In the interest of serving my fellow musician brethren and sistahs...
Here is a list of queues to look for when interviewing musicians. Use these as a guideline for rejecting FLAKES and POSERS and for KEEPING the KEEPERS (And by all means, feel free to add to it...or modify it)
BEFORE ANY DISCUSSION OF MEETING UP:
1) Does the candidate have more than 4 years performing/recording experience with a band
YES: Then proceed to the next
NO: Reject. Unless you personally know him and want to cut him a break...He's just not gonna have the endurance to handle a working band.
2) Is the candidate 45 years old or older AND Does the candidate Know how to play Stairway to Heaven?
YES to Both: Potential Keeper. Proceed to next
NO to One or Both: REJECT! Either too young to know the song, or old enough to know the song but claims to be a musician... Either way, if the guy cant play that song, what good is he?
3) Does the candidate Smoke & Drink while gigging.
YES: REJECT...Get rid of him...The real reason is simple...You guys are broke and he will constantly bum your smokes...Its an expensive Beg-fest in my opinion.
NO: Proceed to next
4) Has the candidate been married for more than 4 years to the same woman?
YES: Prolly a keeper... But be sure to test him...Get him to say, "Yes Dear..."... If he sounds like Huckleberry Hound, then he'll make a great roadie, backstage.
NO: Watch your wives, carefully...
5) On the phone, does the candidate appear to talk a lot?
YES: REJECT! He's a poser.
NO: Proceed to next
6) On The Phone, Does the candidate appear to not really talk at all..
YES. REJECT! He's a stoner.
NO: Proceed to next
7) On the phone, is the candidate very polite, never interrupts, and says profoundly whacky things?
YES: REJECT! He's a poser who is stoned
NO: Proceed to next
Does the candidate know how many strings are really on a Nine-string Bass?
YES: REJECT
NO: REJECT: Everybody knows it's 9
9) Does the candidate understand that you cant divide 4 into a 32nd note and expect to come up with four distinct octives to shred around with..?
YES: KEEPER: Proceed to next
NO: KEEPER: Proceed to next... (and welcome to the new priesthood of mutant shredders)
10) Has the candidate ever accepted foreign Currency on behalf of the band's payment for a club-show.;..
YES: REJECT...And send his ass back to Canada
NO: KEEPER ...and send his ass to Canada for a beer run...
Here is a list of queues to look for when interviewing musicians. Use these as a guideline for rejecting FLAKES and POSERS and for KEEPING the KEEPERS (And by all means, feel free to add to it...or modify it)
BEFORE ANY DISCUSSION OF MEETING UP:
1) Does the candidate have more than 4 years performing/recording experience with a band
YES: Then proceed to the next
NO: Reject. Unless you personally know him and want to cut him a break...He's just not gonna have the endurance to handle a working band.
2) Is the candidate 45 years old or older AND Does the candidate Know how to play Stairway to Heaven?
YES to Both: Potential Keeper. Proceed to next
NO to One or Both: REJECT! Either too young to know the song, or old enough to know the song but claims to be a musician... Either way, if the guy cant play that song, what good is he?
3) Does the candidate Smoke & Drink while gigging.
YES: REJECT...Get rid of him...The real reason is simple...You guys are broke and he will constantly bum your smokes...Its an expensive Beg-fest in my opinion.
NO: Proceed to next
4) Has the candidate been married for more than 4 years to the same woman?
YES: Prolly a keeper... But be sure to test him...Get him to say, "Yes Dear..."... If he sounds like Huckleberry Hound, then he'll make a great roadie, backstage.
NO: Watch your wives, carefully...
5) On the phone, does the candidate appear to talk a lot?
YES: REJECT! He's a poser.
NO: Proceed to next
6) On The Phone, Does the candidate appear to not really talk at all..
YES. REJECT! He's a stoner.
NO: Proceed to next
7) On the phone, is the candidate very polite, never interrupts, and says profoundly whacky things?
YES: REJECT! He's a poser who is stoned
NO: Proceed to next
Does the candidate know how many strings are really on a Nine-string Bass?
YES: REJECT
NO: REJECT: Everybody knows it's 9
9) Does the candidate understand that you cant divide 4 into a 32nd note and expect to come up with four distinct octives to shred around with..?
YES: KEEPER: Proceed to next
NO: KEEPER: Proceed to next... (and welcome to the new priesthood of mutant shredders)
10) Has the candidate ever accepted foreign Currency on behalf of the band's payment for a club-show.;..
YES: REJECT...And send his ass back to Canada
NO: KEEPER ...and send his ass to Canada for a beer run...
