General Music Chat

I have a million songs in my head, but there’s one in particular that I need your help write. It's about an issue that has been tugging at me for a while.......before I get to the song. I need to give you some background on me...........

Currently, I work in Healthcare as a Medical Sales Representative for a Home Infusion Company in Philadelphia. Prior to Sales, I was a Social Worker in Atlantic City. Homelessness has always bothered me. I can’t understand the concept of why there are so many homeless people in this great country of ours. In Philadelphia , I see a disturbing increase in the number of homeless people on street corners begging for food ....some are young in their 20's and 30's but many of them are elderly.....They seem to be stuck, lost and do this endless vigil day after day I call "The walk".
I want to write their story and I need your help to finish it.......
I’m putting what I have written so far out there ......(It’s attached)….
Lets get done and out there.......

Thank you,
Amadeus Blues............................


Here are the lyrics I have written so far....................................


"The Walk".....started by Amadeus Blues




Cardboard signs , scribbled with desperation
Many stair blindly
Pretending they don’t see

Faces weathered, clothes tethered
lost souls
hanging on by a string

Their doing the walk
doing the walk
doing the walk...( you see them out there)

Their doing the walk
doing the walk
doing the walk......

----------
job gone ,in political move
home gone
no where to move

no place to run, no place to go
can’t understand
why ...

Their doing the walk
doing the walk
doing the walk...

Their doing the walk
doing the walk
doing the walk.....


don’t look, cause you’re afraid
try to avoid what’s in the way
can’t accept reality
you might be next to join the streets…

doing the walk
doing the walk
doing the walk...

Their doing the walk
doing the walk
doing the walk.....


(This is where I stopped)

The rest is up to you...

Good Luck,
Amadeus Blues……

'Stair' - you climb stairs to get from one level to another. Eyes 'stare'.

What kind of experience do you have writing lyrics/songs? If you're a lyric writer only (no instrument or vocal experience), it can be tough for a music wirter to put music to lyrics that don't have a consistent lyrical rhythm from one verse to the next.

In your second verse, you end two lines with 'move', not a good technique.

Your verses are written in 3rd person (he/she/them), but the bridge is written in 2nd person (you) - this can be confusing to a listener, as its unclear who is being addressed. This bridge might be better to be done in 1st person (we).

Thanks for the feedback........I will definitely make some changes...right now I'm just throwing some ideas on the canvas.............

unless I missed something, we would need to know the time signature, and do you want a normal 1/4/5 pattern for chord structure? C-F-G7 ? kinda thing, or can we go out on the edge and really get jiggy with it?

Amadeus

Thanks for the feedback........I will definitely make some changes...right now I'm just throwing some ideas on the canvas.............

I worked on this 15 minutes and come up with this it took longer to find the mic chord and transpose your lyrics onto printer paper to see them with the mixer board covering the puter screen, real rough, but a start, and is nothing but a sketch, as soon as the mp3 is uploaded (I'm on dial-up) I will post a link and see if it is salvageable? k?

see if you like this enough as a starting point Amadeus.. a charitable act on my part, since I too am a veteran

http://yourlisten.com/PieTime/doing-the ... s-lyricist

hey Amadeus, I am gonna refine this hooky thing I created with your lyrics, got it on file at yourlisten.com and it is incomplete, but I see a hook there guy.. we need keyboards, bass, percussion, and 2nd guitar parts, and need another verse of lyrics.. get crackin' brutha!