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#17950 by Craig Maxim
Tue Dec 25, 2007 8:54 am
Craig on this one, you're way out in left field.

Possibly, but only God, Tom and his ex-wife know for sure.

First off, aren't you really projecting by assuming the guy is only after a f**k?

Of course not. If I were projecting, it would mean that I was accusing him of what I was guilty of myself. Women have never been objects to me.

There is nothing in what he posted that said he was only looking for a roll in the hay, was there?

I don't think he is "only" looking for a roll in the hay. I think he screwed his last marriage up out of selfishness, and is now lonely, and wants some chick to play nursing homes with him, and not have to pack up and go home alone afterwards.


You're REALLY reading alot into his intentions.

No I'm not. You're hung up on the fact that I fast-forwarded to the ultimate conclusion, which is sharing a bed. I am quite sure he is not wanting a "relationship" based on sexual abstinence. And I never said he merely wanted one night stands.

Let's not drop the Scarlet A on him as an abuser when we don't even know the guy.

Never said he was an abuser either. What he is, is a selfish guy that has created his own lonliness. You pity him because of his age, and I have the opposite opinion for the very same reason, namely, his age. He's lived long enough to have learned from his mistakes, but I don't think he has. It takes humility to look at your life honestly and admit your faults and work to correct them. A perfect woman for him, is one that does his bidding and worships his "talents". If he could get that, it would "prove" that he has just been misunderstood all along, and is not really responsible for all the bridges he has burned and relationships he has ruined in his life. He is a self-centered person, who wants to be loved and accepted, but is disconnected on an emotional level. He doesn't know how to relate with people in intimate relationships in a real and open way. He has trouble sharing his feelings, and so holds sh*t in, which keeps him disconnected. He relates with people through music. He shares his feelings through music, but doesn't know how to do it in reality, where it counts most. He's angry inside and also very sad and alone.


That's REALLY low class, and something I really don't associate with you.

I don't know about "class" or the lack thereof. I am either an ass that assumes alot of sh*t, or I am really, really good at picking up clues that most people are unaware of.

#17951 by Craig Maxim
Tue Dec 25, 2007 9:44 am
You know Irminsul,

I wouldn't have even paid much attention to any of this, except he started calling people assholes. Of which, if I am not mistaken, you are one of the two "assholes" he was referring to.

That kind of got my attention, because he is basically accussing flamers of ruining his prospects at getting some action. That caused me to take a closer look.

But ultimately, I just think his sig line is distasteful.

#17953 by HowlinJ
Tue Dec 25, 2007 12:25 pm
Note to Craig,G.A.,Irmy,and everyone else,
Music,Mothers,and "Assholes"are things we all have in common.
Peace

#17957 by Craig Maxim
Tue Dec 25, 2007 4:01 pm
HowlinJ wrote:Note to Craig,G.A.,Irmy,and everyone else,
Music,Mothers,and "Assholes"are things we all have in common.
Peace



How true. LOL

Woke up this morning and said "I beter delete my comments."

Oh well. Can't blame it on the egg nog.

Merry Christmas

#17963 by Guitaranatomy
Tue Dec 25, 2007 5:31 pm
Lmao. Alright, I agree with that, HowlinJ. Merry Christmas people. May guitars, basses, drums, and harps pop out of your stockings! Or whatever instrument you enjoy. Excuse me as I go stare at my stocking and hope for an ESP M1000 to jump out. :D

#17971 by Irminsul
Tue Dec 25, 2007 9:06 pm
Craig you are usually so thoughtful and well spoken, so this one has me in a quandry. Why you want to throw such viciousness at this guy seems really out of character for you. That's why I was wondering if what he was doing touched a "bad nerve" in your past, or something.

You presume to know an awful lot about the guy. Have you spent time with him? Know him face to face? It looks to me like you didn't know him from Adam before he came to BandMix. You know, our romantic relations are some of the deepest and sometimes well hidden parts of us. An area we usually save for us and the partners we share it with. So how exactly is it that you have this guy's romance history on a detailed enough flow chart to go ripping chunks of his flesh off in your postings?

