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#155984 by Starfish Scott
Wed Oct 19, 2011 6:38 pm
An aberration in my book.

I would like critique on this one.

Unsure and getting conflicting advice from many ears including my own.

Please include constructive remarks to improve or say anything you think.
I do not know what to think about it.

It's called "SPIN" and it's on my player.
#155988 by PaperDog
Wed Oct 19, 2011 7:06 pm
Chief Engineer Scott wrote:An aberration in my book.

I would like critique on this one.

Unsure and getting conflicting advice from many ears including my own.

Please include constructive remarks to improve or say anything you think.
I do not know what to think about it.

It's called "SPIN" and it's on my player.


Chief,

Its an interesting sound...

What I like:
1) It has a nice ethereal quality. I hear an ecclectic collection, consisting of FLoyd, Nirvana, DIre straights ambience ) and all the good stuff.
2) Definitely your signature amongst others here.. :)

What I dont like:
1) Mostly Technical: Voice track, articulation fades in and out..need to enunciate your words more. Use some separation between your voice track and the Synth. i.e Manipulate the Dbs a little and EQ the synth for a darker tone so that your voice can stand in front of it.

2) During parts of your bridges/Middles, seemed that there's not certainty about where to take them. I recommend more assertiveness in those fixtures of the song. Even if you discover they were wrong and needed to be changed, they still have standing and credibility, as long as they are delivered with deliberate presence, as though they did belong in the song. (Its best form of faking I can think of until a better phrase can come about)

These of course, are my humble opinions and as Dennis miller would say...I could be wrong.

:wink:

#155990 by Cajundaddy
Wed Oct 19, 2011 7:50 pm
A standout! The best track you have posted here yet IMNSHO.
Definitely a Pink Floyd feel, so much so that I can envision a David Gilmour style melodic guitar track in the mix.

Things to consider/clean up: Solid transitions between the different parts of the song. Make sure you always maintain the groove. If you want this tune to really fly, give it to a seasoned pro with fresh ears for remix and mastering.

#155994 by KLUGMO
Wed Oct 19, 2011 10:24 pm
I like it, I really do.
It kept me interested throughout. I like the kind of qualude
feeling I get listening to it.
Of course You dont have the vocals out front as you should
and I think you should add 2 more tracks of guitar highlight
and piano lead somewhere in it then a remix.

Its a good song, worth the effort.[/b]

#155998 by ANGELSSHOTGUN
Wed Oct 19, 2011 10:57 pm
You are UNIQUE. Very strong asset Capt.
One song, I'm not going to tell you I love it, but I see where your coming from. You have some serious recording skills, some serious creative ideas, and in this one song you need to bring out the performance more. Those are not easy vocals to pull off.
Thank you very much for sharing. Good to see you contributing,,,
(my favorite pain in the ass. :) )

#156005 by Starfish Scott
Thu Oct 20, 2011 1:15 am
(shocked)

Huh?

Uh....(trailing off)

1st) I am not the technician, merely creative dept only...
I usually work with others to get my basic tracks down, like the skeleton of the piece. Then I flesh out until I think I have something reasonable.

2nd) Very shocked that anyone likes this. It's an aberration because I wanted to record a tune that is a cover and the real tech did not.
Thus I was forced to compose this very quickly, almost instantly. I only had 4 guitar lines I wanted to use at the onset and LOUSY, incomplete lyrics, the fact that anyone likes this is almost inconceivable.
(I know I was kind of mad at the time because I felt like I was unprepared)

Someone mentioned that the vocals seem unsure and lack confidence.
BING you get a prize. I didn't know what the vocal track was going to sound like even as we were recording it. (wincing)

Even worse, the whole first speaking word intro type thing is something I would typically erase the vocals from completely and I would just have the vocals pick up at "she left me on the wall".

I have a big problem with the vocal blemish I uttered at 1:55. You people telling me you didn't hear that ? My cohort tells me to leave it in.
(I just look at him in complete disbelief)

You folks have left me scratching my head. Please give me the specifics and notate with the time so we can fix it.

Again, I feel like I dodged a bullet.

I figured this would be a ripfest on this one.

Now I am a little scared that you folks will like anything I write, if you actually dug this mess.

If I could have one favor, just rip that ass where it needs ripped and be specific as that's how I correct the recording.

I have to laugh, I am still unsure of what to do with it short of a complete overhaul.

As always, kudos to my collaborative and technical cohort, LA LONG. His tech skills are second to none and I really appreciate his keys style. He also gave me key lines to supplement my sh*t lyrics when I had nothing.

I guess if I have 4 lines of crap next time and he's willing, we'll pump out something else that will make you wonder wtf is going on.

I know I am confused.

PS: Call me Scott, everyone else does..

#156027 by jimmydanger
Thu Oct 20, 2011 12:41 pm
Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while. But seriously not bad, I'm not crazy about the lyrics and it needs a bit more cohesiveness but all in all good job.

