General Music Chat

Recently I've been trying to write some lyrics, and writing has never really been my thing. I get the idea of what I want in my head, but I have trouble translating it into words.

But I spent a lot of time on these two songs, and I want some input. And remember, they're lyrics for death metal, so they don't need to rhyme, lol...

Misplaced Lies:

Surrender the institute
Under the blood from the delicacies of which
You behold

My son I shall not go
For you are no more deserving
Than the thorn in my heart

Lies seething through the window
Peer into the glass like
The withered rose on the table

Kissing these lips with such poison
Feeling this lust upon my rotting corpse
Look away from these eyes
Before they darken your skies

Hell shall prevail

Telling these lies
Making the nation see its truth
Behind whats kept inside
My words curse those who devise
Against the waiting blade to take their pride.



The Solitude of a Crowded World

The concept of morals has faded from us, thought of as weakness, we traded them for our desires
The day we captured the light is but a glimmer
For now we have sold our soul for popularity and power

Saved is the new sinner
Pleading on the foot steps of mediocrity hoping to gain the strength promised

Success on ruining your life, giving up the living water, you drink what has no life
A three fold cord only breaks when cut
I turn back to where I came, I miss the light,

Gaining morals, a meaning, strength,
And I’m giving it all to you.
This is my prayer

What kind of input?

I would say... have them make sense.

The following is all under the banner of 'IN MY OPINION':

You dont need to write the words in the fashion that is 'death metal'. I mean, sure, you can mix some of that in if thats what kids are expecting, but I wouldnt try to mimic it, unless you're just using it as a template in order to get used to writing lyrics.

If you are going to use that sort of language... you know, higher vocabulary type stuff, Id say get a thesarus and a rhyme dictionary.
(Or just break out MS Word).

Dont like the first one. Doesnt make sense to me. Or tell a story. Or paint a picture.

The second one is alright. Shorter but says more. Not bad for the type of music you are aiming at.

But... ya know... lyrics are funny. They can read fairly blandly or even sound gay as hell without the melody and music present.
I applaud you for putting it out there.

hmm, to me they make a lot of sense

lol WTF is going on in here?

Ryan
I really like the second one. These lyrics in many ways reflect a feeling of my own that I have been searching for the words to express.
Good job!
The first well, I'll have to admit I cant here the story either. Perhaps while beingsung with the right music it would translate better.

I agree with GT. They sound like you're trying too hard to get the point across. Themes seem to revolve around darkness, but it's too cheesy. (And trust me, I like dark lyrics).
The second one sounds like a speech, not a "death metal" song. Keep writing and don't try too hard.