The answer, I think, is that you are assuming so much that you're stepping in your own sh*t. Yes, he called the people who were bombing his new forums "assholes". He never called me one, because I never posted at his forum nor do I even know where it is. Frankly, people who vindictively try to sabotage someone's efforts out of sheer personal hate ARE assholes. If you don't like what he's doing, easy answer - don't frequent his site.

So you don't like his sig line. Well, great. Lots of sig lines I don't like either. But that doesn't mean I charge in with the cavalry on the guy because of it. "Possible romance" just doesn't seem like a big deal to me. At least he's up front about it. I know musicians who secretly use their musical prowess to try and "bag" a one night stand or two, and then leave them high and dry looking for the next conquest. If you want jerks, THERE'S your target. Not some old guy honest enough to fish out there for a kindred musical spirit and romantic mate in one.

I would do some serious soul searching on the degree of your white hot nasty responses to Tom. From where I sit, it looks like you are presuming the worst in him because maybe you pulled that on women before yourself. I have seen lots of guys claim to not see women as objects in public, for all to see how evolved they are, and then go home and smack their wives. Hell even Gandhi did it. The point is, sometimes when we are attacking someone else - we are in fact attacking a part of us we think we see in them.

Just a few things to think about. Oh, and hope you all are having a great Christmas.

#17986 by Craig Maxim
Wed Dec 26, 2007 3:56 am
Irminsul,

I grew up on the road. 12 years old, I was out of school and a roadie for my mother's band. at 16 I was performing with her. I grew up in the nicest hotels, and I also slept in a van for 2 months during a blizzard in Washington, DC. because there was no work for us for a while. I don't know if growing up sober in bars from 12 years of age, and listening to adults share their problems with me did it, or that I have some spritual gifts, or a combination of the two. But I have, from a very early age, been very intuitive about people. It doesn't mean I'm not thrown for a loop from time to time, but very rarely is that the case.

I can look at pictures of people I have never met and tell their relatives a basic history of their lives and things they may have been through as children. Things I could not possibly know, but are plain to me somehow. It astonishes the people who have seen me do it. And not just photos, but words as well. Every word a person speaks is very revealing. Why they chose a certain word over a different word. It speaks volumes to what they are really saying. We reveal much more about ourselves, with our choices of words and phrases than many people realize.

For example, I was reading a sports article about Pete Sampras a number of years ago, and they had interviewed his coach from when he was a child. At the time, Pete's professional coach had brain cancer or something like that and was dying. The journalist was interviewing Pete's childhood coach and wondering whether Pete may have him become his new coach, even though there had been some kind of tension between them in the past.

While it has been too long to remember the exact phrase, Pete's childhood coach phrased an answer, one word really, differently than one would expect. That single word, was very revealing to me. I told my wife "This guy sexually abused Pete Sampras when he was a boy"

She didn't want to hear it. Not because she didn't believe it was possibly true, but because she had seen me do this many times before, and she knew I was usually right.

A number of months passed and I had not thought about it since that day, but a story came out in the paper later, and another tennis student of this same coach, accused him of molestation. The media went to Sampras, and asked him whether he had been a victim of molestation as well, and Pete said something to the effect of "I don't know anything about this, nothing happened to me." Well, something did happen, but with his career in flux because his beloved coach was dying, he couldn't deal with this coming out too. He had likely worked hard all his life to bury those bones, and was not prepared for anyone to dig them up at this point in his life and career.

In any event, what are the chances of that? To make a statement like that, and months later, someone comes forward and makes the same accusation, but from personal experience.

All my life, things like that have happened. Throughout my life I have usually been a confidant of even complete strangers who would then say "I can't believe I just told you all those things about my life". Possibly they sensed I already knew much of what they were telling me, or at least could sense that I would understand and cared enough to listen and help.

I've been through a very difficult life, some of which was my own doing, and as I have matured and grown throughout my life, I have always had a burden to help others. Possibly something inside me believes that had someone been there more for me, maybe my own life would have been different, and I am willing to be that someone, for them, that possibly they could have a better and more rewarding life of their own, without some of the pitfalls that somehow seem almost required in order to wake us up to our own realities. There is a famous saying...

