General Music Chat

Jw... Damn Good question...

As you Know, I dont gig.. But ifn I were to...(and someday I might) here is my take on it:

1) If it pays the rent..then its not an issue..
2) Too many Girls (aka Groupies)? It seems that 's part of the Rock n Roll vocation...A strong woman understands that and wont sweat it. (Look at Sharon Osborne..I think she rocks! ). A good man, wont dishonor his wife.
3) Practice schedules? If that doesn't cut into a day job...then there should be no prob... If its PART of the day Job...Then it should be even less of a prob..
4) Advance Bookings Override Family time. If its your career...and pays the bills All else is 2nd priority (short of sickness) But if its a hobby, You soooo owe family some compensation... So maybe booking a travel plan along with it...?


I haven't been married for a long time... I relish my freedoms too much now...... But I also understand the importance of family . At the end of the day, the time we give is probably the most sought after commodity known to mankind... I say, spend it wisely and give some, take some... Also there will always be another gig...but we can never recover lost opportunity that we could have had with the folks we claim to love... Its a tough call...

Cajundaddy understands - it IS about compromise.
I met my wife during a period in my life when I had laid aside music. Now that I'm back doing it again, there are issues. Before making any decisions, I consult with her. She understands how important music is to me now, and I have given her the chance to participate, but she doesn't want to do that, just have her say in what I do.

Cajundaddy understands - it IS about compromise.
I met my wife during a period in my life when I had laid aside music. Now that I'm back doing it again, there are issues. Before making any decisions, I consult with her. She understands how important music is to me now, and I have given her the chance to participate, but she doesn't want to do that, just have her say in what I do.

Just semantics I suppose but I don't consider that compromise.
Just good common sense.

Compromise is not doing what you know is right to please another.
It's an ugly vulgar word like rape.

If she doesn't understand that you need to play, you are better off cutting her loose.

OK, I have a situation I will spill on the floor here for you guys to beat me up over.

There is this couple that have come to see my band for years, the wife tends to show me a lot of attention, so much in fact that years ago I actually quit the band to save a marriage. LOL, I wound up getting a divorce anyway, LOL

Over the last couple of years this same couple still supports our band, comes to damn near everything we do, my wife hates her, she always comes up to me and either hugs me or puts her hands on me, I dont talk about partying or sex, I know they have kids, and ussually I just ask how are the kids doing, that sort of thing, in my mind its just basic PR. Which I have explained to the wife. She doesnt like this gal and doesnt want her around me or her, so a few monthes ago I said OK I will handle this, she said what are you gonna do, I said Im just gonna tell her that you dont like her pawing on me and to stop, My wife turned this around on me and said well I dont want her to know that she is getting too me.

A couple of gigs ago they showed up, and when this gal came over, I just got my wife up and went outside for a smoke.

This past friday the same thing, we are sitting at the bar before our set, and this gal comes up puts her hand on my shoulder, and shoots the crap for 2-3 minutes, I mean this is the way it always is, I just say hi thanks for coming and how are the kids, its a couple but she always does the talking, I feel sorry for her husband, but thats another story.

So Ive gone thru another couple fo days of hell with the wife over someone that we run into every 2-3 monthes at gigs, I told the wife that next time Im gonna say something and just put an end to it once and for all, Oh dont do that, its my problem not yours, and I said no its our problem now since youve made it our problem.

Sorry this isnt my usual funny sunny self, but this is driving me nuts.

Ive got a great band to play with that i love playing with, Im way past picking up women or even thinking ablout it, I dont have any substance or drinking issues at this point in my life, everythings great, but this one area of playing with my buds gets invaded by someone that has supported the band for 25 years! DUH!

Just curious if any of you have any suggestions?

Thanks

I feel for you JW. I've dealt with the same exact thing.

This is an insecurity issue with your wife. And I know exactly what you're talking about - been through it word for word.

You have to nip this in the bud. Women will say, "I don't want that woman knowing", but the reality is they WANT you to tell the other chick off. They NEED you to do that. This is really the double-negative of women-speak at work. When you're wife says she doesn't want you to talk to this other gal and let her know her behavior makes her jealous, your wife is lying. She really wants you to say something. Because that means you have your wife's back. And that's what she really cares about.

