Musician Forum - Band Discussion Board - BandMix

Guys we are missing the most important thing in life by all this bickering. This thread is so we can throw jokes at each other. Hear the rules!

No politics and you don't need any music on your profile. I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended. I'll get to you shortly!



Let's start with a riddle:


If you have 4 apples and I have 7 pencils how many pancakes will fit on the roof?

Answer: Purple, because aliens don't wear hats.

yod wrote:Guys we are missing the most important thing in life by all this bickering. This thread is so we can throw jokes at each other. Hear the rules!

No politics and you don't need any music on your profile. I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended. I'll get to you shortly!



Let's start with a riddle:


If you have 4 apples and I have 7 pencils how many pancakes will fit on the roof?

Answer: Purple, because aliens don't wear hats.

Glad to see you made it back safe! The arguments just got reved up again. I posted something Jimmy didn't like as a result he started insulting everyone then the bottom fell out! I think if Jimmy left this forum would be a lot more peacefull. Have you ever noticed how lots of folks on this forum say the wrong thing and then apologize? Having said that I'll ask you have you ever heard Jimmy apologize? Nuff' said!

I apologize to the rest of the world that there are idiots like you living in this country. Don't be bitter because Robme lost the debate Tuesday, he looked like a buffoon and lost another chunk of voters (women). It's all even in my book, Monday's debate should settle it.

This thread is about having a sense of humor



I'm confident the iPhone5 will help the economy more than either candidate.


I'm in love with my bed but the alarm clock doesn't want us together....that jealous whore.

Borrowed from Jeff Coley:

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, You signed a pre-nuptial agreement. If we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris , no more wintering in Barbados , no more summers in Tuscany , no more Infiniti or Lexus in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.

Funny Yod.

Nothing fun going on anymore.

This is real stupidity and real people that want to fuuck with FREEDOM.

Yea,,,,,, MINE!

C'mon Glenny,


Laugh at it or you will go crazy. It's not healthy for us to argue with a computer screen. It'll make your fingers sore.

Let's go argue in the other threads and see who has the best jokes in this one, ok? No one has to, of course, but if you have a joke...post it here. Simple enough?


Since I like all of you, I'll mediate and we'll come up with judges of whose joke is funniest. You guys can all compete to show your brilliance for the prize of "Funniest Jerk of Bandmix 2012"

kapish?

It'll be fun.

Honestly Jimmy,

I appreciate you playing but I expected something funnier from you.






I mean, that was OK, I guess. I'm borrowing too..and that's fair.

guys...we can even joke about hating each other if you'd like.

Why can't we be friends? Because you're three gallons of crazy in a two gallon bucket and I don't have time for a mess like that!

You are such a nice person Yod.

If you don't take offense to all this crap,,, I WILL.

I believe in turning the other cheek,,

But when THEY ,,, keep slapping it time and time again,,,,,,,

I can't be as nice as you.

Welcome Back Yod.

I'm all for Peace and Smiles.


I awoke in the middle of the night and saw the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid, I was petrified...

Q: Why was the bass player arrested?

A: Because he got in treble


.

TamsNumber4 wrote:Welcome Back Yod.

I'm all for Peace and Smiles.
.[/b]

Thanks Tams

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

Redneck Medical Terms

Benign - What you be, after you be eight.
Artery - The study of paintings
Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria
Barium - what doctors do when patients die
Cesarean section - a neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan - searching for kitty
Cauterize - made eye contact with her
Colic - a sheep dog
coma- a punctuation mark
D & C - Where Washington is
Dilate - to live long
Enema - Not a friend
Fester - quicker than someone else
Fibula - a small lie
Genital - a non-Jewish person
GI series - world series of military baseball
Hangnail - what you hang your coat on
Impotent - distinguished, well-known
Labor pain - getting hurt at work
medical staff - a doctor's cane
Morbid - a higher offer
Nitrates - cheaper than day rates
Node - I knew it
Outpatient - a person who has fainted
Pap Smear - A fatherhood test
Pelvis - second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative - a letter carrier
Recovery room - place to do upholstery
Rectum - darn near killed him
Secretion - hiding something
Seizure - a Roman emperor
Tablet - a small table
Terminal Illness - getting sick at the airport
Tumor - one plus one more
Urine - opposite of you're out
Varicose - nearby / close by

http://blogs.suntimes.com/politics/2012 ... inner.html

http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/ ... inner.html



If these guys can joke with each other, why can't we?