General Music Chat

I guess this thread makes it sound like me and my wife are having some huge issues, but thats really not the case its just this one gal that keeps popping up.

Thanks for everyones insight, I havent ever seen a thread on here discuss this sort of thing, but for any weekend warrior giggin musician like myself, that has a wife or serious GF Im sure that these things pop up over time.
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JW, the one thing to remember in all of this is that this is NOT your problem!

You're a stand-up guy. You're not cheating on your wife. This is HER issue. It's HER insecurity. It's HER jealousy.

Do NOT sacrifice fans for this! Don't do it! You will regret it!

The proper way to handle this is to have a conversation with BOTH the husband and the wife TOGETHER. You and them, the three of you together.

BE HONEST.

Let BOTH of them know how your wife feels. Let them know that she's threatened by the woman, jealous and insecure, and you just need this lady to keep more distance. You don't want to lose them as fans, you respect how much they love your band, and that this causes strife within your marriage. I think if you tell both of them together then they will see this has nothing to do with you, nothing to do with them, and it's your wife's insecurity that is causing this. They will respect you for being honest, and I am sure they will take steps to maintain safe distance, yet continue to show up for shows and support your band.

Don't be false; don't play a card. Just be honest. It's the best path to resolving this issue.

Chris one thing Ive learned after going thru a vicious divorce and getting remarried, if its bugging your spouse it is your problem.

Ive got a pretty clear head on how to tackle this with the least damage unless the couple gets totally offended, if that happens it sucks, I may have lost a couple of fans and friends, but at least I know I will have some one at home to wash my britches!

Chris another thing that I have learned is that its best to never publiclly tell someone that your spouse or significant other is wrong.

But thanks for advice, I do appreciate it.

My wife supports my endeavors into music and wants to go to our shows. I'm a very reserved guy with a "go F*** yourself" expression on my face around 70% of the time. Most the girls that are interested in me make no effort for fear of being told off *loudly*, I am told.

She is not worried about other girls, and I am not looking for other girls.

Guess I'm about the most boring person on this forum since I never seem to have the problems you guys have. What's it like to be human and not a friggin robot?

Chris another thing that I have learned is that its best to never publiclly tell someone that your spouse or significant other is wrong.

But thanks for advice, I do appreciate it.

JW That is precisely correct.. I learned that the hard way...(man I still cringe...)

Now my motto for spouses, girlfriends...is "I don't care how wrong you actually are in public, I'll stand by you as though you were the oracle of righteous...But ...when we get home...we'll be having a chat..." Like wise, I tell them that I expect to be treated the same way.

Air you may have a point, Im too accessable, while the other guys are in the parking lot, doing whatever they are doing out there, Im inside promoting my band, maybe I should start frowning at everyone, sitting in a chair when I play, or turning around backwards, that would solve the problem, LOL!

I hope after youve played a couple of thousand shows you cant still say that your gal doesnt have any issues, but some of us arent that lucky.

Like I said earlier, thou this isnt a musical thread, it is very closely related.

Any of you guys who havent ever gigged and get your band started, and then get that great gig, and maybe have a gal or two get a little close, should really read into this thread, Ive been in many start up bands where one members significant other made a person quit, they would ask me, I cant let her make me quit this band we've been working too long and hard to pack it in now. I would always say, I guess you have a choice play a few gigs a year for us with peanuts, and learn to for the most part sleep alone, or proceed and see how you like it a few monthes from now.

Music is not only hard on us as the musicians, but it can really work on relationships outside of the band also, I think the key in the end is to keep a balance going somehow. Of course after guys have read thru this, you can see I havent totally figured it out yet, but Im trying.

Well at first my Wife was a believer and encouraged my efforts. Of course after starting to doubt us, it is only natural that she would also doubt my abilities. Music has been the only constant in my life and truly the only thing that actually weathered, for better or worse.

In fact, it has now become not how I may deal with significant others and their distractions, just that they have to deal with my musical obsession. And that is simply non-negotiable.