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#15897 by Wildnorthwoodsman
Fri Nov 23, 2007 3:17 pm
Just want some feedback on this one as I am at the end of my rope with a bad situation. The drummer and singer in my band are having a dating relationship. She (the singer) decided to leave the band several months ago for another band (guess they were making better money). Well, that's why I joined Bandmix to begin with. We were seeking a replacement. However, since that time, she has come back, left again and come back several times. I think that if our drummer weren't so emotionally involved, there would be no option for her coming back, but he continues to defend her coming back. Now, I have called in several female singers for auditions and the last one we had did a fantastic job. But apparently, there is no longer a spot available as Yoko Ono is "back" again. I'm frankly ready to pack my bags and leave over this BS. I've made an ass out of myself with these girls who have worked hard to audition only for me to have to tell them nevermind. Any suggestions??

#15898 by jw123
Fri Nov 23, 2007 4:24 pm
Maybe you need a drummer too? It really all depends on the power structure in the band. I guess if you dont have a singer you cant gig can you? So you need a dependable singer number one I would think. Next thing would be stabilizing the emotional atmosphere in the group. I feel for you as Ive been involved with a couple of similar situations over the years and it ussually didnt turn out well.

Good Luck.

#15899 by Groove-in
Fri Nov 23, 2007 4:57 pm
I have fronted my own bands off and on, for years. I have seen this situation before. I must agree with JW 123. Find the best and most dependable lead singer that you can. Tell the drummer that it's been a slice of Heaven having him in the Band. But, with the circumstance the band needs a NEW time keeper. Be nice enough,
. But, firm / unwavering 8) . This Band will be better for it. :D

#15901 by Wildnorthwoodsman
Fri Nov 23, 2007 6:04 pm
I couldn't agree more. The problem is, he also happens to be the leader of the band. To get rid of him would basically mean starting over. He owns the P.A., rehearsal space, and basically started the band many years ago. It is really a good band and a great bunch of people. I'm not ready to let all of that go, but this just plain sucks. I feel like the first major blowup the two lovebirds have, she will bail again. The funny thing is, when the two of them announced to the band that they were dating a few months ago, my first comment was "the band is doomed".

I think I may have been right.

#15904 by Prevost82
Fri Nov 23, 2007 7:22 pm
You were right ... "the Band is Doomed". I have been in a couple of bands that had members involved and they both ended in disaster.... and it sounds like this one is in it's death throws. I won't be involved in a band that is in this situation, that is rule #1. Rule #1a is .. if there is a chick in the band, it's kept on a pro level and if anyone gets involved with her they are gone ... period.
Ron

#15906 by jw123
Fri Nov 23, 2007 7:34 pm
With the drummer being the leader your only choice is to ride the storm out or quit. These days, at least where I am it is harder and harder to get groups together. Maybe its cause I dont have that wide eyed deer in headlights enthusiam that players half my age have.

Maybe things will work out and you could quietly see if there are other playing options in your area.

#15911 by jimmydanger
Fri Nov 23, 2007 9:26 pm
Yep, been there done that with female singers back in the 80's. When they get involved with someone in the band - especially the leader - it throws the balance of power off kilter. If you're a good enough player, quit and form your own thing. If you're not, shut up and play your guitar.

#15918 by Starfish Scott
Sat Nov 24, 2007 12:27 am
What do they say, "give them enough rope and they will hang themselves".

She will screw you people 1 time badly, that's will be when either the whole band folds or she will be out for good.

In the meantime, shop a new situation.

#15928 by Wildnorthwoodsman
Sat Nov 24, 2007 5:17 am
jimmydanger, I think you hit it right on the head...the balance of power is off kilter. He (the drummer) is not thinking clearly anymore in my opinion. He's like a lovesick puppy, and his brain took a vacation to another galaxy apparently...

#15929 by Starfish Scott
Sat Nov 24, 2007 6:48 am
Hey, other galaxies are not a bad thing. A drummer with his head not in game, on the other hand, is bad.

#15945 by Bluesmannepa
Sun Nov 25, 2007 1:05 am
The best, and longest lasting bands, are friends first, and that helps to make the music gel. I've been with the same band since 1979. There have been no ego problems....there was an occasional "relationship" problem, but the fact that we are all best friends, and our playing shows that....eventually outweighed the other side stuff.
If you have the right blend of musicians, the music will win out, you will maintain that brotherhood (and in that term I include the sisters who contribute, and often inspire, a band).
Keep the band together...if the drummer plays your music (and a drummer is not just a time-keeper...a good drummer can bring out the best in the rest of us) then keep him, let the gal come or go....female singers are abundant. Good drummers are not!
Take a drummer and hand him a chord chart with the accents marked...or if you are a horn band, give him the lead trumpet part....if he can follow that, and make the band come together, you don't need the gal!

#15947 by Starfish Scott
Sun Nov 25, 2007 1:56 am
i.e "Bro's before ho's".. lol

#15948 by Shapeshifter
Sun Nov 25, 2007 2:26 am
Remember, when one door closes, another one opens. Hook up with the vocalist that did so well at the audition, and start a new project. I've been in similar situations to this many times, and most of the time, it really is the only option. It's really a question of commitment, anyway: The drummer is the leader of the band, and his priorities are on her. Maybe it's time you stepped up to the leader spot-since it's obvious that your commitment to the music is stronger than the drummer's...[/b]

#15949 by JJW III
Sun Nov 25, 2007 2:31 am
I am yet to see anyone mention the obvious.

Sit them both down and have a talk and explain exactly how you feel about things. Have any other members of the band join you if they feel the same.

As some one stated be firm, and be prepared to take a walk if need be but at least discuss it, get it out there and give it a chance. Then, if no common ground can be reached, and the issue bothers you that strongly pack your stuff and walk.

#15950 by Starfish Scott
Sun Nov 25, 2007 2:56 am
Wegman, I admire you for you for your beliefs in compromise and reconciliation.

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