General Music Chat

Hey guys, I'm a new poster. I'm mostly into metal but like other stuff. I have a lot of band shirts that I wear a lot but recently I have this one friend who doesn't like music and he's been telling me that it's lame to wear metal shirts and he's always laughing at my shirts when we hang out.
He calls the shirts stupid and lame, says the band names are stupid, and says the music sucks.

He wears plain shirts all the time and I asked him "Why don't you ever wear shirts with stuff you like on them? Why do you always wear plain shirts?" and he got mad and screamed "Nobody needs to know what I like! It's none of their business! It's my business!"

I wear shirts like Opeth, At The Gates, Death, Exodus, Testament, Slayer, Dark Tranquillity, Darkthrone, Amon Amarth, Dies Irae, etc etc and he says these bands are all lame with stupid names and that metal sucks.

I never met anyone like this until I met him recently. Usually, I get commented on my shirts by other people. What's this person's deal? How can someone hate music this much? Curious to hear what you guys think.

It sounds like he has no personality worth showing. Shouldn't let the gutless decide your fashion statement!



So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. - Jesus

This guy is trying to tell you that he's a lousy friend, if not absolutely toxic. Time to move on. He'll burn you eventually. Steal your girl. Your cash. Your possessions. Commit a crime and make you the fall guy. It's coming. Take my word for it.
Forget his opinions on anything. He's already shown himself to be a cardboard cutout of a soulless automaton, with his stupid stance on your metal shirts. Metal shirts kick ass. I'm 41 and I'm wearing one that my friend from Norway sent me. He's wearing one I sent him. That's the cool thing about the internet age. Get on some metal forums and make some friends who share your interests and passions.
If you're going to keep this jerk as a friend, at least tell him that his opinions don't matter to you. Don't tell him they bothered you, because you would be giving him what he wants. Sounds like a bully. Only solution for a bully is to stand up to them, with some recruited muscle, if need be.
Good luck. Welcome to the blandmix forum!

Wow, Velveeta® Velbertian! Take it to the extreme, why don't you! Any knuckle head who tells you that your shirt sucks or your taste in music sucks, etc is just trying to let you know they want to be alone. Forever. F 'em!

It sounds like he's incredibly insecure, and feeling really powerless in his life. I don't think it's just the music; I think he'd do this about a whole number of things. Blind, virulent outbursts like his usually point to other underlying sh*t going on.

I'm betting he's constantly trashing the shirts to try and feel a bit better about himself. When someone puts others down, it necessarily implies that they're above the people they're trashing. When he trashes your shirt, he's making himself seem better than you (in his eyes). What does it feel like to be above/better than people? Powerful. Or at least, not (as) powerless. The feeling is a quick hit, to hide how powerless he actually feels for a while. It's the same thing you see any stereotypical cliquey high school girl doing in the movies. But it's unstable as hell, because it's tied to every other person, their thoughts, actions, and opinions. One wrong move by them, and the whole thing comes crashing down (think that moment in the movies when someone stands up to the cliquey girl and she runs out in tears).

As to why he wouldn't want to wear expressive shirts, there could be a whole host of reasons. Maybe he thinks others will criticize his style or his personality (which, again, would likely lead to him feeling powerless).

I'm usually weary of people who feel that powerless, having been one myself for a while. If this isn't an isolated incident, but rather you see it as a pervasive attitude of his, it's most likely that nothing in your friendship will be about genuine connection. For him, it'll all be about moving away from feeling powerless. Which means that, like schmedidiah said, he'll throw you under the bus to prop up his sense of power. If stealing your girl would give him a greater long-term hit than having you around to sh*t on your shirts, he'll throw your friendship away for it.

Even if he genuinely doesn't want to use you, it'll still happen. So long as his sense of power depends on you, you'll first and foremost be a tool to him (even if he doesn't want you to be/doesn't realize it). So long as his sense of power depends on people in general, he'll never be able to have an actual friend. Everybody will be pawns that he has to manipulate in order to not feel horrible about himself.

Whatever you do, don't take my word for it. See if what I said makes sense, and if the shoe fits him. You could test him by not wearing the shirts around him for a while and seeing how he responds. If he seems slightly irritated that you stopped, finds something new to nag about, or keeps going on and on about the shirts, then he's looking for that same feeling of being "better" than you.

I hope everything works out!

I agree with your friend's opinion regarding metal band's music, band names, and t-shirts.
But recognizing that it is only my opinion, I would not try to make others dress according to my tastes.

Maybe your friend has control issues, or maybe is just embarrassed to be seen with someone wearing their adolescent fantasies on their t-shirt.

My dislike of metal and metal band t-shirts does not mean that I do not like music ... it just means that I do not like metal music.

I have experienced many conversations where a person rattles off a list of their favorite (typically classic rock. punk, and metal) bands and then asks which of them I like ... when I honestly say "none of them" .. they declare that I must hate music!

