Musician Forum - Band Discussion Board - BandMix

When I wrote this song it was within the realm of my supposed imminent coming death. I wrote it along with many others for me and myself alone. I never expected or intended on anyone else ever hearing it.
Therefore it is very special to me in the deepest way.

I guess I wrote that to put this question in context...

IS THIS SONG COMPLETE?

http://www.myspace.com/blunderingeye/mu ... n-43947656

As in do you think the guitar, bass and vocals alone sufficiently express and convey and the intent of the song.

I performed it solo at a show I did before a play on a 3 night stand and got more comments and compliments, and stronger audience reaction in general on this song than any other.

I would like to have a better recording (like without the flu) with mastering to keep it full, but I'm not sure I want to add anything else.

Nice piece.
Late in the song a little string or maybe flute to add a little more haunt to the sound. Going from the minor key into the major can create the feeling of resolve so the minor melody can be real dark yet you can still find peace going back into the major. Creates that feeling of optimism if that is your intention.
But I do tend to over produce my own music so....

Your voice, &, thus, your lyric, is lost in there.

Nice vocal effect in the chorus, but it needs more presence. I'd like to have it a lil more full with a lightly larger production. An oboe would keep that melancholy feel, or a flute, maybe some strings or a swelling organ (to coin a phrase - but you get the idea)...

I'd prolly use an instrumental break between the verses, too, to emphasize the feel of it all.

Thanks guys.
Phil I had the flu when I recorded this... and 11 of the others, so my voice is a little weak. I was happy just to make it through the session... and it took a lil buds & suds to do that.

I have thought of adding a mandolin in selected parts but don't really want an instrumental bridge.

Jahva the song is about the duality of death and yes optimism (over moving on to the next realm) was a major part of the intent.

I guess I have to ask you to imagine it with a better production as the structure is the aim of my question.


Here are the lyrics:

Nearly gone now
can feel it in my bones
I'm coming home
Feel it drawing me
it's calling me back home
but where are you

Need you to lead me on
make sure the flames are lit beneath me
make sure my eyes are closed

Then you can bathe me
rub me in oils
wind the Lennons round me
then send me on
When I'm gone
When I'm gone

How bad can it be
though I can't take you with me
but I must go on
When I'm gone
When I'm gone

I didn't notice the song here.
Went to MySpace - saw the song there, but I can't play any music on MySpace, for some reason.

Me personally, I would like to hear female vocals as accompaaniment. I like the volume of the guitar but your voice is hidden behind the guitar and in this case, the lyrics are the most important part of the song. Of course a flute would be nice somewhere in there. Hey, it's me. Mandolin would be a nice addition as would cello and/or viola. Nice song, Hayden.

Why mess with it ?

Play it with a 12 string, change the voicing on the chords where you think you want mandolin. See how that works.

I do hear a flute that starts at :12 and holds the root chord note (vibrato) through the change and ends at about :19, then again during :32 and :39, then plays the melody of your "when I'm gone" as accents within the song.

I think the hook is in the "when I'm gone" melody

That's a beautiful composition. I like it just the way it is. Haunting melody that builds into a satisfying resolution. Well done!

Nice! I do like the arrangement the way it is. Simple, haunting, mood setting, but... this is the age of ProTools. You could try a cello, flute, panpipe, or primitive percussion on separate tracks just to explore some ideas. Sometimes magic happens. When it's time to mix just choose what works best. I don't see room for a full drum kit on this song but I hear percussion of some kind.

Mix: Yes bring up the vocals. Put the focus of the song in front. Get a second set of objective ears in the room when you mixdown.

Good Luck!

Liked it more the second and third listens. Being able to read the lyric brought some clarity for me. I still hear some strings through the when I'm gone lines.
A friend told me long ago the best songs are the ones that sound good with just a singer and an acoustic guitar. Everything else is just sprinkles on your ice-cream.
I think you're there.
I like the abrupt end as well, as if the lights just got turned off, so to speak. Nice piece.

Thanks everybody! it really makes me feel good to hear that you all like it, and get it

I had to sing and play together on the same track (no time for separate tracks) so I couldn't make the vox any louder. I was lucky to get that much volume from my voice... and still breath, and have time to throw a bass track on it; Hey flu or not, it was a free session in my living room so I couldn't say no let's wait... especially since he drove for a few hours on his dime to get here and record me

Thanks Austin!

NEEDS EFFECTS [/b]