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#29614 by ALDNME
Tue Apr 22, 2008 7:42 pm
Since stating what we DO want hasn't help fill our void at the lead guitarist spot, we are going to try reverse psychology.


We ARENT a new band and we DON'T need a lead guitarist. We DON'T play alternative rock with some synths and electronic stuff. We don't already have a singer/rhythm guitar player, bassist, or drummer. If you meet the following qualifications, maybe you should contact us about NOT playing lead guitar for our band.

You AREN'T 18-33 :evil:
You AREN'T good
You DON'T play guitar
You'd rather filter through craigslist ads looking for a band than actually playing in one.
You want to e-mail us to tell us you are interested, then never write back again. We love this.
You think you are god's gift to music.
You have no redeemable social skills and bring pretty much nothing to table in terms of human existence.
You are wondering if reverse psychology is some sort of middle eastern scale your guitar teacher never taught you about.
Thinking we might be the next Slipknot, You play the drums, but apply to posts looking for a lead guitar player anyway.
You are going to copy and paste the same generic response you've given to 20 other posts and didn't even read this and don't care about wasting other people's time.
You still don't get this.

So if you had a little chuckle at this, then you've already passed the personality test. What kind of musicians would we be if we didn't get a little creative? We aren't a-holes, I swear. In fact, just the opposite. A couple of guys that take music seriously, but not themselves. At the end of the day, this is supposed to be fun. If you are decent at the guitar, can play more than power chords, and are also looking to have fun, then get in touch with us. We know we can go far with this.

#29631 by fisherman bob
Wed Apr 23, 2008 12:10 am
Maybe I need to advertise the same way. Can't get any lead guitarist worth a crap to show up for an audition. Later...

#29641 by sanshouheil
Wed Apr 23, 2008 2:04 am
Id show up. Just aint worth a crap. Yet. But I am learning in leaps.

#29662 by tbh1989
Wed Apr 23, 2008 8:02 am
I'd give someone a blowjob to let me in their band. :lol:

#29676 by philbymon
Wed Apr 23, 2008 1:17 pm
Um...ok, I'll play!

I'm a tone deaf singer, a rhythmless rhythm guitarist, & a tempoless bass player looking for ppl to talk about music instead of playing it. I like to try to pick up girls from the stage, cuz that's why I got into music in the 1st place, unless, of course, you have a fattie or a double shot or a line for my head, cuz that'll do just as well. I want to be payed big bucks to show up late & drown out your entire band with my virtuousity as I play out of tune, out of time, & often in the wrong key, while I flip my hairs around & make faces like I'm pouring my guts out on the floor for you. I'll respond to every idea that you put forth by saying "embrace the cheese, man," & then ignore your idea completely. I'll find the most irritating tone I can find on my instrument, & try to convince you & everyone else that tone doesn't matter as long as it looks good on stage. I use effects on my instrument like a sledge hammer, tweaking the sound until it is completely unrecognizeable as a musical instrument, & then say things like "wow,'s so....COSMIC!" as I go off in an entirely different direction from whatever song you're playing, & do my best to eradicate your vocals with my never ending overdriven solos, slipping seamlessly from key to key throughout every song cuz once you get my hands started, heaven only knows where they'll end up...and isn't that too frikken COOL? I'll ask every bartender where the action is, cuz they know that stuff, don't they? Surely they can tell ya who sells the best mind-altering substances. Rehearsals? you gotta be kidding, man! Keep the sound FRESH, dude! Every break we take, you can find me out in my car "tuning up my head." No, I don't need to remember the damned one listens to the words anyway, so I can just repeat the 1st verse, if I can remember it. Otherwise an unintelligible mumble will do. Oh, by the amp's in hock. Can I borrow yours? Do you have any strings? I just broke one bending the thing 4 full frets at the strangest spot in your song, & I wanna see if I can do it again. Don't worry. Go ahead & set up. I'll be a little late, like maybe an hour. It's all good, dude. My girlfriend wants to sing a song when we take a break, but only after she's had a few to bolster her confidence. She's really good after a few drinks & I wanna encourage her, besides, I might get laid. I don't need a tuner, man. I got perfect pitch! Just gimme an E, & I'll take it from there at the loudest setting with the overdrive on, while you try to tune or set up your amp. Hey, is it ok if my other band auditions during the break? We need the bucks, man. Dude, my axe has this funny little buzz on the 9th fret. Can you fix it? I just got this effects pedal with like 3 thousand tones, & I'm gonna try 'em ALL out tonight as I trip over the thing & occasionally unplug it with my drunken foot. Can you feel it? At the end of the night you can find me either in my car getting tuned up, or chatting up some drunk, while you break down the equipment. I'll probably get a DUI tonight on my way home, so I may not be there tomorrow night for that show. any pot?

These are far from all of my experiences, but they cover a bunch of them in dealing with other "musicians" over the years.

Thus far I haven't seen anything much from BM...other than the 20 yr old metal band doing Five Finger Death Punch who needed a singer...did they even LOOK at my profile?...and the guy who talked to me for like 5 hrs on the phone about music & then told me he's in the middle of a move & doesn't have the time to start anything up right now, about 5 weeks ago.

#29694 by sanshouheil
Wed Apr 23, 2008 2:45 pm
WOW. :shock: Antidepressants anyone :?:

#29696 by philbymon
Wed Apr 23, 2008 2:56 pm
Tried 'em once, sans...they made me depressed

#29699 by sanshouheil
Wed Apr 23, 2008 3:00 pm
You could chase em with an anxiolytic like all the ladies do? Then an antipsychotic, but then you will need a sleeping pill. But never ever smoke some weed thats DRUGS!

#29700 by The Hunter
Wed Apr 23, 2008 3:03 pm
Move to Spring Texas and hire meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
And remember kids, dont smoke crack! :lol:

#29707 by sanshouheil
Wed Apr 23, 2008 3:13 pm
I heard Oprah got stopped in the Airport for having 40 pounds of crack under her dress :D
Sorry could not help myself. :oops:

#29709 by The Hunter
Wed Apr 23, 2008 3:14 pm
What the f**k???? :lol: :lol: :lol:

#29728 by Kramerguy
Wed Apr 23, 2008 6:38 pm
eesh, move up this way. All I can find is guitarists... bassists and vocalists are like Waldo up here.

#29734 by philbymon
Wed Apr 23, 2008 7:36 pm
Damn, Kramer! I'd go as far as Gettysburg, or're just a bit too far, as I look on the ol' Google map!

I may hafta move...hmm...any suggestions for a place needing a chubby balding bass player/singer/rhythm player, anyone?

I know! I'll just give ALDNME a call! He's not looking for anything but a lead player! We can sit & talk music all day & never get nuffin done! I can't seem to do that here. I'm right outta his preferred age group, too! :wink: & maybe he could teach me that middle eastern reverse psychology scale! After all, I"m sure he could use summa my, up there in Massapequa New York City Town!

#29744 by sanshouheil
Wed Apr 23, 2008 9:23 pm
Waldo, Damn spit on my keyboard again. Half the llleters ssstick nowww.

#30112 by philbymon
Mon Apr 28, 2008 12:15 pm
Yeah, sure, sans - THAT's why your keys are sticky!


Now tell the truth - it's really that "noisy kung fu," right? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

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