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#32263 by neanderpaul
Sat May 24, 2008 3:50 pm
Craig Maxim wrote:Great collab!!!


I would tweak the lyrics slightly and maybe the chorus could use a little help, but that is a really good effort and the stuff you came up with Paul is very complimentary to Jimmy's solid riffs! The melody over the verses is just badass!

That's a great example of how online collabs can go right!

Good job guys!

What is the Iron Man reference I saw on some of the comments? Did I miss something?

Cause that song could be badass to mix with some Iron Man trailer footage. I bet it would get spread far and wide if you mixed that in with shots of you in the studio, and Jimmy should send you some footage of him wailing here and there!

That would get alot more views, but on the other hand, it's a shame no one has any really firm connections to movie producers or the like, cause that song is perfect to go on a sound track of an action flick! And then you guys could get paid the royalties it deserves.

It's really strong work on both parts. And memorable on the first hearing, which is key, and not always that easy to accomplish. I'll probably be humming this in my head all day! LOL


Thanks Craig, The iron man comment is in reference to my facial hair. I went to see iron man with my wife. When I saw his slightly different goatee I turned to her and said that's my new facial "do". I really enjoy change. I call it todays adventures in facial hair! :lol:
In reference to the chorus. Do you think the first chorus should have the "they have done nothing but wrong" part like the second? I could have added 2 measures to the second verse in order to get that. Otherwise I would have had to overlap the end of the first chorus and the beginning of the second verse.

thanks for the input!!

#32267 by Craig Maxim
Sat May 24, 2008 5:24 pm
neanderpaul wrote:
In reference to the chorus. Do you think the first chorus should have the "they have done nothing but wrong" part like the second? I could have added 2 measures to the second verse in order to get that. Otherwise I would have had to overlap the end of the first chorus and the beginning of the second verse.



I hate to make even helpful criticism because it is really really good already, but you are professional enough for me to offer a suggestion or two. You are both in that league to me.

The chorus...

Traditionally, the chorus is stronger than everything else, but on this song, it sounds more like a refrain or transition part. As I have thought about it, the melody is not bad there, and it is memorable enough, it just needs something to bump it up a notch.

An easy way to do this, and leave things pretty much in tact, could be to take the line "Go home" after you have sung it, to overdub the words again, right at the end, almost overlapping the very end of "home" and have an electronic effect on your voice SPEAKING: "Go home" almost devil like, ominous sounding, and that would tweak the chorus nicely, to make it stand out more. So you would sing "Go Home" and then SPEAK "Go Home!" in an ominous voice, right at the end of the singing of home.

I also think you should have a background voice singing the end of each first line, echoing out on the words "resolution" and "loudest" and "power". You almost did it with "loudest" and got the end of it, the "est" but I think it would be cool to sing the full word as an echo on each of those lines. Not on both verses, just the first verse on each of those parts, so it goes "Loudest... loudest!" but the echo being more background and echoing out.

Those would be my two suggestions.

And you should make a new video using Iron Man footage. Seriously. Especially since people have already noticed the comparison with your own goatee. I bet it blows up then, with people already searching "iron man" trailers out on YouTube!

This song has alot of potential. It was a great collab! I love it!
Last edited by Craig Maxim on Sun May 25, 2008 5:06 am, edited 1 time in total.

#32269 by neanderpaul
Sat May 24, 2008 5:39 pm
Craig those are GREAT suggestions. I can "hear" them as you are describing them. They make sense to me. What I need now is guitar shredding footage from Jimmy, and a few clips from Iron Man. That is a great plan. Thank you!!

#32272 by Koolin82
Sat May 24, 2008 6:33 pm
Excellent collaboration, I'm really impressed. 8)

#32274 by Shapeshifter
Sat May 24, 2008 7:16 pm
Wow! Amazing guys...really sounds like one person's idea, as opposed to a collaboration-very cohesive. I would tend to agree with Craig, as in I feel that the chorus needs something to make it stand out. I want to hear something that says "and now...THE CHORUS!" The first time through, I didn't know it was in the chorus at all...
Beyond that stuff, all I can say is...Sweet!

#32283 by HowlinJ
Sun May 25, 2008 1:12 am
I am left speechless! ('cept to say GREAT JOB! to Neanderpaul and Jimmy. Very cool concept. :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

#32293 by RyanStrain3032
Sun May 25, 2008 4:27 am
Amazing Song, and great vocals. Good job!

#32296 by neanderpaul
Sun May 25, 2008 1:00 pm
Thanks guys. :D

#32300 by RyanStrain3032
Sun May 25, 2008 4:48 pm
I also find the faces you make while you sing hilarious - Like when you rolled your eyes back and started bobbing back and forth, ha ha

#32313 by gtZip
Sun May 25, 2008 10:27 pm
Jerks!!

I mean, 'SWEET!'.
That's great work. Good stuff. The way it should be, kids. Etc, etc.

I have my own collab in the works, so now I'm going to feel guilty
when I want to be lazy.

#32648 by Shredd6
Thu May 29, 2008 6:15 am
Wait a minute.. I ain't lettin this go by..

I've been wanting to reply to this post, but I've just been a little busy..

I really like this song.. Neanderpaul. You never cease to amaze me. This is awesome songwriting. Collaborations aren't easy, but you hit this one right on the money.

JD.. Your rhythms are perfect for this and I like the fact that they're singer friendly. Nice and heavy too. Great musicianship on your part as well.

I was pleasantly surprised when I heard this song, Now' I'm not so sure why. Maybe I just should have known it would turn out as good as it did. Not that I underestimated your skills, but it's not too often that collaborations turn out this good.

I'm impressed with both of your efforts, killer job guys..

Peace.

#32657 by jimmydanger
Thu May 29, 2008 1:07 pm
Garsh Shredd, thanks! I believe in allowing everyone as much freedom in the creative process as possible. I think that's why it worked. We're gonna do another, stay tuned and rock on!

#32660 by neanderpaul
Thu May 29, 2008 1:53 pm
Yes thanks Shredd! Like Jimmy said, more to come!!

#32663 by jimmydanger
Thu May 29, 2008 2:34 pm
Hey Paul, take a look at Agua Cerveza and let me know if you here anything for it.

#32668 by neanderpaul
Thu May 29, 2008 3:38 pm
Working on it today Jimmy.

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