me about his father-in-law. He told me what a big di*k he was and that he had to buy this big di*k a present and go to his Christmas party and give it to him. I told him why didn't he get him a dildo for Christmas? There couldn't be a more appropriate gift for somebody who's a big di*k. A few days after Christmas my employee thanked me for my advice. I said "what advice?" He said he bought him a dildo, cut out a Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval and glued it right on the dildo, wrapped it up real nice, and got him a Christmas card which he wrote "To the biggest di*k I know, Merry Christmas!" Then he gave it to his father-in-law who opened it in front of all his friends and family at their Christmas Eve party. That's one Christmas present he'll always cherish I'm sure. Later...


HAHAHAHA! Nice...

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