#156349 by RGMixProject
Sun Oct 23, 2011 6:45 pm
Bump

Man am I bored today\

but I do love music

hint hint

#156350 by gbheil
Sun Oct 23, 2011 7:25 pm
Love the harmonics and sound, the overall feel is dream like.
Vocals too much in front IMO and me thinks the tempo is a bit slow.
( that thump tack thump tack is driving me nuts )

#156356 by gtZip
Sun Oct 23, 2011 9:50 pm
That's art.

In my 'opinion':
I would shorten the spoken word intro by about half.
Your real hook starts about 2:24. You should repeat it at 3:15 instead of just having instrumental.
In fact, start at 3:15 with the hook ('chorus') and do it twice. Then go out with the piano and the ending that you already have.

Very nice piece.


** also **
lol, I just went back and read all of the comments before mine.

Believe me, if I thought it was sh*t I would tell you. :-)
Since it sounds like you arent happy with the lyrics and spoken word, I would ditch the spoken word and shorten the intro piece.

It's certainly not your standard pop song, but generally if you can get to the chorus within a minute to a minute and a half, it generally works out well.

It's unique to me. It's art to me.

#156429 by Starfish Scott
Mon Oct 24, 2011 4:12 pm
(whhaaaaaaaatttttttttt??>>?!>!?!>?!>!?>????)


Oh noooooooooooooo lol


On the positive side, thank you very much for specific comments about what, where and when.

Sans and Zip, that's exactly what I asked for...when it gets reconstructed, that will be more than likely what gets done to it. That type of critique is priceless, as I don't have to guess.

I don't know how to take the overly positive comments, I am just a regular starfish in a giant expanse of sea animals..glad no one can see me blush underwater/deep space.

Sans, the percussion is something I never think about. I am so completely unskilled as a drummer that I never have an opinion about the drums. (as long as it's keeping time, I don't even notice the drums at all) And come to think of it that drum beat is more than a little repetitive.

ART did you say? Who's he? The only ART I know is the guy with no arms and legs, hanging on the wall.. (drum roll + crash)

And the last shot is a crippler...

Did I write "POP"? OMG I need to go wash it off as fast as I can. I hope it doesn't stain and/or stink.

I'll say a extra long prayer before I go to sleep this evening that it goes away without the aid of strong antibiotics and a lot of rest.

Just very shocked that anyone likes this. I felt like I got invited to a gunfight and all I had was this lousy penknife.

Now I am in big trouble though because "Sir Elton/Billy Joel" will have me for dinner on our next outing.

And I still think that the real magic is whom you have running the console.
Without Les, this thing thing would really be just as bad as I thought it was. He really adjusted it where it needed to be adjusted, regardless of what I thought. (owww that hurt)

If I made Scrambled Eggs and a real chef came along and transformed it into Eggs Florentine, I guess the smart thing to do is to shut my mouth and eat it. It definitely can be a bitter pill to swallow though.

I can almost guarantee the next one will be worse, keep your red felt pens handy to correct the errors.

I sincerely thank you for your critique(s), any and all.

-S.

#156512 by FEDORA and the Explorers
Tue Oct 25, 2011 6:13 pm
Hey Scott... You should try putting some the pads in the middle and in the back, then pan the piano more so to the right, and the guitar more so to the left. Leave your vocals and the drums hanging around the middle, with the vocals out front, but not too far out front. Then close your eyes, listen to it and see if it feels right. That will help spread the sound around. And, I agree with zip on the structure of the song.

#156535 by gbheil
Tue Oct 25, 2011 11:02 pm
I don't know why you would be shocked man ... it's out of the box. 8)

I love the way our drummer Steve is constantly working to make his contribution an intrinsic part of the song, yet dynamic.

#156559 by lalong
Wed Oct 26, 2011 2:22 pm
First a word from our sponsor. So right now I’m working with three different local guitarists/artists and a great on line collaboration site, all of which I met through bandmix. Regardless of how the end product from each will come out, hopefully decent, I couldn’t possibly any more musically active. Tuesdays it Scott’s psychedelic, Wednesdays and Sundays, Ben’s progressive and Fridays alternate rock with Mike. Yeah what a rip off this site is, what the hell am I going to do on Monday, Thursday and Saturday? :D

So we had an excellent session yesterday, productive, laid down a few decent tracks and still had time to jam. Great playing Scott, that was a lot of fun. :)

Some excellent advice folks, thanks for taking the time to give a listen and some thoughtful input. During our session, we discussed the following changes: My next steps will be to chop off the beginning. It sets up the wrong vibe that just gets interrupted by the abrupt change. The only transitions I could think of is if Scott maybe did a climb or dive on the guitar to carry the end of one over into the beginning of the next, or some sort of synth sweep/swell. I’m not optimistic about how that would come out, since they are so different and it would take a lot of effort to get it right, assuming it goes over at all. It’s quirky as hell and I don’t know if I love it or hate it, also gtZip’s point about the hook. Without the intro, it happens much sooner in the song. We can always use that beginning intro idea later on something that carries the same mood.

