I must be luckly because most bands I play in last 4 to 5 yrs and have never had any problem with ego's. I'm still play in one band that been going for 13 yrs but has gone some changes, went from a 9 pc R&B / Blues horn band to a Funk / Blue / Fusion Jazz 4pc band and the only personal change is a different bass player that been with us for 4 yrs.
When I audition for a band ... the way I look at it .... it's a 2 way audition. I looking hard at the band for their / musician ship / work ethic, is everyone prepared / now fast they can break down and learn a song, do they go on & on with some convoluted discussion about how the part should be play wasting practice time / band dynamics (personal) / sound dynamics (are they making noise or are they making music) / where the band is going (future) and how they are going to achieve it (marketing).
If I don't get a 90% positive read on it ... I decline. There are just to many band out there looking for good players
I play in 3 different bands at the moment and we rarely practice, only to learn new material or just to free jam. So that is what I look for, is players that have chops and memoir for minimal practice and max gig time with no baggage.
Also if we're not gigging in 2 month after start up ... I'm gone ... there's something the matter if it take you 2 YRS to learn 30 cover song ... by that time I'd be so tired of the material that it would be time to start over
I do agree that you need strong leadership that also listens to what the rest of the members want or need, not that you have to act on it if it's not in sync with over all plan of the band.
Ron