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Hows my lyric writing going?
Posted:
Tue Jun 23, 2009 5:03 pmby AirViking
This is a more simple vocal song I have, just wanna see how im doing
Intro (instrumental)
Verse1
I often wonder when this dead night will come to end
A dream thats so real I dont realize that Im stuck again
Chorus
Never climbing, never conquer, a dream that never ends
stuck in four walls... trapped here again (repeat)
Trasnitional Bridge
Verse2
I walk alone in the late night of your city streets
why is there no one who can tell me how this came to be
Chorus
Never climbing, never conquer, a dream that never ends
stuck in four walls... trapped here again (repeat)
Trasnitional Bridge
Solo
Verse3 (1 again)
I often wonder when this dead night will come to end
A dream thats so real I dont realize that Im stuck again
Chorus
Never climbing, never conquer, a dream that never ends
stuck in four walls... trapped here again (repeat)
Never climbing, Ive never conquered, this nightmare never (blanking) ends (HOUSE OF PAIN-background vocals) Stuck in my mind, trapped here AGAIN!
Not much vocally its more of and instrumental. go ahead and give critizism on this
Posted:
Tue Jun 23, 2009 5:11 pmby Debbiestrange
It's hard to critique without having music with it to see how it flows..however...using end, and again...too often can make a song sound too redundant....songs don't always have to rhyme....
I'd like to hear the song with music for a better feel.
Posted:
Tue Jun 23, 2009 5:16 pmby AirViking
oh wow your right... the way it was originally written down didnt let me see it that way... wow. your right.
Posted:
Wed Jun 24, 2009 2:38 pmby gbheil
I second the Strange one.
I was going to say that I cannot judge lyric outside of the music, even before I read her response.
Even dipshit lyrics can come off cool with the right musical context.
Re: Hows my lyric writing going?
Posted:
Wed Jun 24, 2009 7:48 pmby Sir Jamsalot
AirViking wrote:This is a more simple vocal song I have, just wanna see how im doing
Intro (instrumental)
Verse1
I often wonder when this dead night will come to end
A dream thats so real I dont realize that Im stuck again
Chorus
Never climbing, never conquer, a dream that never ends
stuck in four walls... trapped here again (repeat)
Trasnitional Bridge
Verse2
I walk alone in the late night of your city streets
why is there no one who can tell me how this came to be
Chorus
Never climbing, never conquer, a dream that never ends
stuck in four walls... trapped here again (repeat)
Trasnitional Bridge
Solo
Verse3 (1 again)
I often wonder when this dead night will come to end
A dream thats so real I dont realize that Im stuck again
Chorus
Never climbing, never conquer, a dream that never ends
stuck in four walls... trapped here again (repeat)
Never climbing, Ive never conquered, this nightmare never (blanking) ends (HOUSE OF PAIN-background vocals) Stuck in my mind, trapped here AGAIN!
Not much vocally its more of and instrumental. go ahead and give critizism on this
Well, I like it. The lyrics create a subjective image of someone dreaming they are wandering the streets looking for a way out, not sure how they got in. I think what is missing is more description of the streets you are walking - are the streets clean? is it a slum? and the walls, is there a wall around the city? Is it brick, or textured like a brain? I think the lyrics in and of themselves are a great start - add some verses in there help the reader picture what's in your mind (pun intended).
Posted:
Thu Jun 25, 2009 2:43 pmby AirViking
Good idea Chris, Ill look into a transition within the verse so things dont become monotonous.
A lonely dark road where you cant see in front of you and you cant turn back is how i see it. just need to find the lyrics for that now.
Re: Hows my lyric writing going?
Posted:
Sat Jan 28, 2017 7:54 pmby henry1180613
That is not the urbanization I want. And if you share my idea of the healthy environment but with modern technology standards and affordable, well-done accommodations for the citizens then check out
https://www.breezewriting.com/before you will apply for the next conference. Peace!
Re: Hows my lyric writing going?
Posted:
Sat Jan 28, 2017 8:38 pmby Badstrat
I like it because it is cheerful.
Most of the stuff I write is depressing.
Re: Hows my lyric writing going?
Posted:
Sat Jan 28, 2017 10:26 pmby GuitarMikeB
Badstrat wrote:I like it because it is cheerful.
Most of the stuff I write is depressing.
Slacker - 7 year old thread awakened by a spammer!
Re: Hows my lyric writing going?
Posted:
Sat Jan 28, 2017 11:44 pmby MikeTalbot
Are you a Lovecraft fan Mike?
"Across strange eons, even death shall die!"
Talbot
Re: Hows my lyric writing going?
Posted:
Sat Jan 28, 2017 11:49 pmby Badstrat
"
Slacker - 7 year old thread awakened by a spammer!"
Do you think his writing has improved since then?
Re: Hows my lyric writing going?
Posted:
Sun Jan 29, 2017 12:03 amby GuitarMikeB
Badstrat wrote:"
Slacker - 7 year old thread awakened by a spammer!"
Do you think his writing has improved since then?
Who can tell - no longer has a BM profile!
Re: Hows my lyric writing going?
Posted:
Sun Jan 29, 2017 12:39 amby schmedidiah
Hey at least Sir Jamsalot has resurfaced this year!
Re: Hows my lyric writing going?
Posted:
Sun Jan 29, 2017 2:27 amby Badstrat
Evidently he didn't like us.
Re: Hows my lyric writing going?
Posted:
Sun Jan 29, 2017 6:05 amby schmedidiah
Back on topic
