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#216564 by jw123
Wed Jun 12, 2013 2:57 pm
Nice song Gerry, Hannah has a very good voice.

Thanks for sharing.

#216567 by George535005
Wed Jun 12, 2013 4:57 pm
Good tune, the right percussion "ear-candy" will help flavor this one nicely. Best of luck!

#216571 by PaperDog
Wed Jun 12, 2013 5:51 pm
Not Bad...You have the Song Idea right... Now clean it up...

Given the two voices, might I suggest in the main verses 4 line swaps...Male does four lines, female responds with four lines...back and forth like that, merge on the bridge and back to verse. Note; It doesn't have to be four lines...it could be three or two or five, but the point is to make the main verses symmetrical by way of duets.
Just my thoughts

8)

#216575 by Gezz
Wed Jun 12, 2013 6:43 pm
thanks for your feedback guys much appreciated.

defo looking at filling the song up bit with some percussion etc

much appreciated

#216580 by Peg Lautny
Wed Jun 12, 2013 7:46 pm
Welcome to BM Gezz. You have a very pleasant voice but I'd like to hear you use it to sing more and do less of the cutesy, cutesy, talky, talky Jack Johnson thing. That kind of apathetic who gives a leap style of "singing" bores me to no end. And for MY tastes maybe a little less of the sing song nursery rhyme school of melody. Where this line goes up---and that line goes down---and this line goes up---and that line goes down.

One last suggestion, you need a hook. Maybe you or your guitarist can come up with some simple and repetitive little melody to sustain musical interests.

I hope that all didn't come off too harsh! They're just some of my thoughts based on MY likes/dislikes. :)

#216605 by PaperDog
Thu Jun 13, 2013 12:10 am
Peg Lautny wrote:Welcome to BM Gezz. You have a very pleasant voice but I'd like to hear you use it to sing more and do less of the cutesy, cutesy, talky, talky Jack Johnson thing. That kind of apathetic who gives a leap style of "singing" bores me to no end. And for MY tastes maybe a little less of the sing song nursery rhyme school of melody. Where this line goes up---and that line goes down---and this line goes up---and that line goes down.

One last suggestion, you need a hook. Maybe you or your guitarist can come up with some simple and repetitive little melody to sustain musical interests.

I hope that all didn't come off too harsh! They're just some of my thoughts based on MY likes/dislikes. :)


I cant wait to hear your fantastic, perfect, non leap-frog songs... (Or do you 'do' songs?

#216637 by Peg Lautny
Thu Jun 13, 2013 6:04 am
PaperDog wrote:
Peg Lautny wrote:Welcome to BM Gezz. You have a very pleasant voice but I'd like to hear you use it to sing more and do less of the cutesy, cutesy, talky, talky Jack Johnson thing. That kind of apathetic who gives a leap style of "singing" bores me to no end. And for MY tastes maybe a little less of the sing song nursery rhyme school of melody. Where this line goes up---and that line goes down---and this line goes up---and that line goes down.

One last suggestion, you need a hook. Maybe you or your guitarist can come up with some simple and repetitive little melody to sustain musical interests.

I hope that all didn't come off too harsh! They're just some of my thoughts based on MY likes/dislikes. :)


I cant wait to hear your fantastic, perfect, non leap-frog songs... (Or do you 'do' songs?


You already have. And you were were quite impressed and complimentary. Guess you forgot. Of course that was when you were still rubbing 'em out to my avatar. :oops:

Gezz, please don't be put off by PaperDog's adolescent behaviour bringing his childish, and peevish sour grapes into your thread. And forgive my trespass of taking a sideturn as well to put him in his place. (again)

#216642 by Gezz
Thu Jun 13, 2013 7:40 am
hi guys...

i welcome constructive criticism. im not really a singer although i do sing occasionally. :)

it was all about the words in the track for me, but it does need something else

im more of a funky guy... here is kind of stuff i usually write/play

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47G7J56--bs

:)

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