Musician Forum - Band Discussion Board - BandMix

I'm 37. I've been playing most of my life (since 7). I play keys and guitar (both at a pro level). I'm completely tired with unprofessionalism, lead singer disease and not being appreciated in a band setting. I feel burned out by collaborating with idiots. I'm considering yet another huge break from collaborating. I'm completely unwilling to put up with attitude from band members when I have so much to offer. I'd like to hear about others' experiences with this. Part of me feels that it's because I live in NYC and the people here are extremely rude.

Finding the right people, no matter where you are, is never easy. In NYC you've go more choices, but that means more debris to sift through.

Is this for performing, or just recording/writing? You could try an online collaboration site like musesmuse.com

Thanks for getting back to me. It's just for performing. After all the bs through the years I became very protective over my material. I've seen too many people collaborate with people in the writing process only to see them fight and see the material unused after band splits.

lol Uh-huh.

Even worse, you create something together that is really stunning only to come back to it and find out your cohort has taken it upon himself or herself to "correct" your work during a fit of pique.

And that usually sucks because it's not what you were doing, as no 2 minds are completely in sync.

Then you get the power struggle argument about who is right and who is wrong, when maybe both of you are a little right about a few things. The point is that at that point, it seems fruitless and you just get sick of dealing with the nonsense.

Usually a work is a little more one and a little less of the other, but if everyone works together, it's easy to keep both your heads in the game. The minute one person thinks it's ok to edit whatever they want without mentioning it to the other, you get hard feelings.

The best tech in the world is still only one half a union of 2 minds. Conversely the best writer in the world is only one half of a union of 2 minds. If anyone in this union doesn't get that, you're screwed before you start although at the beginning everyone is happy with what the other brings to the table.

Good luck, I understand what's bugging you but there is no easy answer for this one..

Hi Starfish Scott,
I totally agree with everything you said. Yeah it's all a pickle for sure but it's just really interesting for me to hear how other people feel about this. It's just sad that's it's way too much work just to try to work with others in any capacity. Often too much work to be worth it.

The desiderata says "Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness".
And I believe it, many people often doubt themselves at the cusp of things, unfortunately it ruins whatever goals you have when things go awry. If there is one person you should believe in, it's you.

If you get something good and keep it that way, sometimes it becomes necessary to take a step back and just attempt to finish what you start. (KISS = Keep it simple, stupid)
To expect more than this is folly, but you can't teach this either.

It's basically common sense that isn't very common.
But giving advice to someone that doesn't ask for it, isn't ever well-received.
Pride gets in the way...for one and I was never a diplomat.

I surmise one can only do their best and little more than that is really possible or probable.
You have to take the bad with the good; hope, pray and be tolerant else it's a mire of agony and anguish.

I feel your frustration. I'm the most experienced, knowledgeable, dedicated member of my current band. It sucks.

Since collaborating has been so frustrating for you, perhaps its time to 'take the spotlight' and put a band together that is backing you rathter than playing with you?