Musician Forum - Band Discussion Board - BandMix

Here about the Drummer that locked his Keys in the car?
It took him 2 hours to get the drummer out.

Words you'll never hear.
Is that the banjo players porshe.

How about the guitar player who wanted to plug in his amp but could not find a chord.

Or the bass player who used the rythym method & had 14 kids.

Welcome to Heaven - here's your harp

Welcome to Hell - here's your banjo....

Irminsul wrote:Welcome to Heaven - here's your harp

Welcome to Hell - here's your banjo....

LMAO!

You better watch yourself, I hear "deliverance" music, dueling banjos, playing in the background, and some big fat mountain dude sayin' "You sho are pretty!

What's the first thing a musician says at work?
"Would you like fries with that?"

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What do you call a musician without a significant other?
Homeless.

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The stages of a musician's life:

1. Who is (name)?
2. Get me (name).
3. Get me someone who sounds like (name).
4. Get me a young (name).
5. Who is (name)?

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There were two people walking down the street. One was a musician. The other didn't have any money either.

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Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners?
So the rest of the band can understand them

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and finally....uuhhh...

How do you get a guitar player off of your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.

Ok, so this guy is walking down the street and he sees a want add for a piano player. He steps in and informs the manager of the place that he would like to audition for the job. The manager says "ok" and the guy sits down at the piano in the place and begins to play the most beautiful song the manager has ever heard.
"OH MY GOD. That was beautiful!!! What's it called?"
The man responds,
"It's called 'Iv'e got dog sh*t on my pecker and rovers done run off' blues in e minor.
Taken aback the manager asks for another song.
The man plays a song even better than the first. Afterward the manager is in tears begging to know the name
The man responds,
"It's called 'Slap your mother, kiss a goat and tell me that you love me."
Once again the manager is shocked by the name.
The manager says,
"Ok, I love your music. And I'm going to hire you, but don't EVER tell any one the name of your songs."

That night, the place is packed. The man is playing great and the audience can't get enough. He gets up to take a bathroom break. He comes out and as someone else is walking into the restroom, they exclaim, "Hey! You know your fly's undone and your cock is hanging out!"

The piano player responds,

"Know it?! I WROTE IT!"

The Hunter wrote:Ok, so this guy is walking down the street and he sees a want add for a piano player. He steps in and informs the manager of the place that he would like to audition for the job. The manager says "ok" and the guy sits down at the piano in the place and begins to play the most beautiful song the manager has ever heard.
"OH MY GOD. That was beautiful!!! What's it called?"
The man responds,
"It's called 'Iv'e got dog sh*t on my pecker and rovers done run off' blues in e minor.
Taken aback the manager asks for another song.
The man plays a song even better than the first. Afterward the manager is in tears begging to know the name
The man responds,
"It's called 'Slap your mother, kiss a goat and tell me that you love me."
Once again the manager is shocked by the name.
The manager says,
"Ok, I love your music. And I'm going to hire you, but don't EVER tell any one the name of your songs."

That night, the place is packed. The man is playing great and the audience can't get enough. He gets up to take a bathroom break. He comes out and as someone else is walking into the restroom, they exclaim, "Hey! You know your fly's undone and your cock is hanging out!"

The piano player responds,

"Know it?! I WROTE IT!"

Long a$$ joke, but really funny

That's friggin' hilarious! Good one!

3 guys after a gig are going to break into the great sale music store, problem, this store is located on a small remote piece of acre surrounded by a moat with maneating fish, only a bridge is the way in or out. it was guarded by a almost blind man with a shotgun bazooka, well the drummer said, all you guys follow me and do as i do, they were determend to get apa, amps and all type of stuff, the drummer crossed and it was a windy rainy night, half way the bridge was sqeaky and makin noise due to forces of nature, the old man sat up from his chair and said,'who goes there", the drummer just went meow, meow.. Stupid cat thought the man, so the drummer got by and signaled the bassist and guitarist, the bassist did the same thing and the guard again stood up and said,"who goes there?" the bassist goes meow, so this guard was getting upset with the cat, he really wanted to shoot and blast the cat. well now it was up to the guitarist, he gets on the bridge and it makes a hell of a noise and the guard stands up, half sleepy and hard of seeing and says, "who goes there, and i hope it aint that dam cat again," and sure enough, the guitarist with all his wisdom goes, "it's me the cat!"

johnnya wrote:3 guys after a gig are going to break into the great sale music store, problem, this store is located on a small remote piece of acre surrounded by a moat with maneating fish, only a bridge is the way in or out. it was guarded by a almost blind man with a shotgun bazooka, well the drummer said, all you guys follow me and do as i do, they were determend to get apa, amps and all type of stuff, the drummer crossed and it was a windy rainy night, half way the bridge was sqeaky and makin noise due to forces of nature, the old man sat up from his chair and said,'who goes there", the drummer just went meow, meow.. Stupid cat thought the man, so the drummer got by and signaled the bassist and guitarist, the bassist did the same thing and the guard again stood up and said,"who goes there?" the bassist goes meow, so this guard was getting upset with the cat, he really wanted to shoot and blast the cat. well now it was up to the guitarist, he gets on the bridge and it makes a hell of a noise and the guard stands up, half sleepy and hard of seeing and says, "who goes there, and i hope it aint that dam cat again," and sure enough, the guitarist with all his wisdom goes, "it's me the cat!"

Man, that was ONE freakin LONG sentence! I mean, the joke was funny, but I got lost while reading it. Start using some periods...lol

sometimes a woman is like a bass guitar. Sometimes you gotta finger it, and sometimes you just gotta slap it, but whatever you do, you gotta make sweet music with it.

A drummer walks...... Oh wait this thread is about musicians.