Smart people learn from their mistakes, but the smartest people, learn from the mistakes of others.

I think, that I choose to use the pitfalls in my own life, as lessons to others, so they can be the "smartest" kind of person. The one that learns from the mistakes of others. Some of the horrible things in my own life, seem less horrible, when they are turned around and used for a good purpose. Like helping others to learn and grow.

I don't hate Tom. I feel sad for him, but in a tough love kind of way. I hope something I said strikes a chord, before he wastes any more of his life in denial. Sometimes reality has to have a cold hard slap across the face in order to wake us up. I realize that my diatribe on his life seems bizarre to those reading it, but it is not for me, and hopefully, from the story above, you can understand why. Also, it is meant for him to understand, no one else. I feel It's possible I could be a little off on my assessment, but not by much.

I also feel there is a 50/50 chance that he admits to it, rather than feigns ignorance. We'll see.

But Tom, if you're listening out there, and need someone to share with on a personal level. I would understand and may be helpful in some way. I promise not to take credit publicly. I'd rather see you become whole, than impress anyone with the insights I feel God affords me, for the betterment of others.

I mean that in all sincerity.

You can find my email on my profile.

Merry Christmas, and a fullfilling New Year to everyone!

#17994 by Irminsul
Wed Dec 26, 2007 5:56 am
Craig that's an interesting story. But it doesn't at all really excuse someone using a "gut feeling" to accuse someone else of being a sexual predator or abuser. Can you imagine if the law was run like that? It's Scarlet A mentality.

I do like what I see that you have turned from going for Tom's juglar, to wanting to speak to him one on one. That's a little better I think. You may find out things you had no idea of.

#17995 by Craig Maxim
Wed Dec 26, 2007 6:47 am
Irminsul wrote:
But it doesn't at all really excuse someone using a "gut feeling" to accuse someone else of being a sexual predator or abuser.



Here we go again. LOL

Sexual Predator? Abuser?

Never said either of those things.

I hadn't planned on saying anything, but I caught him calling you and MusikMage assholes. You were the two he was talking about, because as you guys did in many threads, you went for each other's jugulars and forced everyone to sift through, sometimes pages of bickering to find something on-topic. And there is no "forum" per-se. It was the thread that was his "forum". And he was pissed that you two had, in his mind, ruined his idea for finding a singer he could both play nursing homes with and date at the same time.

That kind of irked me, because his whole premise was tastless to begin with. His "ad" said basically "WANTED: A female singer/musician to jam with and possible relationship"

Poor taste IMO, framing it that way.

His sig-line was in poor taste, putting it in all caps betrayed his desperation, as did his calling people assholes and blaming them for his lack of success. When he went to insults, I merely pointed out, that he was a victim of his own sig-line, not of flamers, and that he should look at how he himself comes across before tossing the "asshole" label around.

You felt like defending him, because you pity him, which caused me to pay more attention to him, and revealed alot more about him. Blaming others is really a theme of his I realized. He is in his own little world, which alienates those that love him, but don't get as much attention from him as his hobbies do. But he is oblivious to this, and is convinced that the problem is, that no one understands him. Eureka, he thinks, a girl that is also a musician, will certainly understand him, and he can therefore continue life as he wants, and be justified in it, because someone else "understands". But understanding him is not the problem. Music, or the appreciation of musicians, is not the problem. He is the problem. But he keeps himself so busy with his own selfish pursuits that he won't recognize this. And yes, his purusits are selfish. they become so, when they interfere in relationships he has committed to, but is not honoring. Balance is required. Seeing beyond your love of yourself is required.