I’m going to take the bottom off the padding, try to make it transparent and send the bass a little lower to see if it accents the vocals better. If I go the other way with the padding by adding bottom, I’m worried it will be adding too much mud to an already very wet mix. Although eventually I’ll probably ending up trying both directions to compare. It’s not critical to the song and if it adds a lot of clarity I might just chop it out. The tune has a lot of carry over from the reverb, so the padding may not be necessary. Which works out fine by me, when Scott is playing this one, I can take a smoke break and finish my beer. :)

I’m really hesitant about panning the piano right, since it will bring the bottom closer to the bass and almost over the guitar. But way left may give better separation, since those top keys won’t have any competition with anything that’s already there. Or I could widen the stereo and kill the center, I really like the symmetry having the keys center, but real wide. Scott you way jumped the gun on this man. The version Scott has up is extreme scratch. I haven’t messed much with the percussion, panning, or EQ yet.

RFLMAO Sans, drummer Steve needs to loosen up a bit. The guy is just so reserved you hardly know he’s there, doesn’t talk much either, only when I’m alone. Although it is strange that no one else can hear him. :D

Scott and I will be working on something similar for the main part before the chorus. The chorus will happen at least twice in the song. I agree that it’s definitely the strongest part of the tune, I love the sound of it. Do some punches on the vocal main and refine the percussion. I want to chop off the very end piano and go into a fade out on the reverb vocals/padded piano. It seems more like the logical stopping point to me, but of course that doesn’t make it artistically correct. Scott still likes the very end piano solo, so I’ll mix both versions and we’ll see how each comes across. It’s tough because I have the strong urge to try to keep things status quo and working with Scott, it’s anything but.

I couldn’t picture having any more fun doing this stuff. Thanks again folks. :D

#156563 by Starfish Scott
Wed Oct 26, 2011 3:13 pm
lalong wrote:First a word from our sponsor. So right now I’m working with three different local guitarists/artists and a great on line collaboration site, all of which I met through bandmix. Regardless of how the end product from each will come out, hopefully decent, I couldn’t possibly any more musically active. Tuesdays it Scott’s psychedelic, Wednesdays and Sundays, Ben’s progressive and Fridays alternate rock with Mike. Yeah what a rip off this site is, what the hell am I going to do on Monday, Thursday and Saturday? :D

So we had an excellent session yesterday, productive, laid down a few decent tracks and still had time to jam. Great playing Scott, that was a lot of fun. :)

Some excellent advice folks, thanks for taking the time to give a listen and some thoughtful input. During our session, we discussed the following changes: My next steps will be to chop off the beginning. It sets up the wrong vibe that just gets interrupted by the abrupt change. The only transitions I could think of is if Scott maybe did a climb or dive on the guitar to carry the end of one over into the beginning of the next, or some sort of synth sweep/swell. I’m not optimistic about how that would come out, since they are so different and it would take a lot of effort to get it right, assuming it goes over at all. It’s quirky as hell and I don’t know if I love it or hate it, also gtZip’s point about the hook. Without the intro, it happens much sooner in the song. We can always use that beginning intro idea later on something that carries the same mood.

I’m going to take the bottom off the padding, try to make it transparent and send the bass a little lower to see if it accents the vocals better. If I go the other way with the padding by adding bottom, I’m worried it will be adding too much mud to an already very wet mix. Although eventually I’ll probably ending up trying both directions to compare. It’s not critical to the song and if it adds a lot of clarity I might just chop it out. The tune has a lot of carry over from the reverb, so the padding may not be necessary. Which works out fine by me, when Scott is playing this one, I can take a smoke break and finish my beer. :)

I’m really hesitant about panning the piano right, since it will bring the bottom closer to the bass and almost over the guitar. But way left may give better separation, since those top keys won’t have any competition with anything that’s already there. Or I could widen the stereo and kill the center, I really like the symmetry having the keys center, but real wide. Scott you way jumped the gun on this man. The version Scott has up is extreme scratch. I haven’t messed much with the percussion, panning, or EQ yet.

RFLMAO Sans, drummer Steve needs to loosen up a bit. The guy is just so reserved you hardly know he’s there, doesn’t talk much either, only when I’m alone. Although it is strange that no one else can hear him. :D

Scott and I will be working on something similar for the main part before the chorus. The chorus will happen at least twice in the song. I agree that it’s definitely the strongest part of the tune, I love the sound of it. Do some punches on the vocal main and refine the percussion. I want to chop off the very end piano and go into a fade out on the reverb vocals/padded piano. It seems more like the logical stopping point to me, but of course that doesn’t make it artistically correct. Scott still likes the very end piano solo, so I’ll mix both versions and we’ll see how each comes across. It’s tough because I have the strong urge to try to keep things status quo and working with Scott, it’s anything but.

I couldn’t picture having any more fun doing this stuff. Thanks again folks. :D


Les is too good at this.

He played a version for me last night that is heavy with reverb and delay.
It sounded so good, I still don't really believe it.

The only thing is the extreme reverb/delay mucks up the chorus.

Les said he's going to use the reg chorus in conjunction with the heavy reverb/delay sections and that's what has me salivating thus far.
THAT is the tune as I could know it/understand it.

I am used to little processing/more of a live sound.
This is all taking a bit to get used to..bear with me/us one and all.

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