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An Amish farmer, walking through his field, notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.

The Amish man shouts: "Trink das Wasser nicht.
Die Kuhen haben dahin gesheissen."
Which means:

"Don't drink the water, the cows have sh*t in it."

The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I do not understand your gibberish... Speak English, infidel!"

The Amish man calmly says:
"Use two hands, and you'll get more!"

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Q. What goes, "Clop, clop, clop, clop, BLAM, BLAM, clop, clop...."?
A. An Amish drive by shooting.

Q. What do you call an Amish guy with both hands up a horses rectum?
A. Mechanic

Q. How can you tell when an Amish family is living in the South?
A. Front yard has a dead horse up on concrete blocks.

Q. On an Amish horse drawn cart, what do they call the rope tied around the horse's testicles?
A. Emergency brake.

As I said ,,,, Put your head in a hole,,,,,,,,
Make sure no one is behind you.

Jesus, Moses, and God are fishing in a boat. Jesus gets the first bite and lo and behold reels in a Monkfish. "How appropriate for you, Jesus" says Moses. Just then Moses gets a bite and lo and behold reels in a Jewfish. "Amazingly appropriate for you Moses" remarks Jesus. God then gets a bite and lo and behold reels in a Permit. "How is that appropriate Father?" asks Moses. Just then a fish and game officer pulls up alongside in his boat and says "Just checking to se if you fellas have your permits." Jesus and Moses don't have one. God reaches into the livewell and pulls out his Permit with a big smile on his face.