Wildnorthwoodsman wrote: It is really a good band and a great bunch of people.
Well, both the "band" and the "great bunch of people" are on the decline now it seems. Time to make some fast hard choices.
Sounds like she has done this at least three times. Strike three you're out. That should be a basic rule, which is generous at that. Quit the band, and didn't cover a gig until a replacement was found? That's "One strike you're out" And don't take their sorry ass back. Blowing a gig for no good reason, is unforgiveable. Club owners know each other. People running the clubs know each other. They talk. f**k one club owner over, and you may find you are not working as much as you used to, anywhere.
A band is a community endeavor. It is not just 5 guys in a band, but potentially, five different FAMILIES also involved, who generally make sacrifices, so their musical family member can play. The band comes first where anything musical is concerned, but families have to be considered also, as everything we do, affects those closest to us, sometimes making the sacrifices with us, to help us do what we do.
Being in a band, means acting in the best interest for the band, where band issues are concerned. A chick quitting over her mixed feelings of a bandmate who is also a lover, is NOT in the band's best interest. In fact, it is DERIMENTAL to the band. Trying to keep a f**k up girlfriend in the band is also DETRIMENTAL. He doesn't deserve to be the band leader.
My wife knows, not to start drama, or suddenly need to "talk" in the middle of band practice. It is sacred. Wait until after the practice. This happened ONCE, only ONCE. I told her, that it is unfair to put , not just 4 other guys on hold, sitting around for nothing, but also their four families, all waiting for them to come home on time. I told her, there are five families represented here, and you are not gonna tell them that our family is more important than their family, by DEMANDING that they all be made to waste their time, at a scheduled practice, because you JUST HAVE to deal with some personal issue with me NOW. She said "Well, I'm leaving in the car, and you don't want me to pull out of here! If I do, it's over, I'm packing my stuff!" I told her "Make sure you don't take any of my stuff with you."
I said "Look, if you leave that's your choice. But I have a committment here from 2pm to 6pm and I am honoring that committment. Whether you like it or not, or whether you leave me or not.
I keep my committments to you, always, and it will not help it to remain so, if I suddenly decide to start breaking committments in other areas of my life.
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If all the people in your band are truly committed, they need to prove it by honoring their committments REGULARLY, and eliminating things that detract from your committments and detract from your being the best band you can be. Which starts with being reliable and dependable, almost before we even discuss the musical part of it.
If she is still in the band, you need a group meeting where, hopefully, everyone agrees, that after this many times, if there is another, it will be the last time. Someone who quits a band that many times, is not truly there for the BAND, but for their own solitary purpose. And that selfish purpose has the power to destroy the band, if allowed to continue.
A person who is out for themselves first, and not the band as a whole, needs to grab a guitar and microphone and find a nice coffee shop somewhere to begin their solo career. They don't belong in a band, they don't have the heart for it.