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#142299 by philbymon
Tue Mar 15, 2011 4:16 pm
Going back to the subject at hand - I notice a certain turn of phrase that makes me ponder.

"The musician I hired."

Look, a band is a collective effort. Just because one person starts it up, doesn't mean that that person runs it all. That may be a part of the problem or not, but it just struck me to comment.

We all have our reasons for wanting to work together in a band. the only way it cna possibly work, is when those needs are met, for each individual. However, when one person's needs take control, at the expense of others, it will fall apart, & sometimes violently.

Whenever possible, in such a tight group situation, I find that it's best to seek out a consensus. When everyone agrees to the material, the material gets played, gets rehearsed, gets presented well. When one person is at odds with the band, there should be a discussion as to what is going on, & a compromise must be met, or someone must leave the unit.

Each member also must be willing to compromise on things, as well. It's becoming more difficult to do that these days, for some reason, but when 3 out of 4 really think a song moevs the audience, the 4th guy has to put his objections aside for the good of all, until it's proven that the song doesn't really work.

Everyone in the unit must have a role to play, as well, that includes more than simply showing up on time & doing the gig. One or two og you may be great at maintenance of the equipment. There may be a sound wizard, or a great salesman that always gets the gigs. Or the grunt guy who hauls & sets up. You should always strive to appreciate the contributions, & never hold one person's in higher esteem over another. The grunt is as important as the salesman, or the songwriter, or the singer.

That's one of the toughest balancing acts you will ever face - personal egos. Ppl often fear they are being taken advantage of, or being taken for granted, & not appreciated. Kind words & encouragement & simple "thank you's" solve more of these inner turmoils than you may ever imagine, even as YOU are the one with the ego problems, who thinks he is being used. You have to set those things aside for the good of all, just as you would in a marriage. There are always times when one guy is gonna have it tougher than the rest, & the rest must pull together to heop when this occurs, to prove that you all think he's worth the extra effort, & to let him know you care.

And when one guy isn't pulling his weight, FIRST you need to find out why, & help if you can, & if he really needs it. If it turns out to be an attitude thing, then he needs to be told, & encouraged to do better, without adding the guilt trips or ultimatums.

It's like this in every area of your life, when dealing with ppl

#142306 by Mike Nobody
Tue Mar 15, 2011 5:19 pm
philbymon wrote:Going back to the subject at hand - I notice a certain turn of phrase that makes me ponder.

"The musician I hired."

Look, a band is a collective effort. Just because one person starts it up, doesn't mean that that person runs it all. That may be a part of the problem or not, but it just struck me to comment.

We all have our reasons for wanting to work together in a band. the only way it cna possibly work, is when those needs are met, for each individual. However, when one person's needs take control, at the expense of others, it will fall apart, & sometimes violently.

Whenever possible, in such a tight group situation, I find that it's best to seek out a consensus. When everyone agrees to the material, the material gets played, gets rehearsed, gets presented well. When one person is at odds with the band, there should be a discussion as to what is going on, & a compromise must be met, or someone must leave the unit.

Each member also must be willing to compromise on things, as well. It's becoming more difficult to do that these days, for some reason, but when 3 out of 4 really think a song moevs the audience, the 4th guy has to put his objections aside for the good of all, until it's proven that the song doesn't really work.

Everyone in the unit must have a role to play, as well, that includes more than simply showing up on time & doing the gig. One or two og you may be great at maintenance of the equipment. There may be a sound wizard, or a great salesman that always gets the gigs. Or the grunt guy who hauls & sets up. You should always strive to appreciate the contributions, & never hold one person's in higher esteem over another. The grunt is as important as the salesman, or the songwriter, or the singer.

That's one of the toughest balancing acts you will ever face - personal egos. Ppl often fear they are being taken advantage of, or being taken for granted, & not appreciated. Kind words & encouragement & simple "thank you's" solve more of these inner turmoils than you may ever imagine, even as YOU are the one with the ego problems, who thinks he is being used. You have to set those things aside for the good of all, just as you would in a marriage. There are always times when one guy is gonna have it tougher than the rest, & the rest must pull together to heop when this occurs, to prove that you all think he's worth the extra effort, & to let him know you care.

And when one guy isn't pulling his weight, FIRST you need to find out why, & help if you can, & if he really needs it. If it turns out to be an attitude thing, then he needs to be told, & encouraged to do better, without adding the guilt trips or ultimatums.

It's like this in every area of your life, when dealing with ppl


Phil, you are generally correct in your comment. But, it has zero to do with our situation. Zero. This isn't a dispute over a song or anything like that. Also, the woman I am dealing with has a history of SERIOUS mental problems AND is friends with the person who attacked me in our old band.

I believe the guy from our former band is spreading bullshit stories about us again. He's done it before. I just can't believe he's STILL doing it after all these years. We left the band and his apartment in 1998! The last time we encountered him, around New Year’s 1999, he said he wanted to “bury the hatchet.” I took him at his word for it.

I am sure it is him because she made references that could only have come from one person, the guy in our old band. So, I actually have a psychodyke and a vindictive two-faced prick to deal with.

If you wonder what I did to set them off that would be a whole other thread I think. Basically, he frequently cheated on his wife, ended up busting on himself in front of her, and blamed ME for it. With psychodyke, I accidentally scratched a piece of equipment, then had a few misunderstandings with her. Long stories.

I said "hired" only because "married" didn't sound right.
#142351 by gtZip
Wed Mar 16, 2011 12:07 am
Mike Nobody wrote:Ever deal with a bandmate or other associate who may seem nice at first but turns out to be BATSHIT F*CKING CRAZY?

I am sure some of you may think that about me. But, although I admittedly have poor person skills - misreading social cues - I haven't physically threatened anybody or tried to sabotage their life. I haven't gone "Fatal Attraction" on anybody either.

This has recently happened to us again. The last time it happened, I was jacked up and thrown through a living room wall. Now somebody is trying to destroy our band, distributing libelous emails to bandmates and other people on our mailing list. WTF?

Image


How do they have access to the mailing list? 'Why' do they have access?
It's best to have one person control all of that. (You)

Sometimes, if the police can't do anything about it, you just have to put the fear of god into someone.

I've had a couple former 'friends' like that, but no band-mates.

#142373 by Alx
Wed Mar 16, 2011 8:48 am
I've been in one situation like that....Smoked lots of dope, singer threw fits all the time. Once he took a clubs wireless mic and threw it in a wall :/
But unless you took money from someone, they be chill :|. Seriously you going through a WALL!!! sounds like something you'd get for shagging someones girlfriend !! Or mother :)
There's always theory too. Just wikipedia something complicated and get the cucu person to explain it to ya. They won't know what you're talking about, than you tell um to come back in a year or 2. Here's a good place to start - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tone_row <- plus if the person is really crazy they won't accept such a 'ridiculous' theory.

#142380 by Krul
Wed Mar 16, 2011 12:39 pm
Looks like Mike needs to change his genre of music in order to keep him safe from those darn rebellious types.

#142387 by Lynard Dylan
Wed Mar 16, 2011 2:58 pm
I've found that carrying a shooter with you tones down the crazies, you know just a shot thru the floor

#142389 by Slacker G
Wed Mar 16, 2011 3:07 pm
Mike,

When he offered to bury the hatchet, did he specify "in your back"? :)

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