General Music Chat

^ Yep. Be upfront about your needs. Musical and otherwise.

First decide what you want. Is the relationship most important or playing music. then work toward that goal. Rules should be equal for both. if the relationship is the most important, why not agree to only play in a band together and to start fresh. turn in notices for all your bands and build a new band together and focus only having a great relationship and a great new band! Distance apart will always cause problems! But sounds like your band is nearly over anyway. You both have the skills to play good music. Do it together and choose other musicians that have the talent to bring something to the table. you both will be happier in the end with a brand new band and a fresh start on the relationship with a new agreement on what to do when other band offers come around. anyway make yourself happy. you must care about him or you wouldnt be asking us. you also want to play music, so the only way to do both and be happy is to start a new band together and work out this issue with a new rule that both of you follow. Have a great day!

Randy Moore

years ago. I was rooming with a fellow musician years ago. He was in the process of putting together a power trio the likes of which I have never seen before or since. I'm telling you they were destined for superstardom. They were coming up with ten killer originals a week, unbelievable three part harmonies layered over powerful chords, phenomenal drumming and world class bass playing, it was going to be BIG. The guitar player started dating a HOT woman and she got pregnant. She basically told him it's either marry her or stay with the band. Of course he married her. Not long after they had a few more kids, he became despondent over the loss of his once in a lifetime band and they went through a bitter divorce. He basically held a grudge during his marriage and it tore him apart. One of the worst situations I've ever seen in music. DON'T LET IT HAPPEN TO YOU. Later...

'Tis the trepidations of the Dyonisian personality.

Dionysian personality means but it sounds like some bad sh*t. Later...

Note to Fisherman Bob,

Looks like your "avatar" is back.

I checked out your profile hopin' to hear some heartland deep blues and found the names of a lot of great songs....But no audio! wasup?

Dionysian personality means but it sounds like some bad sh*t. Later...

I should have explained.

It's a psychological personality term and it refers to the Greek God Dionysus, God of wine, music, intoxication, and hedonistic pleasure. Rock people are almost all Dionysians, as are musicians in general. When Jim Morrison of The Doors was referred to as Dionysus, that was really no joke. They seek the extreme pleasures of the moment, especially the "highs" fame (performance) and often have substance abuse or obsessional issues. The Dionysian acts out on this stuff early in life, and can largely deal with it because of youth and vigor. But if it doesn't ease up in later life, they become conflicted, suffer much loss and can have shortened life spans.

It sound like thats what happened to your musician friend. Faced with a stellar music career, and lifetime sex with a beautiful woman, he of course wanted it all. He didn't do the critique with the young woman's personality to see possible problems in the future when a music career and committed family life can often come into collision. And sure enough, he did and he lost both things.

The late Dr. Jean Shinoda wrote that Dionysians are wonderful in youth, but have to grow and temper their "thirsts" or will become miserable and broken adults.

Sorry about all that, my wife is a clinical counselor so I think I've been absorbing it like osmosis.

click on my profile then click on the audio/video button, a list of the songs comes up, then click on the song title. You should be able to download it, if not let me know. ALso if it downloads but doesn't sound right let me know, I haven't tried it myself because my computer is messed up. Thanks...later...Yeah my friend I guess did have trepidations of Dionysian personality. He let his sexual urges get in the way of his musical career. Alcohol wasn't a problem but I guess some people can act like a drunk even though they never drink a drop of alcohol. Later...

While I don't mind someone having a side project, if they put more effort into it than they do the band we are in together and it is a detriment to the progress of the band we share, it's time to put it to them straight.

If you want to keep your band and your boyfriend, I would suggest something along the lines of, 'look, either you need to put the same amount of time and effort into our band or get the hell out of it. I'm staying in and going to find a guitarist and drummer that want to make it work if you two can't get along or don't want to make things work.'

If you're not concerned about keeping the boyfriend, just join the other band and if he doesn't like it, tell him 'tough, deal with it or move the hell on.'

Don't put your dreams on hold because your boyfriend is playing the role of immature punk and acting like a selfish, jealous prick. I once gave up a band I put together and that had an opportunity to go on tour (guaranteed monthly salaries) to come back from overseas and save my marriage. Nine months later she left. I regret sacrificing something I dreamed about and worked so hard to put together for someone who didn't give a rat's ass about me.

In another band, I moved in with and dated the bassist in my band after relocating at her suggestion (I was willing to go where ever was needed to make something happen with the band). Our drummer had some major life issues going on and was thinking of relocating there with us (an hour away), but did not...and she decided she wanted a relationship more than a band. I wanted the band more than the relationship. That caused a strain, and so I moved on.

It's happened to me twice and I'll be damned if I let it happen again. It is simply too frustrating. I understand his rule of not dating women who work in bar scenes...I have seen and experienced enough to know that type is not for me...but I personally never put women who played music in that same category as the bartenders, strippers, waitresses, etc. that seem all too often to be playing games and hustling for money or a ride out of town. You're a musician, in a band with him, and he broke whatever rule he had by dating you in any case---if that was the argument he was using to say he wouldn't date you if you were to be playing in another band.

If your boyfriend can't deal with you having a life and career of your own, then tell him he ought to get his ass back into focus with the band you share. His wanting to play in however many bands he wants and not let you play in another is him being jealous and scared.

People like that will only hold you back at the expense of your emotions, sanity, dreams and aspirations. In the end, those sorts of people are never worth the trouble and effort you will put into such a one-sided relationship.

Give him an ultimatum. It's not like it would be so horrible to be in a band with your girlfriend. I think that is a kick ass situation personally...unless there is an end to the relationship. Then the question becomes one of whether or not you can function in the same band as an ex. Some can and some people can't.

Tell him what's on your mind and stand up for yourself. If he doesn't have the balls to tell the other band member that is causing distress to shape up or get the hell out of the band and take your side on the issue, he's not really worth your time anyway.