United States

Been in a bit of a drought these days... but i managed to put this tune together over the past couple of weeks... still in progress but close to finished. Called "All on the line" First on my player.
Any comments... keep em to yourself!

Playing the 'producer' here (not pro-du-cah)
Guitar tone needs some lower end. Might suggest you differentiate the chorus tone (maybe a different guitar tone coming in?) Did you mean the doubled vocal bits to be delayed a fraction from the main vocal? I'd try moving them together, and bringing the volume of the doubled part up a bit. (but that's all just me!)

I like it . . . though I find it a bit wordy.

Thanks for posting music.

Fun song Jahva.

I actually tend to agree with both posters above. Sort of sounds like we are stuffing 5 lbs of lyrics into a 2 lb sack. Any way to open the lyrics up and let them breath a bit?

I dig the jangly guitar intro but all the guitars are essentially the same tight eq and it wears thin over time. Open them up a bit and let em sing.

Thanks for checking it out guys... I do appreciate it and your comments.

I did make a few git changes in the mix since I first posted it.
As for the word-i-ness... ehhh is what it is. That I can't change or even want to. But I get your comments. I guess it's a bit rap-like... void of much melody. Just spittin rhymes...
The original idea was to write a song for a football team... but it turned into a song about your last song or your last chance and telling your crowd "Thank you hope you enjoyed the show."

He aims he shoots he misses...
Reload!
Thanks again.

Hey don't misunderstand Jahva, I think you have a boatload of songwriting talent. Your songs are fresh and interesting, I like the harmonic choices you make, and they are thought provoking. A bit like Michael Stipe (REM) to my ears. These critiques we are hearing seem like common themes in your music and working through them may get you to the next step.

REM "End of the world" is a song with a boatload of lyrics but in that rare context and under those conditions, it is compelling. On the other side you have Jim Morrison from the Doors. He uses really sparse lyrics and allows the song to really develop. Give The Doors a listen and see if you get where he is coming from. Perhaps you can incorporate some of his ideas to open up a bit.

Keep rocking man, I think the songsmith is strong in you.

No misunderstanding Johnny... I look for input you guys give it here. I feel you guys are honest. What more could you ask for, I appreciate that.

I run out of breathe trying to sing this tune... so I get where you're coming from. And the REM comparision is in a similar ballpark. It has a bit of a rap to it as well. Not an easy thing to pull off lyrically or by performance... at least for me. But it was something new to try.

This is all experimental to me. I'm not bound by a band or sound so I let things go wherever...
Morrison... I'll save that for another day if I could ever find the right mood piece. How cool would that be?

I've had the comments about 'too many lyrics' for some of my songs, so don't fret that part - if you need them to tell your song's purpose, then use them! It did sound like you were rushing them at times, though.

That's a good point Mike I just finished writing and recording Sunday afternoon... and some of the lines do sound a bit rushed. I'll practice the song over the next couple of days and re-do the vocals... don't think I'll change the content though.

The changed/added guitar in the chorus parts helps differentiate them much more.
In the verses, do you have two guitar tracks panned hard left and hard right? The slight differences in each track are creating a phase issue that might not be pleasant to all ears, I'd recommend panning each track 60-75% so they blend a little more, or re-record one track with a different sound.
Verse 2 singing is louder than verse 1, I'd say boost up verse 1 rather than cut back 2.
If I told you how many tweaks I do to mixes, you'd laugh!
Got contacted by a local drummer who recorded a drum track for my song Boston Beckoning, sounds better than the 'canned' drums, but need him to send me the individual tracks so I can mix them in stereo and compress/eq them a little.

There are 2 git rhythms one panned strong left and the other right center. Not an equal balance. I went back and forth to find the balance I liked. The higher chords are really suppose to be cleaner and more of an accent. The performance needs work that might be your phase and slightly different reverbs.
The vocals levels are different on 1st and 2nd verses... that's an easy fix. But I think I need a better over-all performance first.
I plan on re-recording all the guitar parts, bass and maybe all the vocals over the weekend. I feel I know them now.
Or it's just more settled in my head.
I've got 2 other songs I'm working on that I like more than this one but I'd still like to finish it. I'll give it a whirl and then.... faq it... on to the next.

What I usually end up doing is recording multiple takes for some of the parts (guitars, vocals especially), then using the ones that work best together (sometimes it's pieces of each one).

Yeah... I can see doing that I've used duplicate tracks to add depth before but I've not tried to piece meal one together.
If I struggle on a part I may select a section and loop it to practice it over and over.
Some DAW's allow you to loop and record multipe attempts and save them so you can just record & play continuously and then select your best performance. You only have to play it right once... right?

Vocals I usually have 2 but sometimes 3 tracks.
2 identical or as close as i can get
1 to find some harmony spots or sing softer or harder.
Then I'll keep the 3rd track at a low level and try to create more depth on my weak azz voice!

Singers... bastards!

Re-recorded some spots, remixed it and changed a few things here and there... calling it done.

Mike, J7, Sans thanks for your input.

It's never 'done' until stamped out on vinyl (or digitized to CD!) Definite improvements.
I'd recommend putting some more volume on the first guitar lead, and maybe a touch more on the second lead guitar part too - but the lead behind the final chorus is at a good level..