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#143510 by fisherman bob
Tue Mar 29, 2011 6:25 am
I know it may be hard to believe but I've been kicked out of bands. The first time it happened to me I was devastated. A few years later I actually played in a band with the same guys who kicked me out. We would like to think that our bandmates are almost like family. They are NOT family, unless they actually are family. Bands are in no way, shape, or form a substitute for family as much as we would like them to be. It's hard not to take things like this personally but that's what you have to do. Blood is thicker than water. Your real family is your family. Wives, brothers, sisters, children, THEY are family. We want to be accepted, we yearn for attention in our musical endeavors. Perhaps part of what we yearn for was missing when we were growing up, lack of attention. Kerry, knowing a little about your past I commiserate with you, I understand your pain. Maybe you need to re-define what being in a band means to you. If you take things like this personally then perhaps in the future treat your bandmates as professional colleagues. That's really what they are. Bands come and go. I can't remember all the different people I've performed with over the years. I have lost contact with nearly all of them. They are NOT blood. I may NEVER quit playing in bands. I'm a musician, that's what I do. I never get too close to band members. I know they will always come and go...

#143517 by Kruliosis
Tue Mar 29, 2011 8:51 am
I used to say, never start a band with your friends. But it doesen't feel as loose and creative when you feel like you're playing with employees. Friends come and go, but it's hard when they leave the band and you never even see them again.

Crip, it sounds like your story is different than what I'm talking about. I mean, you guys are still aquaintences. I'm sure if you asked them what happened you would get one of those "oh, dude, I didn't know you wanted to play man, you shoulda said somethin'...duh". Or "bro, I'm sorry, I totally didn't think about and (insert excuse here). Of course, people get defensive when they know they're wrong, so why bother asking them.

It's easy to tell someone not to let it bother them, but if you get hit by a truck it hurts. You can even forgive them, but that doesen't mean that there's not an open wound.

As far as the crowds are concerened...I think if you just took a two month break and got back to doing another show then the people would show up. Folks tend to take bands for granted that play regularly. They figure that they'll just see you "next time".

Here's a trick that one band I knew did:They would announce that the show was their last show. A couple months later they would do it again, and say that it was for real this time. They pulled it off about 5 or 6 times and packed the place! Funny sh*t! :lol:

#143539 by Crip2nite
Tue Mar 29, 2011 6:49 pm
I'm gonna honor my already booked gigs but then I'm honestly thinking of taking a break from it all for a while... I can't go a day without practicing...some sort of OCD thing I have but if I quit playing, I quit practicing and RELAX for a while when I get home and also dedicate my weekends more to my family.... No rock star here.... just playing the same damn tunes every other weekend ....coming off stage...going outside and lighting a butt,,,come in and do the rest of my gig....pack up...collect the $$... get home when the sun is up and sleep almost all day... gets boring and tedious after a while. Oh .....and I found out why I wasn't asked to do Jamfest...Turns out the wife and I don't go out often enough to support the other bands because my kid gets rushed to the hospital almost every other weekend so we don't go out and I only go out to gig lately sans the wife. They're insulted and told me "Out of sight...out of mind" Such is life... I've made more enemies since I've picked up the axe again than I ever did. Before I started playing again, I didn't have an enemy in the it turns out I've got quite a few.....some I didn't even know of! :roll:

#143541 by KLUGMO
Tue Mar 29, 2011 7:13 pm
Don't blame yourself, don't blame the axe. People will be people no matter what you are doin.
Seems to me you need to make a choice between doin what you have to for the money and your family.
Or doin what you have to for the family and your mental health.

#143543 by Kruliosis
Tue Mar 29, 2011 7:23 pm
I know exactly where you're coming from Crip. I left music for 12 years because very good friendships were severed. Funny thing is, I never did anything to deserve it. If anything, I'm always the calm one who tries to get everything together, and mediate when there's an issue. I may have made a few mistakes, but I always fessed up for my wrong doings. But here I go again, getting ready to try out for some bands while trying to start a second one. It could either do me a lot of good, or maybe not. At this point there's not much to lose or worry about.

But like what Jimmy was saying earlier, there is a lot of jealousy in Rock. Honestly, I just don't understand it. Already the guy who was supposed to play drums with me has failed to respond to my email asking him why I haven't heard from him, and if he still was down with it. sh*t, It's music! Pack up your stuff and play, or be courteous enough to not waste anyone's time. I see no reason to call him.

I don't get that whole out of sight. out of mind statement. Why did they invite you down to the gig? For the audience draw? To make you feel bad? An adult would give you a handshake and a hug and tell you that it was nice to see you.
#143591 by jw123
Wed Mar 30, 2011 5:57 pm
Crip2nite wrote:...your former bandmates set up a "jamfest" inviting anyone and everyone who plays locally to get up on stage for a night and show off their talents. To add insult to injury, I got an invitation to be a spectator. I have no beef with these guys and am still friends with them and converse once in a while on FB. I don't know if it's because I stopped playing the hard metal tunes I have in the past with them... or because I'm actually getting higher quality "paying" gigs unlike them or they just don't want me up there on stage? For some reason it really is getting to me to the point of depression as it would've been fun getting up there for just one night with my old friends. I'm hurt and very much insulted as them and their significant others are also friends with my wife and they've been to my house numerous times! I don't understand it and am thinking that there is a deep seated hatred toward me since I've gone "commercial". They never re-post my gig ads and they've not once come to any of my shows whereas my wife and I have done so. I wonder what happened.... don't have many friends here to begin with as I've been out of the loop for decades until I picked up the axe again 5 years ago.. I feel betrayed and I feel that the only reason for their "friendship" was because I was their lead guitarist...I also feel embarrassed because I was invited but not asked to play...

