Dan72 wrote:So far in every band I've ever played in there is always one person who doesn't do their fair share or drinks too much or just feels that he's too good for everybody, or doesn't give a sh*t either way what happens next. I've wasted countless time and energy on these assholes and I've had it.
The guy I'm dealing with never learns anything(depends on me to show him his parts), never retains anything(forgets what I just showed him), never is in tune, does Not have his own equipment, never took the time to get his SOUND, never contributes unless 1000% beneficial to him, never is without a beer in his hand....
Is there anybody else out there with selfish idiots like this in your band? Please talk to me and let me know I'm not alone in this.
I don't know who posted this rant, but it's priceless! (been there, done that!)
I'm a tone deaf singer, a rhythmless rhythm guitarist, & a tempoless bass player looking for people to talk about music instead of playing it. I like to try to pick up girls from the stage, cuz that's why I got into music in the 1st place, unless, of course, you have a fattie or a double shot or a line for my head, cuz that'll do just as well.
I want to be payed big bucks to show up late & drown out your entire band with my virtuousity as I play out of tune, out of time, & often in the wrong key, while I flip my hairs around & make faces like I'm pouring my guts out on the floor for you. I'll respond to every idea that you put forth by saying "embrace the cheese, man," & then ignore your idea completely.
I'll find the most irritating tone I can find on my instrument, & try to convince you & everyone else that tone doesn't matter as long as it looks good on stage. I use effects on my instrument like a sledge hammer, tweaking the sound until it is completely unrecognizeable as a musical instrument, & then say things like "wow, man...it's so....COSMIC!" as I go off in an entirely different direction from whatever song you're playing, & do my best to eradicate your vocals with my never ending overdriven solos, slipping seamlessly from key to key throughout every song cuz once you get my hands started, heaven only knows where they'll end up...and isn't that too frikken COOL?
I'll ask every bartender where the action is, cuz they know that stuff, don't they? Surely they can tell ya who sells the best mind-altering substances. Rehearsals? you gotta be kidding, man! Keep the sound FRESH, dude! Every break we take, you can find me out in my car "tuning up my head." No, I don't need to remember the damned words...no one listens to the words anyway, so I can just repeat the 1st verse, if I can remember it. Otherwise an unintelligible mumble will do. Oh, by the way...my amp's in hock. Can I borrow yours? Do you have any strings? I just broke one bending the thing 4 full frets at the strangest spot in your song, & I wanna see if I can do it again. Don't worry. Go ahead & set up. I'll be a little late, like maybe an hour. It's all good, dude. My girlfriend wants to sing a song when we take a break, but only after she's had a few to bolster her confidence. She's really good after a few drinks & I wanna encourage her, besides, I might get laid.
I don't need a tuner, man. I got perfect pitch! Just gimme an E, & I'll take it from there at the loudest setting with the overdrive on, while you try to tune or set up your amp. Hey, is it ok if my other band auditions during the break? We need the bucks, man. Dude, my axe has this funny little buzz on the 9th fret. Can you fix it? I just got this effects pedal with like 3 thousand tones, & I'm gonna try 'em ALL out tonight as I trip over the thing & occasionally unplug it with my drunken foot. Can you feel it? At the end of the night you can find me either in my car getting tuned up, or chatting up some drunk, while you break down the equipment. I'll probably get a DUI tonight on my way home, so I may not be there tomorrow night for that show. Hey...got any pot?
When your project isn't working, look for the part that you didn't think was important"