General Music Chat

I have removed song from play list and from here...I most certainly don't want to offend anybody....

removed this post as well............will keep the critiques...it's important for even a seasoned writer to know when she has failed on a song...I want those to stay so I can learn from my mistakes

OOOOh,
I hate to be reality critical about lyrics to a song butNo one will blame her.

We, as musicians, have a responsability.
People whom listen to our music, especially those whom may be "searching" in their lives, or are emotionaly labile. Would find those lyrics as an excuse for suicide as an acceptable answer to their problems.
Why a permenant solution to a temporary problem?
You of course have the right to write whatever you like.But for what it's worth (not much I know)
As a musician, a nurse, a husband, father, grandfather, and friend (of some who have made that mistake) I do not approve.

Weird, Locally they had a dude do just what you say in your song a week or so ago. He used to come to our shows and always seemed happy to me, not that I knew him that well.

Debbie thats kind of a depressing song.

Debbie, I have to go with Sans on this one. It's an ok song to share with fellow songwriters, but the general public?.....Nah. A bit too brutal for them. No one wants someone to die over love, and no one would blame the girl for the guy's weaknesses. A song about pain and how one deals with it is one thing, but no one likes a quitter. I think you could do a better job. Think about this for a scenario. The guy is a typical guy who has had feelings for a girl since school, but she goes for another guy, the BMOC. So the first guy, no matter who he dates, can't let go of his feelings for her. But the BMOC doesn't acknowledge her and marries the homecoming queen or something, so the girl is crushed and settles for the first guy, but her heart isn't in it and when he tries to show her true love, she dismisses it with, "Not tonight, dear, I have a heartache." He keeps trying, but over the years, it finally gets to him and he quits trying. It is then that she sees how good he has been to her and she has a change of heart, but it's too late and he tells her, "Not tonight, dear, I have a heartache."
Maybe not that exact scenario, but along those lines. Most people have at one time or another in their lives, experienced something like that, whether we're talking love, or jobs, or even the perfect band. Waiting for that one special thing so much that we let other opportunities pass us by, and then when that one special thing finally happens and then it falls through, we kick ourselves in the butt for all the other things we let pass.
Just some thoughts. If I could write as well as you, I'd already have written it, but I don't do well with love songs.

Damn Rat that sounds like my marriage. You guys are killing me today, and I was feeling pretty good today. I cut my grass yesterday, went swimming cooked out and had tequilla w a friend and now all this depressing stuff. The joints my band plays in are all honky tonks, the kinds with Patsy and Waylon on the jukeboxes, cry in your beer all nite long places. I or my band trys to inject some upbeat positive stuff into our music.

Im rambling now, you guys have a good day.

Deb lighten up.

Oh, and by the way, the music fits what I was thinking. Perfect chord changes and all for the song. Keep the music, work on the lyrics. I hear it with the acoustic guitar and vocals only, on the first verse. Then the whole band comes in a little on the second verse and then full on with the chorus for the rest of the song, until the last chorus which goes back to acoustic guitar and vocals. Maybe even after that, a short pause and then the full band doing a pretty instrumental with lead solo and ending with the catch phrase.

Ok...I've removed the song from my play list....I knew it was a brutal song and a lot of people wouldn't like it....it was lyrical...had a twist...just too much of a twist.

It wasn't a song I was writing from personal feelings...I was just putting words on paper...

Did you like any part of the lyrics? Was it just the last line that made is sink?

What if the last line he reaches under the seat for his cell phone...and askes to come home?.......what if I gave the song a happy ending...would it work? If the sign across the street gave him hope...? or was the whole song, in general, far too depressing. The title deems it to be a sad song...but, I can twist it to make it happy in the end.....

OOOOh,
I hate to be reality critical about lyrics to a song butNo one will blame her.

We, as musicians, have a responsability.
People whom listen to our music, especially those whom may be "searching" in their lives, or are emotionaly labile. Would find those lyrics as an excuse for suicide as an acceptable answer to their problems.
Why a permenant solution to a temporary problem?
You of course have the right to write whatever you like.But for what it's worth (not much I know)
As a musician, a nurse, a husband, father, grandfather, and friend (of some who have made that mistake) I do not approve.

I understand completely. I have removed the lyrics...and the song from my play list...I went over the top lyrically...and yes, we do, as musicians, are liable for what we right....I see your point completely. Thank you for the critique....the burn will bo away in an hour or so.......

Weird, Locally they had a dude do just what you say in your song a week or so ago. He used to come to our shows and always seemed happy to me, not that I knew him that well.

Debbie thats kind of a depressing song.

Yeah...too depressing...I want to rewrite it...with a better twist at the end...a happy ending.

