but in the end, it's his weakness to stand up for himself and what he believes in that is the ultimate nail in the coffin.
I have to agree, the bottom line is in most cases the guy doesn't have the guts to stand up for himself and the music he apparently doesn't really believe in. I hate to let a good musician go, but if he (or she) lets it happen, it shows me a lack of dedication and a lack of intestinal fortitude, it won't last no matter what I do or say, so as soon as it becomes a problem I'm ready to show them the door.
I've seen the same thing plenty times, and always had the same opinion of it. Playing in a band is your job, like any other job. Your other half shouldn't interfere with your job, and you shouldn't let it happen. If you do you're not really committed and dedicated to it.
When I'm involved with a lady I always make it clear I will not tolerate that kind of thing. My usual stance is - you met me with a guitar in my hand, you knew it, I will keep playing no matter what. If she simply can't handle it - see ya...
Yeah, I'm intolerant, but I refuse to let that happen. I've seen too many guys let their wives and girlfriends pressure them into leaving a band or cause so much friction the band lets them go. I don't have much respect for either of them. I usually make it clear from the beginning it won't work, rather than waiting until it becomes an issue, that solves 90% of the problems without much hassle.
Fortunately I've only had to deal with one, it stopped before it got started good, it's too hard to find a decent band to let that crap get in the way. The lady I've been dating the past 3 years is without a doubt the best I've ever been involved with, we're not getting serious at all and don't want to, it's no boyfriend/girlfriend thing and never will be, but we are best friends and she's there almost every time I play, helps load and unload (even when her back hurts and I tell her not to), always shows up ready to go ahead of time, is my biggest fan, except for maybe my niece, and even let me use her truck when mine was down for repairs.
On the other hand, she loves to dance and I'm not even close to a dancer, so if she dances all night with other guys I don't get upset about it, in fact I like to see her enjoying herself. (in her younger days she also danced professionally, ballroom stuff) I always have to smile when I see her on the dance floor having the time of her life, she would rather dance than eat. We do manage to grab a slow dance now and then during breaks, and I basically suck at that but she doesn't complain. But the rest of the time she dances with anyone she wants to, that's her call. The way I see it, if I handled it any other way I'd be no better than the jealous wife causing grief. We have one understanding, she walks in the door with me, she walks out with me. As far as dancing with the guys goes, I see no reason she should have to sit there and not dance while I play, that wouldn't be fair to her at all. Why should I be onstage doing what I love while she sits there not doing what she loves??? Unfortunately too many people don't see it that way, from either point of view.
) Our drummer's wife was a pain in the ass tho'. She's not even a musician, but she'd come to rehearsal with him, and then criticize our process. Also, she acted like we were stealing their couple time. Over two hours a week?!! AAAAARGH!!!! Go away!