Just needed to vent... It would've been fun.. :(

All I can say is F U C K T H E M!

Wed Mar 30, 2011 10:22 pm
What JW said!

#143617 by Chaeya
Thu Mar 31, 2011 12:45 am
You can always come play with me and Cisco, Crip. :wink:

That happened to Cisco where he was called up - dig, he was called up and asked to come to this barbecue jam. Everybody got up there and did their little songs then they all left until it was just Cisco, his friend who stayed because he's actually a friend and this lame drummer. It was heartbreaking when there's nobody out there to listen to you but a few leftover guests and cold food.

Cisco was so angry, we left and since we were near Borders I asked to stop there and pick up a book. He likes looking at the magazines so I thouht it would make him feel better, but he was really hurt, I hadn't realized how bad. He was sulking down in the chair. To add insult to injury, this employee walks by and says "this is not a flop house." And I heard him say "what did you say?" He sounded offended so I went over and asked him what happened and he told me what she said. I was livid, I marched right over there, and asked what she said to my husband. She claims she didn't say anything. I repeated what she said and then she said "well we get a lot of homeless in there." I pointed Cisco out and yelled at the top of my lungs, "do we look f**k homeless to you?" The manager came over and tried to defend her. We're dressed to the nines, leathers, make up and all. Are you kidding me? I make more money than the two of you put together. I told them I'd never step foot in their store again and I'd go on Facebook and tell our over 1,000 friends not to come there. I had a nice little crowd going there. I should've told Cisco to go plug in his guitar and we could have performed, but that would've been too good for the likes of them. I threw my books down right in the center of the aisle and we left. Really? I never went back there either and they went out of business a year later. Ha!


#143629 by Kruliosis
Thu Mar 31, 2011 3:54 am
She said "a flop house"? Oh man, I don't know how I would react to someone saying sh*t like that to me. Your man must have good self-control...they would have arrested my ass.

#143631 by Chaeya
Thu Mar 31, 2011 4:01 am
He's the controlled one, I'm the psycho girlfriend. Grrrrrr, snarl, biff, pow.

What ticked me off, there were people "flopped" all over the place, most bookstores have kids "flopped" all over the place, but then she picks my "well-dressed" husband to say some crap to. I told them both off real good.


#143643 by Crip2nite
Thu Mar 31, 2011 7:51 am
WOW Chaeya, I understand what Cisco was feeling! With me, it's not the fact that I'm not really playing.. for cripes sake, all of them have heard and seen me play in multiple bands and clubs regularly over the past 5 years. It's the fact that they had the gumption to invite me and my wife tobe spectators of this event! The guy that actually started this is someone who I've helped out in the beginning of his playing. He wanted to form a band but only plays rythm guitar and asked me to do lead for his band till he found a steady one. Him and his wife came over my house on weekends with his equipment and I helped him out with songs(some I couldn't stand) so he wouldn't look like a dumb ass on his debut...He is very popular and brings a ton of peeps down! We meticulously wnt over songs by: Kiss, Sabbath, Aic, etc... took quite a while for him to get these down but the debut was a success! I'm just shocked and hurt that he forgot the "sacricfice" I made for him even though I was in 2 bands at the time (Rat Salad and PanikAtack). Like I also mentioned, that event is gonna be packed to the gills and to add insult to injury, quite a few of my former band mates that I'm still friends with are going up on stage and I'm supposed to sit there in the audience and cheer these guys on?? I actually got a lot of these guys some great exposure as I was tthe one who formed, booked and picked the songs out when they were in my band! It was always a fun gig with these guys and I'm just shocked I was asked to attend but not to play! Anywayz...I'm over it...I wrote him a letter with my sentiments and told him to stop inviting me to his dumb gigs as I can barely make it to my own and have a good life... I've got more important issues to deal with than this...I just felt like venting here because it's music related and where is a better place to talk about it then here. I've never said a word on my FB page nor a word to any of my former band mates....just talked and wrote to the actual guy who set up this event!

#143646 by neanderpaul
Thu Mar 31, 2011 1:15 pm
Set up a home studio! Throw your energy, frustration, ocd, and MAJOR TALENT into some originals man. Maybe some covers too. You got it! If you don't want to deal with what I consider the hardest part to record - drums. You could just work with a click, record all the back, and guitar parts, maybe keys, and then take what you have to a studio for a drummer to finish. Home equipment today gets great results! Good luck dealing with this. I'm rooting for you! :D

#143653 by Crip2nite
Thu Mar 31, 2011 4:04 pm
That would be great if I didn't just get rid of all the equipment in my basement studio and turn it into a freakin' gym and entertainment room for the wife and kiddies! :roll: Now I just practice in my little office with my little 30 watt amp and leave one amp at the house I rehearse and the other one stays in the living room till I have to move it for gigs! :lol:

#143654 by neanderpaul
Thu Mar 31, 2011 4:11 pm
Doh! What about audacity?

#143655 by Crip2nite
Thu Mar 31, 2011 4:55 pm
You've come up with a great idea, Paul, to keep me from giving up all that hard work and $$ I've put into music to date. I'm going to honor all gigs I've got booked with my band and ponder on what my next move should be....

The funny part is, NOW my band is talking about originals and recording and such.... They haven't a clue as to my possible's just a little weird that they've come up with this now....I never told them about my predicament with my other friends... They're talking about maybe keeping it cool for a while on the live gigs and maybe going for a few original tunes as I think they've been around too long now (8 years) and aren't really drawing what they used to so minds are at work! :wink:

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