Musician Forum - Band Discussion Board - BandMix

Sat, Kevin the singer with my band and I had a very enlightening conversation on music.

We had unloaded the gear and decided to take a break for some water for a few minutes, and for some reason I asked him why he played music? Now I have known this guy since junior high, he used to come over to the place my band practiced at all the time, hang out, and I really never knew then that one day he and I would be in a band that has played off and on together for right at 25 years.

He started off saying, John I always felt like I was on the outside, I would see you and Brooks (our drummer), you guys were so cool, and popular, you were part of the beautiful people. Kinda freaked me out that he said that cause I always considered myself an outsider, and I guess I kinda found my identity or voice by being a musician, but I never thought of myself as a beautiful person, quite the opposite. He said you had all that long hair, leather jacket, always wore mirror shades and everyone was kind of afraid of you in a way, you were larger than life.

Anyway, there was another group in the area that I knew the guys in, he said I was riding around in a car with thier guitar player and singing to the radio. The guy says, man you need to come to our next gig and sit in and sing a few songs, you sound better than our singer does. So he went to this gig and sang a couple and then the crowd was chanting for him to sing more. He said we wound up singing a whole set and he could tell that thier singer was very nervous, after the gig the guys asked him to be thier singer, they were going to fire the other guy.

But he said that really wasnt the reason I got into it, he said after I got done singing everyone there, wanted to talk to me, like I was someone, and I had never felt that way before. People thought I knew something, so singing in a band gave me my voice to say the things I wanted to say, and for people to listen.

Thru our years of playing together he had never told me all of this.

I think we were in our late 20s when I got hooked up with him in a band again. Back then everyone had pagers, and Kevin was a very mobile person so he never really had a phone to call, so we would just page him in this band that me and our drummer had before we started Aint Yo Mama. For about 3 monthes we practiced and got songs together, and then all of the sudden we couldnt get in touch with him, no answer when we paged him, nothing. So the other two guys in the band at the time found another guy to come sing or try out. This other guy came in to practice and he was pretty good, he didnt have the presence that Kevin had, but he could sing ok, so we had played a few songs, sat down and talked with the guy and were just starting to play some more songs, when Kevin comes bursting thru the door. So here we are trying another guy, and Kevin says what are you guys doing? We said playing a little bit, he said who is this guy singing, we told him his name, and that we didnt know what had happened to him so we were trying him out. Kevin looked at me and said Im the singer in this band!

So all the other guys are looking at me, cause in any group Ive ever been in it seems that Im sort of the musical leader, not always by choice, but i guess its cause noone else wants the job. So the other guy asks me whats going on, and i said well Kevin is our singer as far as Im concerned, sorry dude, then Kevin grabs the mic and we rip off a couple of songs, and its just obvious that he is way advanced compared to this other guy, so the guy left, and whenever Ive been in bands since, if I had my choice Kevin is the singer.

He said I still love the idea that I can sing, and afterwards everyone listens to what i have to say, he said its addictive is it not?

I had to think on this real hard, because I have been playing in groups since i was 11 yrs old, was always the schools hot rock band, even thou when Ive heard old tapes we sucked, but everyone just kinda clambered to us for some reason, Just sat night a few people that we all went to High School with reinforced the idea, saying yeah you guys were the hottest thing in town, and you still are.

Really flattering in a wierd way, but Im still trying to figure out what my motives to play live music are.

As we talked further I said I feel my role in Aint Yo Mama is to provide you with the sonic backdrop to allow you to do your thing, I make sure the rest of the guys are on the same page as you and I, so I just feel like the musical director, and as far as our singer goes I said I think you and i have always gone into gigs with the idea of conquering the crowd no matter what, our combined goal was to make everyone there have a good time and want to see us again, at this point in time, we are 4 way past worrying about what material makes that happen, we just do what we do, its automatic. No drama, no issues, if one person doesnt want to play a song then we drop it and move on to the next thing.

Like I said Im still trying to figure out what drives me to do it. I know when I was young it was for female attention, then later if became just a party, then later a way to get out of the house from the ex-wife. And I guess at this point its more about the music and the way we come across more than anything. I get my personal yah yahs for playing off by myself these days, and just play whatever i want too, which is fine by me.

Anyway, just thought i would share, after 30 something years, Kevin and I have had a conversation on what drives us in this band, kinda interesting it took that long to just sit and talk it thru.

