Musician Forum - Band Discussion Board - BandMix

Playing in a band has many frustrations. Personality conflicts, song selection, rehearsal, gigs, song composition, Nit picking one another's abilities, equipment p.a. purchase, girlfriends, even worse (wife's)! Club managers, owners, booking agents BS, Not getting paid, just when you think you have seen it all, turns out you haven't LOL!

Given the challenge's we face it's a wonder anything gets accomplished. Somehow we manage to persevere? My question to all you AWESOME folks is
"how in the H3LL do you persevere" in the midst of all these problems and how do you deal with your band mates. The folks you have counted on thru all the BS not appreciating what you bring to the table and being UNREASONABLE. Yet still you get up on the stage and try to be emotional and breath life into your music?

J-HALEY wrote:Playing in a band has many frustrations. Personality conflicts, song selection, rehearsal, gigs, song composition, Nit picking one another's abilities, equipment p.a. purchase, girlfriends, even worse (wife's)! Club managers, owners, booking agents BS, Not getting paid, just when you think you have seen it all, turns out you haven't LOL!

Given the challenge's we face it's a wonder anything gets accomplished. Somehow we manage to persevere? My question to all you AWESOME folks is
"how in the H3LL do you persevere" in the midst of all these problems and how do you deal with your band mates. The folks you have counted on thru all the BS not appreciating what you bring to the table and being UNREASONABLE. Yet still you get up on the stage and try to be emotional and breath life into your music?

I remember working in a live band, and all that sh*t I was dealing with was JUST to get up there and play. Some guys in the band were there to inflate their egos, some were there for the chicks, or to meet their special someone, SOME guys I jammed with were looking to just get wasted on the weekends. Whatever your reasons are, remind yourself that they are still there, and IF they are not... well then.... maybe it is time to turn the page on that chapter in your life.

I know I have done so, I miss some of the things... but most of all I missed the reason why I did it.

To connect with people through music, that was my reason. I love pusic. (People/Music)

The people on the stage, off the stage, the whole place was having fun because we were there putting on a good show, and the booze didn't hurt either. We played all the right songs at the right time. We built friendships, and shared losses and wins together, and I don't mean just within the band.



That moment is what it is all for, sounding good, seeing those people bobbing their heads, and digging what you are doing. People talking and having a good time because you are putting on a good show. The people you meet on the road, and the houses you crash at. Bacon and whiskey in the morning on toast, and days full with hangovers, dry mouths, and Jerry Springer.

Don't let anyone take it away from you. If you have to lose it, you will have to let go of it yourself in my opinion.

You just have to remember the reason you are doing it man, and if those reasons are not important enough to deal with what you are going through, then move on to better things. You are worth being in a good band, you are talented, and don't forget that.

But if you are still inspired, try to realize that everyone in a music project has a vision for every part of the project in my opinion.

And no one person should have an iron fist, don't let anyone ruin it for you, and don't ruin it for anyone else.

If you must have it taken away from you, let it go yourself.

Stick up for yourself, but use respect instead of anger.


LOL, listen to me, trying to sound like Mr. Walton with his pipe. LOL.... you know that is what a former band mate of mine told me. He thought I was being a jerk to him by attempting to give him advice.

He was right in stating he didn't ask for it, and I offended him. I HAD NO IDEA THAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.... but alas, we weren't compatible creative wise anyways. It is sad, because he was a great player.

People come first though, the instrument is only a tool and in the end it was our personalities that prevented it from working out.


So if I sound too Walton-ish, please forgive me. I am just simply here to try and help share my viewpoint.

Diplomacy never fails for a will that is sick of war.

Good luck buddy.


~J

It's to the point now that I feel the music is secondary and the comradery is primary. If I don't like the people I'm playing with I'm not there any more. Thank God I've never had to rely on music as my primary source of income. My entire career (day gig) I've had to get along with just a handful of people at a time. I've been playing with the same drummer now for about fifteen years. We're brothers really. As soon as a band becomes impersonal I disappear.

Bob, where do you draw the line between impersonal and pissed off? There has been a WHOLE lot of Grey area in "impersonal" in my musical "world"

I have never had a band... Instead I have The BluePoetSouls... which is much better... In that universe, I have stumbled upon a kindred soul in music .. And recently , I stumbled again, on yet another another kindred soul in music, (Who doesn't know yet that he's now a BluePoetSoul)
This will go on until it stops... Which I suspect will be a long way off...
The new priesthood my friends, is to embrace the people, through the musical hunger they bring .

Over time band mates come and go. I play live music because I must. It is in my bones.

We have a saying in J7 that the music is the easy part and people are the hard part. My bass player and I have been together off and on since 1979 and there is a lot of trust both musically and personally. We know each others strengths and weaknesses and run in sync pretty well. If we find that a band mate is breaking the trust or simply doesn't fit well with the other players it is time to move on. No hard feelings, no fist fights. Sometimes it just doesn't work out.

There have been players over the years who had brilliant chops and great ears and while I totally respected their playing I didn't enjoy sharing the stage with them. We were not in sync and were unable to have a musical conversation. Nobody's fault, just a personality mismatch.

Then there are those times late at night, when the band is totally in the groove, you are at one with your instrument, and you can just let go and soar for a while. All your influences come pouring through without thinking about it at all. These are the moments I live for on stage and make all the preparation, frustration and anguish worthwhile.

