jw123 wrote:LOL, some funny stuff there guys, I dont know which is funnier this thread or the Peg thread! LOL!
That one is just sad.
What do a fretless bass and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
Why are upright basses like elderly parents?
Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of cars.
How many bass players does it take to pave a driveway?
Seven - if sliced thin and you lay them out correctly.
How are a bass solo and a blind javelin thrower alike?
Both command immediate attention, alarm, and force everyone to move out of range.
Vibrato: Used by fretless players to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch.
How do you reduce wind-drag on a bassist's car?
Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof
Why do bands have bass players? To translate for the drummer.
There were two people walking down the street. One was a bass player. The other didn't have any money either.
St. Peter's still checks ID's. He asks a man, "What did you do on Earth?"
The man says, "I was a doctor."
St. Peter says, "Ok, go right through those pearly gates. Next! What did you do on Earth?"
The next person says, "I was a school teacher."
"Go right through those pearly gates. Next! And what did you do on Earth?"
The rumpled, bleary-eyed man says, "I was a bass player."
"Go around the side, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen..."
A bassist wins the lottery grand prize of 3 million dollars. During an interview by the local TV station, the reporter asked, "What are you going to do with all that money?" Without missing a beat, he replied, "I'll just keep playing untill the money runs out!"
After years of hiding the fact that the love is gone, the last child moves out of the house and Mom and Dad announce they're getting a divorce.
The kids are distraught and hire a marriage counselor as a last resort at keeping their parents together.
The counselor works for hours, tries all of his methods, but the couple still won't talk to each other. Finally, he goes over to a closet, brings out a beautiful upright bass and begins to play. After a minute or so, the couple starts talking and they discover that they're not actually that far apart and decide to give their marriage another try.
The kids are amazed and ask the counselor how he managed to do it.
He replies,"I've never seen a couple that wouldn't talk through a bass solo."
Did you hear about the bass player who was so depressed about his bad timing that he threw himself behind a train?
A man goes to see the doctor. "Doc, I don't remember what I did last night, but every place I touch hurts a LOT." The doctor replies, "what do you mean, Everywhere?" "I mean EVERYWHERE! How hard is that?" Using his index finger, he begins to touch himself in several places. "It hurts here, [touches forehead], here, [touches chin], here [touches leg], here, [touches elbow]. I'm telling you, I hurt EVERYWHERE." "Hmmmm....let me have a look," the doctor says. After examining the man's hand, the doctor says, "You're a bass player, aren't you?" Astounded, the man exclaims, "how could you know that?" The doctor hides a smile and says, "well, to begin with, you've got a great set of calluses built up on this hand. Also, you've broken your index finger..."
A Bass player is on a flight to Africa. On approach, he hears drums. "Flight attendant, I hear drums; is there a special ceremony"?
"Drums good", the attendant replies.
In the taxi, the bass player once again hears drums and asks "I hear drums again, what is going on?"
"Drums good", says the cab driver.
Once at the hotel, the bass player is determined to ask his question again. But just then, the drums stop. "I have been hearing drums all morning and now they have stopped. What is the meaning of this?".
The desk clerk frowns and says "That's bad...now come bass solo".
Last edited by t-Roy and The Smoking Section on Thu Jun 13, 2013 8:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
It is what it is until it isn't
