General Music Chat

lol JW kiss your wife hard and tell how happy it makes you that she's upset about this woman.

And then take her out for something nice she wants to do, when she asks why, tell her you are rewarding her for being jealous and caring about you as much as she does.

She'll get it. And JW, follow your gut instinct. You got it going on, I am sure you'll do the right thing.

(it'd be much worse if she didn't care enough to get mad or jealous)

amen.

THANKS GUYS!

Im just trying to get myself set on this, so when it happens again I have a plan to follow thru with. The crazy thing is when Im gigging Im pretty much all business, my wife goes with me early to set up and see's the work involved and should know that since I move the gear and tear it down that I really have no time for monkee business(Sorry Davey), that was a slip of the tongue.

Hey Capt, I would kiss her real hard if she would let me get close enough!

And Slacker I guess I shouldnt invite the offending woman home with us?

I figure anyone on this site that gigs and has a wife or significant other at some point or the other goes thru this same thing.

jsantos

WE enjoy your music. So your "Significant Other" is pretty wise indeed.

Never give up never surrender .........................

Thanks Ayr!

Right wrong or indifferent. Each party in a marriage is the responsible keeper of the others feelings.

Base your actions on that ... you will never go wrong.

Yep...
John, just take the shot for her. Use the "it makes me uncomfortable at this time, because I really want to honor my new wife. " approach.

It's kind of a no win situation, and it's not fair that your wife is doing this, but if you are happy with her, just take the bullet.

Probably be easier if you happened to run into her in a non-gig, non-bar situation, and layed it out then. (If she is touchy feely outside of that environment, that is)

Be aware it could backfire in a big way. A man whom shows devotion to "one woman" can be a major turn on to other women.

Is it the challenge, or possibly that the "other woman" wants a man like that too ... who knows.

She is a Beautiful lady and certainly doesn't have ANYTHING to be insecure about with ANY WOMAN! Just my opinion!

Unfortunately, that makes zero difference.

Some of you, I think, saw a YouTube clip or picture of my ex-fiancee from over a year ago, the professional singer from Germany. In my eyes, at the time, I found her unbelievably gorgeous.

And yet, she was the most insecure woman I've ever met.

Beauty has nothing to do with how these women see themselves. Security is a separate issue.

Why doesn't it bother them when someone who looks like Yoko Ono's ugly sister tries to flirt with you?

She is a Beautiful lady and certainly doesn't have ANYTHING to be insecure about with ANY WOMAN! Just my opinion!

Unfortunately, that makes zero difference.

Some of you, I think, saw a YouTube clip or picture of my ex-fiancee from over a year ago, the professional singer from Germany. In my eyes, at the time, I found her unbelievably gorgeous.

And yet, she was the most insecure woman I've ever met.

Beauty has nothing to do with how these women see themselves. Security is a separate issue.

Agreed Chris. You have a very LEVEL headed opinion (about MOST things)
I think it is about self image! Self image effects us all! I remember my dad telling me how much better looking he is than me! How to you wrap your head around that? Mothers Jealous of there own daughters because they have the fathers genetic make up and maybe those woman had bigger ta ta's! These things in our life's that shape who we become as mature adult's can haunt us for the REST OF OUR LIVE'S and that is SO SAD! I say break the chain and make sure YOUR kids have a strong SELF IMAGE so they and their potential mates don't have to live the same nightmare!

My wife woke me up at three in the morning once and said, "Should I be worried?"

Huh? Turns out that I'd foolishly bragged that my new boss (a female) considered me quite competent and gave me a free hand to do what I needed to do (IT proj Mgt). That really worried her for some reason.

A chick singer who had worked with me in FL came to one of our gigs. I was single at the time. (she ignored me but I worshipped her) A girl in the audience said, "That bass player's cute - is he married?"

"Yes!" said my 'friend!"

Women? I've got no bloody clue. My wife thinks I'm pretty much ridiculous when it comes to music and doesn't like the tunes I write. Whatever...

Talbot

Actually JW , the part I don't get, is why didn't you just call this girl out, when you were in between marriages.

Maybe you might have made their marriage better or destroyed something that wasn't a real marriage to begin with.

Maybe her husband wants her to get that flirty so that when they get home...

SHABANG!! How could you be expected to know what the story is?

Sorry If it seems I make fun of this JW , but I'm getting older, and the days of doing 2 women in a short night are not that appealing. Long time ago before marriage. My wife knows that and the only thing that could get me into trouble would be lack of participation, if you know what I mean.

One other stupid thought,, This girl isn't dangerous, is she? guns ,stalking....

My wife woke me up at three in the morning once and said, "Should I be worried?"

Huh? Turns out that I'd foolishly bragged that my new boss (a female) considered me quite competent and gave me a free hand to do what I needed to do (IT proj Mgt). That really worried her for some reason.

A chick singer who had worked with me in FL came to one of our gigs. I was single at the time. (she ignored me but I worshipped her) A girl in the audience said, "That bass player's cute - is he married?"

"Yes!" said my 'friend!"

Women? I've got no bloody clue. My wife thinks I'm pretty much ridiculous when it comes to music and doesn't like the tunes I write. Whatever...

Talbot

These are all normal concerns. That is ALL THEY SHOULD EVER BE! We all feel threatened from time to time that is ALL it should EVER be is a fleeting concern! Folks don't give these thoughts any more concern then they are due! For Gods Sake they are not worth THE WORRY! I frankly am ashamed when I have these feelings and I will NEVER let my wife know when I have them! Perhaps that is what you are dealing with John? She is ashamed by the way she feels?

The girl is obviously caught up in the fantasy of rock n roll adulation... (I mean if she cant notice the wife there, then she's tripping. )

We can fight fantasy with fantasy..Turn it around on her...

Start talking about Jesus and how we should all Repent for our sins at www.Irepent.com> etc...(You get the idea) .

Throw in that you guys like to have Bible foursomes and that the goal is to read through all of leviticus by Easter...

Dude, if that don't burst her bubble...then I guess a more direct approach is the answer.

I know its all crazy, but this couple, and I refer to them as a couple, have been coming to see us for years, her husband says we are one of his top ten favorite bands ever. So on one hand you hate to burn an old fan of the band, but some things are more important than music.

Someone mentioned that I should have stopped it a long time ago, but while I was between marriages it didnt matter to anyone. In fact I had a GF for a couple of years that got to be real good friends with this gal. No issue's.

I guess this thread makes it sound like me and my wife are having some huge issues, but thats really not the case its just this one gal that keeps popping up.

Thanks for everyones insight, I havent ever seen a thread on here discuss this sort of thing, but for any weekend warrior giggin musician like myself, that has a wife or serious GF Im sure that these things pop up over time.

Im just going to use the uncomfortable approach, or it makes me feel uncomfortable approach, I would like to do it away from a gig, but I dont think I want to open that can of worms up, hopefully this gal thinks enough of me as a long time friend to understand.

You know being a rock star and some gals fantasy is tough!

There should be a book on handling this sort of thing.

My advice for anyone who is having spousal problems is this: Once she is absolutely sure that she is first in your life, there will be no problem.

It would help if she's an independent sort of girl, and has something (kids, hobbies, job) that keeps her very busy.