Is THIS how the year is supposed to start? I woke up sounding like a wheezing toad impersonating Wolfman Jack as I was floppin’ & bouncing’ around from room to room rasping out sentences like, “Where’s my pants?” & “Why do I sound like a frog?” & “What year is it?” & “Who’s president?” All of which was followed by much piggish grunting, unspellable syllables, & a long flow of words unsuitable for the gentlemen who read this, as I stepped on a few tiny toys in my sock-shod feets.
Now, see, in the old days, I used to be that upwardly attituded guy who would follow up such things with cheery little phrases like, “Yeah! Let’s get all that bad stuff outta the way on the first day!”
I’m not gonna be like that anymore. I’ve resolved to be a realist, this year, & I knew, even back then, that bad sh*t bodes more bad sh*t.
A hangover is a shitty way to start off ANY new endeavor, innit? ESPECIALLY a wine hangover! Why would anyone subject themselves to THIS, on the very 1st day of a year they hope & pray will be better than that piece o’ crap we just got over?
Which brings me to the point of it all - MY NEW YEARS’ RESTITUTIONS…er…RESOLUTIONS (The restitutions will be in separate e-mails, phone calls, & PM’s…)
My top 10 resolutions:
10.) To be more of a realist, tempered with a healthy dose of pragmatism
9. ) To never again tolerate substandard toilet paper in my house
8. ) To become less of me, since there has grown to be so much of me, over the years
7. ) I will learn to make the perfect pie crust
6. ) To read less, to watch less, & to do more
5. ) Yeah…that job thing
4. ) To use more safety pins
3. ) To be a little less concerned about the repercussions
2. ) To be a lot more open to all the possibilities
1. ) To do my best to keep my new-found pragmatic realism to myself, so as not to offend others.
Oh yeah - I almost forgot where I was for a sec - I NEED TO PRACTICE & PLAY MORE MUSIC!!!!!!!!
Now, see, in the old days, I used to be that upwardly attituded guy who would follow up such things with cheery little phrases like, “Yeah! Let’s get all that bad stuff outta the way on the first day!”
I’m not gonna be like that anymore. I’ve resolved to be a realist, this year, & I knew, even back then, that bad sh*t bodes more bad sh*t.
A hangover is a shitty way to start off ANY new endeavor, innit? ESPECIALLY a wine hangover! Why would anyone subject themselves to THIS, on the very 1st day of a year they hope & pray will be better than that piece o’ crap we just got over?
Which brings me to the point of it all - MY NEW YEARS’ RESTITUTIONS…er…RESOLUTIONS (The restitutions will be in separate e-mails, phone calls, & PM’s…)
My top 10 resolutions:
10.) To be more of a realist, tempered with a healthy dose of pragmatism
9. ) To never again tolerate substandard toilet paper in my house
8. ) To become less of me, since there has grown to be so much of me, over the years
7. ) I will learn to make the perfect pie crust
6. ) To read less, to watch less, & to do more
5. ) Yeah…that job thing
4. ) To use more safety pins
3. ) To be a little less concerned about the repercussions
2. ) To be a lot more open to all the possibilities
1. ) To do my best to keep my new-found pragmatic realism to myself, so as not to offend others.
Oh yeah - I almost forgot where I was for a sec - I NEED TO PRACTICE & PLAY MORE MUSIC!!!!!!!!
SMILE - it's the safest way to spread your cheeks!
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