Very intriguing story - thanks for sharing that. I got a kick out of the fact that you thought you sucked in High School, but no one else did. It's hard to be a self-critic I guess You guys rock the house based on what I've seen!

Cool story John! Your lucky that you still have the same relationship with your bandmates for that long I congratulate you for that! It doesn't surprise me to hear that after reading your post for so long. You seem to be a very stable, likable guy and one heck of a guitar picker! I have asked that same question of myself (why do I do this) and come to the conclusion "it's what I do" its just that simple LOL!

cool story JW Thanks for sharing...

That was well told. I think you got us all feeling kind of introspective.

Talbot

MikeTalbot wrote:That was well told. I think you got us all feeling kind of introspective.

Talbot

Yes ... what he said.


And like Jeff ... It's what we do ... even the new guy to the stage ( me ) has got that figured out already.

Been asked that same question when people saw me sweating and bleeding and training my Kung Fu seven days a week.

Why? It's who I am man ... it really can be just that simple.

but Im still trying to figure out what my motives to play live music are.

Same as me. Same as all of us. It's an obsession. Addiction. Compulsion. Without it you can't live.

In other words...you have to.

Very few people understand that, even many of those those who are driven by it. Why else does BB King still play in his 80's, barely able to walk, helped to a chair onstage? Clapton and McCartney, Ian Anderson, Robin Trower, Peter Frampton, Johnny Winter...

It's not a job, it's not a career, I'm not sure what to call it, but I know I can't stop...I'm going crazy around here for lack of any music scene, but before long it looks like I'll be back in Texas and probably playing again with the guys I played guitar with years ago. I can't wait, and it will probably be the same. We played at a benefit for our late band leader before he died, 10 years since we had seen each other and after 2 songs it was like we never stopped.

I'd bet your band is the same way. You've known each other a lot longer, played together a lot more, but the compulsion is the same. You're a musician, that's the way it is. Robert Heinlin, Isaac Asimov and Ray Bradbury were all writing books, essays and articles right up to their last days. Same thing.

Difficult to explain with mere words, how do you put a state of mind into words?

I've wondered the same thing for years, and came to the conclusion long ago...

I just have to.

To add a little perspective to my side of things.

I quit Aint Yo Mama in 1997, I had decided that it had gone on long enough for me. My singer Kevin said he wanted to carry on, so he and I worked out a deal where he bought the pa and all the band equipment from me. I helped another guy get into the loop on the guitar stuff. Spent many a nights showing him my guitar parts, and just giving him the business side of things. I ran into him recently and he said I dont many other people that would have done that, taken all that time to help him fill the spot. I said Ron, Ive spent a long time helping to build the name of our group, its special to me, and the other guys are my friends. I kept playing and sitting in with the group on a limited basis until 99. In fact a couple of times, Ron had some business scheduling at the last minute to where he couldnt play, they would call me and I would fill in.

Around 2005, my divorce started. I was a lost puppy for a few years. Around 2007, the guys called me about doing a reunion show, just a one off deal. I said sure, we did a 3 band deal. But the crowd was there to see the original Aint Yo Mama, fast forward another 6 monthes and the guys had decided to stop the original band that AYM had morphed into and wanted to reform. In some ways they saved my life, I was doing a lot of things I shouldnt have been doing, plus trying to get into a band, I played with all sorts of people, but nothing clicked, so I said sure lets get it going again.

During that period of a couple of years, I had a lot of demons in me. At one point I was drinking way too much, and a couple of times it affected my performance in the band. The guys came to visit me a couple of times, and I assumed that they wanted to kick me out, but no. They came as friends cause they were scared I was gonna hurt myself if I kept on. I guess realizing I had thier support, and they had my back no matter what, made me get back in line, and stop the madness. So in that period of my life I would say that playing in Aint Yo Mama saved my life, if I had gotten with some folks that didnt have the background that we did, then I would have been kicked to the curb. If someone playing with me had done some of the stuff I did, I probably would have kicked them to the curb, I had always had that position in bands.

I love playing music with my band, its just awesome, I dont know if we are any good or not, cause in my mind I still suck and could always be better, but I feel with these guys the sky is the limit musically, they make me sound good, and hopefully I do the same for them.

Even during periods where I wasnt in a band I still wrote music, I dont do that as much as I used too, cause my personal life is so full of stuff.

