Musician Forum - Band Discussion Board - BandMix

THIS MONTH'S GUERRILLA RECORDING:
(Note: Listed songs are demo-single tracks. Not production quality)
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"World Without Flies"

The acoustic (Not video version)

On my Profile

Really diggin' your tunes PD. I hear lots of McCartney influence in em. Cool!

TheJohnny7Band wrote:Really diggin' your tunes PD. I hear lots of McCartney influence in em. Cool!

Thanks much johnny... Beatles, Wilburys, Dylan, Clapton.. heck...All the masters... Its what I've been raised on...... : )

Very nice , well written & played , stands on its own without much production & that is the mark of a good song (by the way I posted some stuff on my page I think Its workin now)

Dog I don't like your new picture.
seriously think about this, with this new song, just from a songwriter point of view. To make it stronger.
You have it written as an A A A bridge B B tag out song. You don't get to the hook until the end of the third A section.

Try this instead and I'll explain why. Use the 3rd verse first just to get to the hook. follow with your first verse second then your B section as the hook.
Third a section followed with anther b section. then you can do your whoa whoa (instrumental) section, B,B, tag out. So it would look like this,,,

A A B A B bridge B B out, you may find you don't even need the bridge, then it would be A A B A B B out, much stronger song form. I have tried to use the three verse in a row form and it just doesn't work that well.

( by the way AABA is a real traditional form you just can't go wrong with)

Just a thought......

GlenJ wrote:Dog I don't like your new picture.
seriously think about this, with this new song, just from a songwriter point of view. To make it stronger.
You have it written as an A A A bridge B B tag out song. You don't get to the hook until the end of the third A section.

Try this instead and I'll explain why. Use the 3rd verse first just to get to the hook. follow with your first verse second then your B section as the hook.
Third a section followed with anther b section. then you can do your whoa whoa (instrumental) section, B,B, tag out. So it would look like this,,,

A A B A B bridge B B out, you may find you don't even need the bridge, then it would be A A B A B B out, much stronger song form. I have tried to use the three verse in a row form and it just doesn't work that well.

( by the way AABA is a real traditional form you just can't go wrong with)

Just a thought......

Glen lets take a look at it,,

Note (I'm lost on some of the terms.. Whats a Tag out? and what you are calling a hook, I'm not sure I understand.

I think I get what you mean by AAA but the thing is, I'm telling a story which has an order of precedence.
If I swap A(3) position with A(1) or A(2) , then I'm essentially killing the buildup to a specific punchline. I'd be changing the face of a certain impact that I am trying to achieve. Absolutely need the bridge for this. When I wrote the song, I did try variations... Just seemed at the time this was the best order.

I don't disagree about the standard AABA, but shucks.. Sometimes a pizza has to go on without the pepperoni.

I bet ya if you listen to the song again, you 'll change your mind

GlenJ wrote:Dog I don't like your new picture.

You;ll have to settle this with Klugmo...He has insisted that the rabbit was not right...

blues edge wrote:Very nice , well written & played , stands on its own without much production & that is the mark of a good song (by the way I posted some stuff on my page I think Its workin now)

Thanks Blues! I just listened to your postings...Man that's excellent material... Makes me envious and how I wish I had a band...

The gun went off, and a man was dead. The sound of the gun shot echoed through the old empty building....He knew he had just killed his best friend out of vengeance.

Paul was always the better looking one. George was always the one that could play drums. They both lived in the better part of town, in fact next door to each other. It was natural they would grow to be best friends when they got into trouble for spray painting Mrs. Smith's laundry with paint cans, as it hung on the line to dry. They were only 7 years old at the time,what a mess.
Should have seen the colors they painted her dog,a year later......

This is just a dumb story I just made up, but the point here is to try and create interest from the first paragraph to the second, or You can say I have set the stage so I can tell the story. The point was to create interest as to what happened and who shot who and why. If your real nice I'll tell you who did what to who, but thats a whole other paragraph. C.2011!

I read your lyrics again taking into account what you said. Your first two verses are the only ones that really tell the story. Your third verse is the first time you mention your title and thus the hook. If you put your song together the way I suggested, your first verse bring you into the hook.
You have set the stage. Your second verse brings you into the story.
Then you reinforce it with your B section which also reinforces your hook.
Then you continue with your story with your second verse. And again follow up with your B section.
This is actually a very modern way that writers put things together.
Think about it. As for Klugmo FLOCK him, he just sings great, but he has no taste in clothing, especially shorts.

The frustrating thing about this site is i read peoples post & listen to their work & get excited thinking this guys got something happening if i could ..... & then remember everyone hundreds of miles apart . o well its still cool ive learned a lot from everyone already & really enjoy the diversity of music

GlenJ wrote:The gun went off, and a man was dead. The sound of the gun shot echoed through the old empty building....He knew he had just killed his best friend out of vengeance.

Paul was always the better looking one. George was always the one that could play drums. They both lived in the better part of town, in fact next door to each other. It was natural they would grow to be best friends when they got into trouble for spray painting Mrs. Smith's laundry with paint cans, as it hung on the line to dry. They were only 7 years old at the time,what a mess.
Should have seen the colors they painted her dog,a year later......

This is just a dumb story I just made up, but the point here is to try and create interest from the first paragraph to the second, or You can say I have set the stage so I can tell the story. The point was to create interest as to what happened and who shot who and why. If your real nice I'll tell you who did what to who, but thats a whole other paragraph. C.2011!

I read your lyrics again taking into account what you said. Your first two verses are the only ones that really tell the story. Your third verse is the first time you mention your title and thus the hook. If you put your song together the way I suggested, your first verse bring you into the hook.
You have set the stage. Your second verse brings you into the story.
Then you reinforce it with your B section which also reinforces your hook.
Then you continue with your story with your second verse. And again follow up with your B section.
This is actually a very modern way that writers put things together.
Think about it. As for Klugmo FLOCK him, he just sings great, but he has no taste in clothing, especially shorts.

The trouble I have with the modern way that songs are written, is that while they conveniently satisfy the marketing 'box', it doesn't necessarily make them 'good' songs. (Just listen to the crap on FM today, You'll get all the AABA you can eat, followed by serious indigestion...)

Now I cant answer to everyone's sensibilities... Needless to say, if you find my song un-interesting, I can only hope that's its for any reason other than its lack of AABA pattern. I fully expect that my song wont resonate with everybody...but one thing they cant take away from it..is that its honest.

Not discounting the AABA pattern But I cant reconcile it with this song...so I'll try it on a new one later.

Good song PD, I listen to it 3 times 2nd listen I thought it could be shortened but by the 3rd I thought it was right on. Reminds me a bit of Mother Natures son. What other instruments do you hear accompanying the guitar?
I still favor the Ballad of PD and bench for 2

And Nietzsche is not crazy... probably the only one who is right.

It's a matter of intent. A song like this, in this format is usually written
for the writers own satisfaction. Some writers cant differentiate between
commercial and personal song writing. It is nice but is not something you would
hear on the radio. I personally write in a commercial format as those
songs on my profile. It comes from learning to write from the radio.
There are certain parameters that must be met to be realistic about
writing commercially.

Your new avatar is great. It gets rid of that wimpy feel the other one
gave off. Thank You.

Glen, I believe has a white boney knee fetish and Loves to display
them in public. Maybe it's a Trucker thing. [/b]

Klugmo my friend,,,,,,
you ggwekbchdcnwigig

Ack, ank-ack-ack, ack, ack-ack-ack-ack.