We talked about music before. He said he hates music in general. He says that music is a waste of time and it's pointless to go to shows just to watch other people play music. When my friends and I talk about going to shows, he jumps in and says stuff like, "Wasting your money watching shitty bands play shitty music?" or "No band deserves my hard earned money."

There's a few songs he says he likes that are played on the radio but he mostly disses everything. He said The Who sucks because Pete Townshend touches little boys. He said Led Zeppelin sucks because Robert Plant just screams mindlessly for 10 mins during live performances of songs. He makes fun of people who like Led Zeppelin by saying stuff like, "People think they're so great and innovative. All they did was take drugs and people think they're so great. People are so stupid. They act like bands change the world when all they do is play music. It's not even a real job contributing to society." He basically has a comment as to why every song he hears sucks.

He's one friend in our circle of friends. The rest of us love music and going to shows but for some reason, he hates it.

It sounds like he's incredibly insecure, and feeling really powerless in his life. I don't think it's just the music; I think he'd do this about a whole number of things. Blind, virulent outbursts like his usually point to other underlying sh*t going on.

I'm betting he's constantly trashing the shirts to try and feel a bit better about himself. When someone puts others down, it necessarily implies that they're above the people they're trashing. When he trashes your shirt, he's making himself seem better than you (in his eyes). What does it feel like to be above/better than people? Powerful. Or at least, not (as) powerless. The feeling is a quick hit, to hide how powerless he actually feels for a while. It's the same thing you see any stereotypical cliquey high school girl doing in the movies. But it's unstable as hell, because it's tied to every other person, their thoughts, actions, and opinions. One wrong move by them, and the whole thing comes crashing down (think that moment in the movies when someone stands up to the cliquey girl and she runs out in tears).

As to why he wouldn't want to wear expressive shirts, there could be a whole host of reasons. Maybe he thinks others will criticize his style or his personality (which, again, would likely lead to him feeling powerless).

I'm usually weary of people who feel that powerless, having been one myself for a while. If this isn't an isolated incident, but rather you see it as a pervasive attitude of his, it's most likely that nothing in your friendship will be about genuine connection. For him, it'll all be about moving away from feeling powerless. Which means that, like schmedidiah said, he'll throw you under the bus to prop up his sense of power. If stealing your girl would give him a greater long-term hit than having you around to sh*t on your shirts, he'll throw your friendship away for it.

Even if he genuinely doesn't want to use you, it'll still happen. So long as his sense of power depends on you, you'll first and foremost be a tool to him (even if he doesn't want you to be/doesn't realize it). So long as his sense of power depends on people in general, he'll never be able to have an actual friend. Everybody will be pawns that he has to manipulate in order to not feel horrible about himself.

Whatever you do, don't take my word for it. See if what I said makes sense, and if the shoe fits him. You could test him by not wearing the shirts around him for a while and seeing how he responds. If he seems slightly irritated that you stopped, finds something new to nag about, or keeps going on and on about the shirts, then he's looking for that same feeling of being "better" than you.

I hope everything works out!

He's into video games.

We were browsing the mall one day and I saw a Legend of Zelda shirt, and he loves Legend of Zelda. I said to him, "This looks like a shirt for you. You like Zelda." He looked at the shirt and just fired back "Nobody needs to know what video games I like.! It's none of their business. It's my business."

He usually just wears shirts that are one solid plain color, or button down flannel type shirts. He never wears anything that shows anything he likes.

A friend who "doesn't like music"? Are there such people out there? Dump him!

He sounds very insightful. The music industry does suck, metal bands are funny and rock & roll has been dead for a while.

On second thought, I agree with Jimmy (Farley's) and Vinny.


If wearing that shirt might offend someone to become violent, then take it off and go hide in the closet, never to exit. However, if it offends someone that would never become violent, shove it in their face and yell "Booyah!"

Doesn't like Zep? That's disqualifies any opinion he may have on anything else because it shows his bias for lameness. Besides....the reason to hate Zeppelin is that they ripped off a lot of blues writers. The reason to love them is that they made all those blues writers famous.

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we've fallen into a shirt color scheme at my truckstop gig. white shirt on fridays...black on saturdays.

it's strictly voluntary...no one is fined for breaking the 'dress code' and offenders don't have to remain on stage during breaks to perform a solo medley of "Mustang Sally", "Proud Mary", "Johnny B Goode", and "Gimme Three Steps".

I'll often wear one of my "jazz shirts" as i have a few black tee's like that. "Jazz...It Ain't Just A Four Letter Word", "Life Is Like Jazz...Best When You Improvise", "Jazz...My Kind Of Music". you get the idea. now keep in mind this a country gig at a "saloon". at first i suspected it was just a matter of time before some yahoo gave me $hit about it but no one's ever been bugged enough to say anything.

below is a shirt i've worn on white night. best part is my mom bought this for me! we were eating at Ben's, a jewish deli in NYC and while paying the bill at the register i noticed the shirt on display. i told my mom i was gonna have to buy it and she said...."HELL NO! I'M BUYING IT FOR YOU!"