But I feel very fortunate and blessed to be with this group of guys, they are the best at what they do in my opinion, and if it ends tomorrow I dont think I would try to get a group together again, cause it just wouldnt feel the same.

Yeah, Im a musician with or without a band, but being in one and being able to perform in front of people no matter how silly the music we play is, is the best feeling in the world.

I can only hope that others on here can find a band of guys to play with like the group I play with, we are best friends and family, and it dont get no better than that.

Well, not that anyone cares but the reason I play is because I need fill my life with continually perfecting an ability that I enjoy. It used to be volleyball - played about 17 years both indoor competitive (college) and beach afterwards doing a lot of tournaments along the coast. After hitting 35 I realized that though I could still grow mentally, physically I'm on a downhill path, so I gave it up to pursue something I work on into my golden years. I've always enjoyed playing guitar and have always been fascinated by players who could play the instrument with seeming ease, so I decided to take that journey. Then I discovered the stage, and now I'm working on showmanship on top of playing - both very exciting - and I find very meditative too - I can sit down for hours to a metronome - the rhythm and synchronization of the hands, mind and beat are just relaxing and easy to get lost in.

oh, and POWERFUL - I love to hit a drop D / drop C with the amp cranked and just sit on it. The sound is amazing

Sir Jam I basically took a 10 yr break to go racing dirt bikes with my son. Would I change any of that, heck no, he and I bonded in a way that very few fathers and sons bond.

So I understand where you are coming from out of a competitive sport, I guess music is a competitive sport to me, and I try to give it 100 %.

jw123 wrote:Sir Jam I basically took a 10 yr break to go racing dirt bikes with my son. Would I change any of that, heck no, he and I bonded in a way that very few fathers and sons bond.

So I understand where you are coming from out of a competitive sport, I guess music is a competitive sport to me, and I try to give it 100 %.

I used to dream of riding a motorcycle down the coast - I've always wanted to do that... I just don't trust myself on one though - I just know I'd kill myself as soon as I hit the highway. It's great you found something you and your son could do together. That's a great way to really bond - being competitive and on the same team really brings home the idea of family.

I think I must have posted my last post before noticing you posted again - I missed the fact that your band picked you up when you fell. That's another family right there - I find that really inspiring. You're in a great place - friends and family.

Its funny racing dirt bikes was a lot like being in a road band, my son would get out of school on friday afternoon, and he and I, and this other guy and his son would head out. Ussually drive all night friday 3-500 miles away, then either ride or practice on sat, then race on sunday, then drive home on sunday night and get the kids in in time to go to school.

We spent something like 80 days in the RV one year and drove 70,000 miles, kinda crazy when I think back about it, but I would get a Red Bull and a bag of Candy Corn, and drive my tail off! LOL!

I feel very fortunate to be where I am, both personally and musically these days.

Ive been thinking about setting up my little video camera and showing my amp settings, guitars maybe a few licks and putting them on here, yeah that might be the ticket!

JW

Sounds like have made a success of your life by making the write choices. Family matters much and is a moment in time. Music is all your life. I've done poorly at that but it sounds like you have caught a good balance!

The fact that your playing is top notch is to me, an indicator of that.

Talbot

I think it's the live buzz for me, getting a great reaction for song's you have created

Had loads of hassle setting up bands and maintaining them in the past, I think it's actually impossible to get it 100% to be honest, but as long as you accept that it's not all yerself in the band, it can be fine (and nipping issues in the bud helps too).

I hadn't played a gig in 4 years until earlier this year. In a band that works finally, had this gig lined up and on the afternoon of the gig I had all these stupid thoughts, "Why do I bother with this?", "Me gut hurts I want to go the loo again" (nerves make me visit the loo a lot...a major downside to this gigging thing), "Oh, god, I gotta travel to this gig tonight, won't be able to drink as I'm driving...can't be arsed"....then the gig came...

Up on stage, quite a turn out...gulp....first song, yeah, let's do the most difficult one first, good call haha...hmm, went well, 2nd track, okay, I can stop looking at the floor now...oooh, there's a lot of people looking at me....third track, massive grin, look at the guys whilst playing.."Yeah, this is it lads, this is why we do it!!!" Rip through the rest of the set...awesome! Bring on the next one \m/\m/......getting gigs, that's the next trial heh heh