Debbie, I have to go with Sans on this one. It's an ok song to share with fellow songwriters, but the general public?.....Nah. A bit too brutal for them. No one wants someone to die over love, and no one would blame the girl for the guy's weaknesses. A song about pain and how one deals with it is one thing, but no one likes a quitter. I think you could do a better job. Think about this for a scenario. The guy is a typical guy who has had feelings for a girl since school, but she goes for another guy, the BMOC. So the first guy, no matter who he dates, can't let go of his feelings for her. But the BMOC doesn't acknowledge her and marries the homecoming queen or something, so the girl is crushed and settles for the first guy, but her heart isn't in it and when he tries to show her true love, she dismisses it with, "Not tonight, dear, I have a heartache." He keeps trying, but over the years, it finally gets to him and he quits trying. It is then that she sees how good he has been to her and she has a change of heart, but it's too late and he tells her, "Not tonight, dear, I have a heartache."
Maybe not that exact scenario, but along those lines. Most people have at one time or another in their lives, experienced something like that, whether we're talking love, or jobs, or even the perfect band. Waiting for that one special thing so much that we let other opportunities pass us by, and then when that one special thing finally happens and then it falls through, we kick ourselves in the butt for all the other things we let pass.
Just some thoughts. If I could write as well as you, I'd already have written it, but I don't do well with love songs.

ok...I will work on that for you....sorry dude...really...I was just putting words together...I'll improve it...so it is general public friendly.

Oh, and by the way, the music fits what I was thinking. Perfect chord changes and all for the song. Keep the music, work on the lyrics. I hear it with the acoustic guitar and vocals only, on the first verse. Then the whole band comes in a little on the second verse and then full on with the chorus for the rest of the song, until the last chorus which goes back to acoustic guitar and vocals. Maybe even after that, a short pause and then the full band doing a pretty instrumental with lead solo and ending with the catch phrase.

ok...gottcha

Debbie, I have to go with Sans on this one. It's an ok song to share with fellow songwriters, but the general public?.....Nah. A bit too brutal for them. No one wants someone to die over love, and no one would blame the girl for the guy's weaknesses. A song about pain and how one deals with it is one thing, but no one likes a quitter.

ok...I will work on that for you....sorry dude...really...I was just putting words together...I'll improve it...so it is general public friendly.

I'm going against the grain on this one-

I think every concept, no matter how brutal or socially unacceptable, can and should be voiced. I also believe in self-containment, so yah.. everyone shouldn't write about cop killing and suicide solutions, but at the same time, no-one writing about it is just as bad..

So once in a while, whether the public can deal with it or not, these things have to be done.

But then again, if someone kills themselves over a song I wrote, I wouldn't feel guilty, as the person was clearly suicidal to begin with.. a freekin walk in the park can be the trigger for all we know...

So anyways, that's a different argument for a different thread I guess, but I don't see any song that's "too brutal" for the public, especially considering movies like Hostel, Hills have Eyes, etc.. are selling horrific violence beyond any song I've ever heard, and it's selling like hot cakes...

I was not offended, my skin is much thicker than that.
I liked the lyrics. It is, as best I can tell without the supporting music, a viable story line. I simply feel it is irresponsable for musicians or anyone for that matter, to appear to lend credence to a social idea that suicide, or any other form of unjustifiable violence is acceptable.
And to make a profit off of it, well that is just heaping coals on your head.
Of course thats just my opinion.
Suicide, is particularly distastefull for me because of my religious belief and loss of loved one's. Totally unnecessaily.

I was not offended, my skin is much thicker than that.
I liked the lyrics. It is, as best I can tell without the supporting music, a viable story line. I simply feel it is irresponsable for musicians or anyone for that matter, to appear to lend credence to a social idea that suicide, or any other form of unjustifiable violence is acceptable.
And to make a profit off of it, well that is just heaping coals on your head.
Of course thats just my opinion.
Suicide, is particularly distastefull for me because of my religious belief and loss of loved one's. Totally unnecessaily.

I very much respect your thoughts on this...and I do agree, sometimes all it takes is that one little push to get somebody to do something they might not have done if they hadn't had the idea planted in their head and then heard a song that glorified it. I'm a bit ashamed of how I ended that song, and I know it isn't "radio friendly" as it stands. One song that comes to mind that got lots and lots of airplay on the country circuit was that Brad Paisly and Allican Kraus song...it was about suicide...and I remember thinking about the lyrics in that song...how it rather rubbed me the wrong way.

Whether musicans believe it or not, the lyrics and music they put out there does make an impact on people's lives. An example of which is some rap songs that glorify cop killing, gang killing, etc...it motivates people to do things they wouldn't normally do..but if somebody famous sings a song that says it's ok...that will and can influence the behavior of people.

I don't want to be known as somebody who condones suicide or be the person responsible that gave somebody that one little push off the edge that caused them to make that type of choice. That is not who I am....

I can take this song....and turn it into something positive...a man on the edge...who finds something to hold on to until the light of a new day.