resolutions, anyone?

here are mine. I've tried real hard this year to come up with some that I can actually attain.
12.) I will quit eating the colored newsprint (tastes funny anyway)
11.) I will stop putting unwrapped Baby Ruth bars on the bathroom floor in bars & blaming it on other ppl in the band
10.) I will quit annoying the homeless vets begging on the off-ramp with gifts of theatre tickets, bouquets of wildflowers, and puppies.
9.) I will uproot the trees growing in my gutters.
8.) I will no longer wear boxer shorts over my "frillies."
7.) I will stop posting pictures of midget porn in the stalls of the men's room at church.
6.) I will stop singing John Denver songs out of key on purpose.
5.) I will sincerely try to stop being a "cutter," but if I find the compulsion overly powerful, I will resort to using paper or exacto knives rather than the power saws, sheet metal, and various feral animals that I've used in the past.
4.) When people in stores ask if they can help me, I will stop asking them "Are you a psychiatrist?"
3.) I will quit stopping old women in the mall and asking them "Are you my mommy?"
2.) I will dress more appropriately when dumpster diving ( the SPEEDOS draw far too many wierd looks)
1.) I will begin my master plan to run for governor of the state of West (by Gawd!) Virginia on the secessionist ticket. Should I win, I will put a fence around the entire state, and declare us a new country called "Phlemland" and give free cigarettes to everyone. I will then prepare us to be the very first country to build an outhouse on the moon.
So what are yours?
12.) I will quit eating the colored newsprint (tastes funny anyway)
11.) I will stop putting unwrapped Baby Ruth bars on the bathroom floor in bars & blaming it on other ppl in the band
10.) I will quit annoying the homeless vets begging on the off-ramp with gifts of theatre tickets, bouquets of wildflowers, and puppies.
9.) I will uproot the trees growing in my gutters.
8.) I will no longer wear boxer shorts over my "frillies."
7.) I will stop posting pictures of midget porn in the stalls of the men's room at church.
6.) I will stop singing John Denver songs out of key on purpose.
5.) I will sincerely try to stop being a "cutter," but if I find the compulsion overly powerful, I will resort to using paper or exacto knives rather than the power saws, sheet metal, and various feral animals that I've used in the past.
4.) When people in stores ask if they can help me, I will stop asking them "Are you a psychiatrist?"
3.) I will quit stopping old women in the mall and asking them "Are you my mommy?"
2.) I will dress more appropriately when dumpster diving ( the SPEEDOS draw far too many wierd looks)
1.) I will begin my master plan to run for governor of the state of West (by Gawd!) Virginia on the secessionist ticket. Should I win, I will put a fence around the entire state, and declare us a new country called "Phlemland" and give free cigarettes to everyone. I will then prepare us to be the very first country to build an outhouse on the moon.
So what are yours?