Music Industry Discussion

I'm the guitarist in an all girl band called La For Another and am in desperate need of advice. Most of the problems are between me and my drummer. We met through a flier and formed the band about a year ago. and everything was fine for a while then we started to have some problems. She and I have really different taste in music which I find very odd. I'm pretty much into ANY kind of rock (metal, indie, pop punk, punk) but my drummer is very picky. The only band we have in common is Green Day. She is really into riot girl music which I CAN'T STAND! And I thought my taste was pretty flexible, but she just wants to be a riot girl band, and I refuse.
It's also pretty annoying because I write all of the songs and it is very irritating to work your ass off on a song for like 2 weeks and have your band member say "ew" to it (which is all she says). But I kinda feel like she has no right to be so critical. I mean she is a great drummer, but I've been studying music for 13 years and can play 5 instruments. She, however, doesn't even know what quarter notes are. She gets angry when I show up with a new song and says she want to write one. But all she does is give me lyrics (which suck) and tells me to write a guitar part to them. But I can't do it because I always write the guitar part first.
Another thing she is doing is this obsession she has with how we look on stage. At our shows, I wear a t-shirt and jeans, I don't stress over it too much. She, however, wears this short backless dress that I personally thinks looks rediculous at a punk venue. She actually looks slutty. I try to have a good head and just think "As long as I'm not wearing it," and tolerate her decisions, but lately she actually gets on my about what I wear and says "We're never going to get famous if you don't start dressing cute." But I think I dress fine! There's no talking to this girl.
The second person that is giving me some concern is my singer. She lives about an hour away from us and when she asked to join we asked her if she would be okay with comming to practice and stuff and she said "She would do anything." Well, she works full time at a pet store because she dropped out of college. She works from like 2-9pm or something. Because we have so many shoes comming up, I asked her if she would be willing to change her hours in the mornings so we could practice more than 2 days a week. She got pissed and said no because she doesn't feel like getting up at 9am. I'm sorry, but that's just lazy in my opinion.
And the last thing with my singer is that she is VERY overweight and I was wondering if that would effect us. I know I'm going to hell for talking like this but she's not like queen latifa overweight where she is heavy and classy at the same time, she's like trashy. I don't know I just need someone's opinion on this.
Okay, to sum up.
1. My drummer's strange music taste
2. My drummer's urge to control what I wear
3. My singer's schedule
4. My singer's weight

Also, keep in mind that my drummer is 20 and my singer is 21 while I am 18. They have a lot less respect for me becasue of my age.
listen to us at www.myspace.com/laforanother

Sounds to me that maybe none of you know how to respect others or your self.
Cry me a bridge and get over it.
Move on, play what you like and like what you play. or just shut up and be someones doormat. Not trying to be mean. Its such a simple thing.
If your not compatable you are not a band.

Drummers are a dime a dozen. Good drummers are rare.

If she's isn't going to like what you play and vicea versa, your band is going into the dumper. Many bands break up for far less.

Riot girl band? bwahahahaaaaa ah sorry, couldn't help myself.

The heavy set girl that sings? (shrugs) If she can sing and she goes in the vein you want, I say keep her. Easy to make a fat girl thin, but a stupid riot girl can only be killed and buried..lol And if she doesn't know what a quarter note is, I would def. get rid of it.

How do you even get through a triplet situation? Hum her the syncopation>?

Lazy? I don't know. I don't think any lazy bands ever made it, ever.

Sounds like a big puddle. I say, meet up and talk bout those issues openly. Someone is gonna have to step down. She doesn't sound co-operative though. When attitudes clash, the band goes downhill. It's true.

I heard some stuff from the link. Good stuff. This may sound kinda corny, but the music kinda reflects what's going on. Everyone seems like they're playing/singing a different song.

Laziness. Well, if you (the four of you) are serious bout this, you would find the time, place, and effort to get-r-dun.

Best of luck.

I've been in bands for over 25 years. I've dealt with more problems than I care to remember. I've never had a woman in any band I've been in. Not that there's any differences between men and women, but it sounds like you've got some emotional issues that I never have to deal with. I would personally get rid of your drummer pronto. That's the one band position that has to be SOLID. Your drummer HAS to drive the band. That's the one person who has to be like the Rock of Gibraltar. The "problem" with your lead singer is only a problem of image (I'm assuming she sings well). Unfortuneately our image driven society doesn't give overweight women much of a chance to star in any band situation. Since the advent of MTV and music videos I can't think of a single superstar female musician who was seriously overweight. Mama Cass would not make it in the music business today. You're going to have to accept your lead singer's weight "problem" and keep her singing. Are you more interested in image or musical substance? If you fire her than it certainly smacks of weight discrimination. I'd much rather have a good singer who's overweight than a ravishing beauty who can't sing to save her life. As far as your singer's schedule maybe you need to be flexible. How about adjusting YOUR schedule if that's possible? As far as your "dress code" have you toyed with the idea of coming up with a way each of you could dress to make everyone happy? Perhaps some sort of uniformity if that's possible. In all the years I've been in bands I've never heard anyone complain about any band member's clothing. Complaining about the way you dress might be a "girl" thing (oh I forgot there's no difference between men and women). Later...