I'm getting the impression that to have compatibility with people in a band, you really got to have that Marx Brothers, Laurel & Hardy Chemstry..

When I was growing up, my best friend and I were the biggest clowns at school... When Ever I started goofing off, my pal followed the lead and knocked down the Pins, whereby I'd set em up again.. We brought loads of laughter to our buds...Its just there , It was our magical bond..and we were a name in our circle.

If you look at the great bands through contemporary history, they had the same bond Amidst themselves... They just knew how and when to kick in. It always worked.

Jeff, everybody has their own definition of impersonal and pissed off. I guess if something pisses you off enough then maybe at that point you need to take one action or another. I guess the proper, adult thing to do is warn the offending party or parties that if that something doesn't stop then action must be taken. But there are certain behaviors that I simply don't tolerate, certain behaviors that are inexcusable. In those situations life is too short. I can't tell YOU what YOU should or should not tolerate. That's subjective. I can tell you some of the things I don't tolerate. Jeff, I have this strange feeling something's going on with your band that you're having a hard time with. You don't have to share it here perhaps, but maybe start a thread such as "Band members' behavior that you don't put up with..." Heck, maybe I'll start that thread...

We dont have many challenges in our group, but when little things pop up we discuss things away from gigs, away from booze, away from any outside influences.

Ussually we get a practice together, which is only once in a blue moon, but half of the time is spent talking about what everyone wants out of the band.

I dont think discussing serious interpersonal issues is any good right before or after a gig.

Haley I sense some issues youve hinted at, I would just go see the person thats bugging you face to face and try to work out your differences.

All of us have some quirks to our personalitys, I think keeping a band going long term does involve a lot of compromises, I think it takes everyone taking care of the band as a unit, instead of one or two people.

I hope that makes sense.

My band always pushes everyone to play their best. Pushes hard too. We also require a good deal of knowledge in music theory.

So what do I do?
I practice what I need to practice (as opposed to what I would like to practice) to further myself as a bass player

I learn more music theory everyday, to make myself a better musician.

Why would I ever be mad about becoming better?
And for song selection, we dont have any songs that all of us don't like, that's not a problem, and for the most part, personal issues are personal, so check your baggage at the door. Unless it becomes so distracting that you are unable to perform your duties, we will not interfere.
Our band is a business, and we treat it as such.

AirViking wrote:My band always pushes everyone to play their best. Pushes hard too. We also require a good deal of knowledge in music theory.

So what do I do?
I practice what I need to practice (as opposed to what I would like to practice) to further myself as a bass player

I learn more music theory everyday, to make myself a better musician.

Why would I ever be mad about becoming better?
And for song selection, we dont have any songs that all of us don't like, that's not a problem, and for the most part, personal issues are personal, so check your baggage at the door. Unless it becomes so distracting that you are unable to perform your duties, we will not interfere.
Our band is a business, and we treat it as such.

Airviking you seem to have a good idea of what it takes to be your best and cudos to you bro!

J-HALEY wrote:Airviking you seem to have a good idea of what it takes to be your best and cudos to you bro!

I always hope to do my best, and I encourage everyone to do their best. If you agreed with me it must mean that we take a similar approach. I've noticed that people who aren't as good as they claim, or aren't serious about making a living out of music do not follow these patterns.

You are a WISE musician!

I think every band goes through a natural cycle . You start with people you maybe don't know so well but share a love of music with . You get a buzz out of jamming with them that hopefull leads to rehearsing and gigging . At some point the band plateaus at the level of everyone's combined musical ability/creativity and you lose interest pretty darn quickly . Band breaks up in some form and you stay in touch with or continue to play with those you get on with . On an individual level I have found if there is a member of the group that the majority don't get on with it's always my job to sack them because I have to have difficult conversations with people anyway to earn a living .

J-HALEY wrote:Playing in a band has many frustrations. Personality conflicts, song selection, rehearsal, gigs, song composition, Nit picking one another's abilities, equipment p.a. purchase, girlfriends, even worse (wife's)! Club managers, owners, booking agents BS, Not getting paid, just when you think you have seen it all, turns out you haven't LOL!

Given the challenge's we face it's a wonder anything gets accomplished. Somehow we manage to persevere? My question to all you AWESOME folks is
"how in the H3LL do you persevere" in the midst of all these problems and how do you deal with your band mates. The folks you have counted on thru all the BS not appreciating what you bring to the table and being UNREASONABLE. Yet still you get up on the stage and try to be emotional and breath life into your music?

Give the band a contract for 4 month periods that can be terminated at any time for any reason. One that states percentage of profit they will get from live shows, any CD sales (if they're even on it) Even if you get along well with one or all of them, they would all agree that should you have to pull in somebody knew, its just the way you do things and it works out well. Everyone knows what they get in pay, how they get paid and the requirements on them as a member. If you get along, great ..you never have to pull contracts out. You can make people pay for missing or showing late to practice. which is nice for everyone else. It's in my opinion mandatory in professional gig bands. It's more of a personality test , because any musician that is ambitious and plans to fulfill their role in the band will see the contract as a good idea and will be planning to uphold their end anyway. It's the people that get skittish on the details that give you a heads-up right from the start , since its their early warning system telling you what they intend to screw upon later once they've acclimated. lol