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So I saw the post about the lyrics Sans had from a dream and decided to try to put some music to it.
Then I got sidetracked with my guitar soloing attempts.
Give it a listen, and give me some honest to goodness simon cowellesque criticism?
If you keep listening past my cheesey chorus progression you can hear the Verse-Pre chorus figures just by themselves.
Cheers!

And KIDD, yes I know it's pretty 'canny' and 'Midy' sounding.
And noisy.

Hey, I like it. The rythem part starting at about .56 sounds a lot like our song You guide My Way.
The long drawn out notes with the reverb and bends sounds like my style as well

Thanks sans. Im gonna have another pass at it this evening. Clean some stuff up and maybe chane a few things.

Looks like everyone else is skeered to comment.

hey gtzip, you just HAD to post first lol...

I got a rough draft like yours, same 'feel', etc. Your solo phrasing is much better than mine though.. I'm gonna have to eventually learn to stop bullshitting my way through solos and figure out those pesky things like keys and scales, and real phrasing

I will hopefully get it posted tonight, there is enough of a note difference that it will sound a bit different.

Good job

Hmmm... I tried to reply to you once a little earlier, but theres nothing there. Hope it didnt randomly go into some other thread...

So, to repeat myself:

Say what? I think your solo on the bandmix drum-track thing is very nice.
Good control. Not sloppy on the fast stuff.
But, thanks.
lol, and it's not that I just had to post something first... I glanced at the other post, and i was antsy and bored, so I started plinking around while I read the words. Then I had to get the laptop out. And one thing led to another...

I guess my phrasing is alright, but I tend to sound like I've been drinking a bit most of the time

hey I was just messin with ya on that, no biggie.

Mine is done, sort of, I really didn't have enough time to screw with it, so the mastering is horrid and the solo.. meh. Enjoy!

take two...

Checked Kramer's version. Now it's your rendition's turn.
So, this one is straight up blues. Nice.. left me wanting to hear more. That's always a good thing.

Zip those are cool sounds coming from your G-tar, I heard Kramer's version where I made the suggestion to play the vocal's melody with the lead G-tar, it would make the song more complete I think, but even as it is; it's an enjoyable progression to listen to.

I''ll be probabely jamming to it as well, love those minor chords tune especially when someone else writes'em it forces me onto unknown territories on my fretboard.

Good job.

I always envy you lead players.

Nice take on the lyric, Zip. It leaves just enough space for the voice, while not being too busy.

I don't think it's godawful at all.

It's definitely an interesting approach to the words, but I guess it's all in where you're coming from. I like it at least as much as Kramer's, & I'd be hard pressed to pick a fave from the two of them.

I could never write music from words. It's a talent that both of you evidently have. I envy that, too!

Very nicely done the both of you.
I could hear the feel of the lyrics in both songs.
But I really could not visualize whow to sing the lyrics in context to the music. ( Guess thats why I dont sing, just dream up crazy lyrics)

Thanks.
Sorry I didn't pay strict attention to the meter of your lyrics, sans... kind of spaced out on a tangent. (I think 'meter' is the right word anyway)
And for the chorus figure I just wailed away instead of playing a melody with the guitar.
Needs another Verse, Prechorus (or Bridge) and a final chorus to be the full length of what you had written. So I need to get that done...
I guess it turned into more of a mood piece for me.
Kramer did a better job making it into a singable song I think.

philbymon -- Yeah it's not so awful now. I had a first version that was up for a night, then I went back and re-did lead stuff.
I tried to leave singing holes, but they might be inconvenient ones.
On going back and cranking it up tonight, you know... I think it's kinda pretty. I guess I did ok.


fretwork -- I can post the bare chord progressions and drums, if you would like to play on it.

I hope I didn't step on any toes by going off and just running with it.
'Thank You' to everyone who weighed in on it.

My intent was to get a concensus from you guys based on the lyrics alone.
So the more people that run with it the better the experiment.
I would love to see the chord progresssions as well, that is generally how I build the music I write, a basic progression and build from there.
I may even play them to a different melody and meter as I seek enlightenment

Hey Zip actually when Sans posted the lyrics I went to work on it, as a matter of fact I have the tune completed with vocals. I haven't posted because as I said once before my writing is a bit 70ish while you Kramer and Hunter are more current I think Sans is better served by you guys rendition then mine.


More over you and Kramer have nicely provided what Sans was looking for I.E. a progression to work with and to be completed by Sans and his band.

I should have done what you did instead, I've hijacked the tune with all the parts in place, don't know if Sans appreciates that I'm sure he'd like to put his print on whatever rendition he ends up choosing.