Either you'll hafta find ppl that you are in complete agreement with, or you'll hafta make compromises.

Can you live with that, is the 1st question.

Can the ppl you're working with, is the 2nd.

If these issues aren't fixed, then you need to find others to play with, or you'll never be happy with what you have.

If you want to write all the music, then hire yourself some guns. That may be the only way for you to go.

From the way you've presented things, I'd say your mind is pretty well made up that you won't be able to deal with your drummer, so replace her or prepare to have on-going problems there, unless you're willing to make the necessary changes to get along. It doesn't sound like you are both on the same page, & there may be some serious personality clashes going on that will never be resolved.

If your singer looks icky to the audience, only you can decide what to do about it. The problem of her changing her hours to suit you seems to be a big thing to you, as well. Is it lazy or a lifestyle choice for her? Are you willing to compromise? (AGAIN!)

You seem to have a lot of issues with these ppl. Now the question becomes - is it you or them? If it's you, are you willing to change? I doubt it. Not right now, anyway.

Then the next step is to find ppl that you CAN handle in the ways that you'd like.

Again, get some hired guns for studio work, & see how that works out. That will tell you if it's you or the others, for sure.

YEAH!@

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is to the BONE! lol

You will never be able to grow, and/or move forward, as a band if a member refers to your hard work as "ew". That just is not acceptable. Never work with anyone that gives you this much stress. I know a drummer ( I think that he is still alive ) who got most of his gigs because of his comaraderie. He was enjoyable and easy to get along with. There were other drummers with better skills but that did not get them hired. A good musician is flexible period...there is no in-between. Since you didn't hire this girl, you can't fire her. But you can split from her. A girl band does not have to be all girls. Don't let the sex of the musician determine their worthiness to the group.

Hey hun. I SO hear you on what's going on! This is where you need a woman's help My suggestion - ditch the girls! lol I have always preferred working with men because for the most part men can say what they want, do it and get over it. 20 year old girly-girls however, cannot. It sounds to me like you have values about yourself and you don't want to be another woman who sleeps her way to the top - and good for you! Too many broads out there show their T & A to get famous but never truly live. I think your drummer has been watching WAY too much t.v. I would like to say power to you girl for not dressing like a slut to get noticed...so keep playin and let your music do the talkin'! Drummer's may be hard to replace, but sellin' yourself out scars for life...

As for your singer, I think I hear what you're gettin' at...it's not her weight so much as it's back to the image. I am heavy now that I've had 4 babies in 6 years, but I know what my good points are and what they aren't. I know how to show what I've got! That sweetheart, is something that comes with maturity I'm afraid. Maybe ditch the drummer, talk with your singer and help her to make better choices as far as dressing - like if she's heavier on top but got great legs, then give 'er a long shirt & a short skirt If she's heavier on the bottom, give 'er some cool pants and show those boobs! lol

Ultimately tho, it comes down to what you want from your music, and further, your life. You are so young and have so much to do yet...

Best of luck to you!

Some motherly advice. Right on target.

This is why it pays to be a member of Bandmix: so many nice people willing to freely give their advice and opinions on so many subjects. Where else can you get so much for so little? Later...

Now just a sec, there, koolmom!

I see nothing wrong with dressing like a slut to get ahead in the biz. I do it all the time. You should see me in my "frillies!"

(Omg! Even I'M shuddering at that image!)

Love your advice, m'lady! But puh-LEEZE! Can she dress like a slut at least SOME of the time? I mean - isn't that part of rock 'n' roll, too?

Mz Pinkflame - there are many many ppl here with better advice to give than me. Still, I'd say Black57 nailed it on the "ew" comment from your drummer, & koolmom definitely has the rest stated much better than I could have done (except for the dressing part, of course - always listen to the men on that subject!). Bob said it right, too. You have to have a rock solid drummer.

You never mentioned any prob's with your bass player. Of course bass players are always easy to get along with. Just out of curiousity, what does she think about it all?

Are you going to have to scratch your entire band & start from the beginning again?

Keep us posted how this drama ends up.

Is this post for real?

Sometimes I think people put up fake profiles and put this stuff on here. On second thought who would come up with something like this.

Is this post for real?

Sometimes I think people put up fake profiles and put this stuff on here. On second thought who would come up with something like this.

haha, it's real. I just really need to know, do you think a girl band should "dress" a certain way just because we're girls. I always thought of that as superficial. Like I said, I like wearing jeans and a t-shirt while my drummer likes wearing dresses and stuff. Even though I personally don' t like what my drummer wears, it' s her choice and I respect her differences but she doesn't respect mine. So is how we dress that important? Or is my drummer focusing on the wrong thing because for some screwed up reason, this issue keeps comming up and frankly it's starting to get a little irritating.

Well as you can see, asking a bunch of chauvinist pigs will get you a pretty simple answer! lol You'd be a millionaire if you'd play naked!

Dress however YOU want to dress. Don't copy the other girls, don't sell out your desire to put music first, tits 2nd...now with that being said, I think it's pretty obvious that every woman knows how to show what she's got to her advantage. Just don't lose your self in the "biz ideal" kwim?

All that matters here is, like I said, what YOU want from your music & YOUR life.