Jealousy is, unfortunately, normal. We musicians are at risk for higher-than normal doses of jealousy from our significant others.

I think the only think you can do is continue to reassure your wife that she's all you need, you go home with HER for God's sake, and then next time to tell this other woman exactly how your wife feels.

The only way this will ever really get solved is if the two women talk to each other. What really needs to happen is this lady needs to become your wife's friend. Then your wife will lay off. Right now, she's a threat to your wife because your wife doesn't know her personally...

JW,
My 2 cents,
You need to confront the woman if YOU want it to stop. Even if you have to whit-lie it and tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable. It may be harmless but trouble comes in all shapes and sizes. Nip it quietly.
A good woman (your wife) is worth it.
Good Luck

Jahva that is how I plan to approach it, when it happens again Im going to just say Look it makes me very uncomfartable that you are so forward with me, Im in a committed relationship and if some guy acted this way toward my wife I would call him on it, immediately.

Friday night we did have this guy sit next to us and kept carrying on a little too intimately, I told him look we dont mind talking to you, but you are getting into a sensitve area for, if you keep it up one of us is getting thier ass kicked. He was big ole bastard, and I didnt know how he would react, thankfully I didnt have to prove someone was gonna get thier ass kicked. When we got ready to play I moved my wife over with some good friends of the band.

Chris its funny you mention them being friends, cause when we first met them or when my wife first met her, this gal would talk to her, but my wife just decided she didnt like her. This gal would try to get her to dance with her when the band was playing, but my wife decided she didnt want any part of it, a few monthes ago I said at first I think she was trying to be friends with you, cause I go back so far with them.

Of course the wife just said I was siding with this other gal instead of her.

You know I just want to get out and rock, I dont give a crap about this kinda of bullshit, but it seems to follow me around.

"Whereever I go, theres a black cloud following me!"

Love me some Trapeze!

Jahva that is how I plan to approach it, when it happens again Im going to just say Look it makes me very uncomfartable that you are so forward with me, Im in a committed relationship and if some guy acted this way toward my wife I would call him on it, immediately.

Friday night we did have this guy sit next to us and kept carrying on a little too intimately, I told him look we dont mind talking to you, but you are getting into a sensitve area for, if you keep it up one of us is getting thier ass kicked. He was big ole bastard, and I didnt know how he would react, thankfully I didnt have to prove someone was gonna get thier ass kicked. When we got ready to play I moved my wife over with some good friends of the band.

Right on man. Take care of your bizness!!

Thanks Jahva for the advice

I know this isnt a musical thread per see, but man this stuff is tough sometimes, Im just trying to do the right thing!

John, I believe your wife is being unreasonable (with all due respect). You were in a band when she met you right? She knew what she was getting involved in when she started the relationship. Your wife is putting you in an impossible situation. If this woman is just putting her hand on your shoulder and such that is not really out of line IMO. If they have been friends with you for a long while that is something your wife should consider. You have put pictures of your wife up at the gigs (I think). She is a Beautiful lady and certainly doesn't have ANYTHING to be insecure about with ANY WOMAN! Just my opinion!

Haley while I agree with you, it doesnt matter in the context of a marriage does it?

She has told me she doesnt think there is anything going on between me and this person. Just thinks the other woman does this to get at her in some way.

I dont get that, but hey Im a man.

Women are wired different is my only thought.

FWIW I think Jhava nailed it.

Your wife is really uncomfortable with touchy-feely girl and she needs you to "stand in the gap" on her account. That means taking touchy-feely aside and explaining that you appreciate she has been a loyal fan for so long but you have a problem. She is very affectionate and it is making YOU uncomfortable. You are a happily married guy and you want to keep it that way. We can still hang out but I need to keep some personal space out of respect for my marriage. Talk yes, touchy-feely no. Can you be cool with that? Or some words to that effect. Your wife will think you are a knight in shining armor and touchy-feely will probably be fine with it. If she gets offended... oh well.

In our band I am the crooner who sings most of the ballads. It is not uncommon for a pretty woman to have a little too much too drink and decide she wants to slice off a little piece after a gig. I am always friendly but politely decline. No quickie could ever be worth the nuclear fallout that is sure to come at home. I respect and appreciate what I have and am not willing to risk it for some one time honey with beer goggles on.

Every time there is contention call for group hugs. That ought to shut them up.