And as far as unwarranted labelling, or marking someone, because of some "gut feeling", well, if I am on target, that is all moot. Trust me, I went through this at home for years. My wife's oldest son would get busted by me, time and time again, on the slightest of slips, a little misplaced word here or there, a certain look, etc... I would read him the riot act, and unfortunately get reamed myself, by his mother, who he worked liked a con-artist, crying on cue, and being so believable in his tales, that he should have won an oscar for his performances. But I would outwit him and trip him up every time, every one. And his mother would see for herself what was occuring, time and time again, until finally, she trusts my judgement much more, and ultimately he respects me quite a bit now, and jokes that he can't get away with anything anymore with me around. But he also jumps in my lap all the time and feels very close to me and safe with me, because unlike his father, who unfortunately lies to his children on a daily basis, I have never lied to him, and he knows I never will.

#17997 by Crip2Nite
Wed Dec 26, 2007 12:35 pm
Well...in the old man's defense... how many hot, horny chicks re ya gonna really get to go down on you in a freakin' nursing home???

#18007 by Craig Maxim
Wed Dec 26, 2007 4:04 pm
Crip2Nite wrote:Well...in the old man's defense... how many hot, horny chicks re ya gonna really get to go down on you in a freakin' nursing home???


LMAO!

This has gotten waaay out of hand!

I should have kept my mouth shut.

I think I'm gonna play his next nursing home gig with him, steal some guy's IV and come home and invert a bottle of Jack with the IV going from the bottle to my arm. A steady stream of medication. LOL

That probably wouldn't work would it?

LMAO!!!

Hope everyone had a good holiday!

#18011 by RhythmMan
Wed Dec 26, 2007 4:29 pm
There's something which I wish I'd learned earlier in my life:
Never write anything when you're angry.
. . . . and, if by chance you do, keep it to yourself for 24 hours.

#18014 by Craig Maxim
Wed Dec 26, 2007 5:27 pm
RhythmMan_BluesRockFolk wrote:There's something which I wish I'd learned earlier in my life:
Never write anything when you're angry.
. . . . and, if by chance you do, keep it to yourself for 24 hours.



Good advice.

I think we can all agree I put my foot in my mouth, and am having a hell of a time extracting it. :-)

Size 10 1/2 at that.... OUCH!!!

#18025 by Irminsul
Wed Dec 26, 2007 7:47 pm
Craig I believe the people he was calling "assholes" were the ones who were trashing his new site. Here is the exact post ->

http://forum.bandmix.com/viewtopic.php?p=15103#15103

Having never gone to his site nor registered to post there, I can only logically assume I wasn't in the asshole group. There were lots of folks who got exasperated at the dust-ups between me and muzikrage, I'm sure Tom sure wasn't alone in that. Here is the post you might have gotten confused by. He called me and 'mage "idiots" -

http://forum.bandmix.com/viewtopic.php?p=17929#17929

Again, the point here is the degree of your white hot angry response to him for something I consider really not that big a deal. I'll reiterate - lots of musicians would love a kindred musical spirit as a romantic partner too. Coming right out and telling the world you are seeking that...I just don't think that's a felony. Nor in particularly bad taste. What IS in bad taste is harboring that agenda secretly and leaving a bunch of wounded people in your wake.

Seriously, an old guy looking for love through music in the waning years of his life. How horrid is that really? Personally, I hope he finds it. I would wish that sort of happiness for anyone.

Wouldn't you?

#18027 by Craig Maxim
Wed Dec 26, 2007 8:00 pm
I was upset at the underlying things you call my "gut feeling" not at the prospect of musicians falling in love. I couldn't possibly explain to you clearly enough, why I get strong feelings about things that later prove true. It just happens.

Also, he was kind of posting an announcement for someone to play music with, and wanting to have a personal relationship with them at the same time. Just not the right way to go about things. It would have been better to join a dating site and include his desire that they share his love for music, or else make some posts for female singers, and if something develops naturally, it develops. Something just didn't set well with me, including them together like that, on a music forum, rather than a dating site. And I get that he was trying to turn part of this forum into a dating site. Also, clearly not a good idea.

And you're just not gonna let me take my damn foot out of my mouth are you? LOL

I defintely went way farther into this than I should have, on a public forum.

FORGIVE ME DAMN IT!!!!! :-)

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