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Here's my story BMX'ers:


I got an e-mail a few days ago about a paying gig in June for my cover band. It's for a non-profit org. Outdoor venue, only two hours (we can go longer if we like they said). The venue is an hour away in a small town (place I know pretty well). The gig is from 7pm to 9pm.

I immediately called my band mates to see if they were available.

My drummer e-mails back saying there is a conflict. His girlfriend's mom is getting married that day at 4pm in our town and he can't go.



Now, here's where I get pissed off. We've been trying to get this band off the ground for a long, long time. Some of us have been busting our asses trying to find venues and gigs. We ended up doing a gig for the US Census people in March that we're actually (finally) going to get paid for. And based on that gig, we're getting called for this gig in June.

And now my drummer is saying, "Sorry, I have this wedding to attend to". It's not even his mother-in-law because he's not married to his girlfriend. And it's at 4pm. I mean, if he really wanted to do this he could attend the wedding, say his congratulations and bust his ass to the venue to setup and play, couldn't he?

This just irks the sh*t out of me. We bust our ass rehearsing and rehearsing and trying to find gigs, and paying gigs are rare around here, so we finally get someone approaching US about a paying gig, and he's automatically wussing out on us...

Should I be mad?

I am to the point where I just want to take my singer and go do duos. F*ck it. She's the only professional, reliable member of the band. And she's my BFF. I can count on her to kick ass. I'm thinking it's just too much work otherwise. At least with my vocalist I know the two of us will be prepared, on-time and always ready to put a show first in front of everything else...

Thoughts?

ColorsFade wrote:Here's my story BMX'ers:


I am to the point where I just want to take my singer and go do duos. F*ck it. She's the only professional, reliable member of the band. And she's my BFF. I can count on her to kick ass. I'm thinking it's just too much work otherwise. At least with my vocalist I know the two of us will be prepared, on-time and always ready to put a show first in front of everything else...

Thoughts?

I think this is the way to go Colors. You may be sinking too much time and effort that may not go anywhere.

Ever think about hiring jobbers for gigs?

I feel your pain but this is one you'll have to let go. He could probably do both but it won't sit well with his gf and could cause him to depart the band. Is it really worth it? This comes up more than we would like; people go on vacations, go to graduations, concerts, etc. and cannot be expected to make it to every rehearsal and gig. If possible just do the gig with your singer or get a stand-in for that night.

Colors this is typical.

Let me look at this thru the drummers eyes, his gf's mom is getting married which Im sure is a huge deal to her. Its at 4 pm, but afterwards there is always some sort of reception. Hes trying to keep peace with her. I can understand that.

There may be more times when youve had stuff like this, but its a pain to get everyone on the same page with a "hobby" band.

As Santos said get a sub drummer, if thats possible.

Dont answer any musician adds that say drama free!

I feel your pain. Paid gigs these days are hard to find. Maybe ask the wedding to be rescheduled...

jimmydanger wrote:I feel your pain but this is one you'll have to let go. He could probably do both but it won't sit well with his gf and could cause him to depart the band. Is it really worth it? This comes up more than we would like; people go on vacations, go to graduations, concerts, etc. and cannot be expected to make it to every rehearsal and gig. If possible just do the gig with your singer or get a stand-in for that night.

Yeah Jimmy, I understand the girlfriend thing... it's just annoying. Our drummer has way too many irons in the fire. I can't even talk about all the other sh*t he's into - all his hobbies that effectively kill various weekends throughout the summer. I had him send me a list of days/weekends when his other "hobbies" would prevent us from playing gigs. I referenced that calendar first when I got news of this gig and was excited because this particular weekend was free. Then he tells me about this wedding. It's like, "Dude, when the f*ck are you actually available? Because it looks like NEVER"

I'm just annoyed.

Sh*t like this happens and I get more and more glad I'm moving across the country... Time to start over.

sounds like he's too busy, to be part of a working band, but I have to say he's morally locked into going to the wedding, and staying, unless of course you want to force him to choose between his GF and the band, in which case, she who holds the sex card, always wins. I'd do what you can to make this gig happen, either through a jobber, or I'd start looking for another fulltime drummer. Duos are great, but nothing is like a full ensemble.

fisherman bob wrote:I feel your pain. Paid gigs these days are hard to find. Maybe ask the wedding to be rescheduled...

I hear ya Colors! My old band had a bass player issue similar to your issue, but he'd also just show up to practice if he felt like it, let alone hinder us when gigs were already booked. So we fired him and trained another bass player. Then our drummer quit on us (I was the only one that he called) right before the battle of the bands put on by Budweiser. If your band wins that...you get a recording contract and 10,000 CD's paid for, Budweiser sponser, shows set-up with national acts, ect., ect.

The real bitch of it is that the three judges came to one of our practices a week before John quit and told us that we had the win in the bag. They were scouting all of the entrants before hand just to see what they were going to hear. The competition is for all original bands ONLY.

Now THAT'S something to be pissed about!!!

Metal D wrote:I hear ya Colors! My old band had a bass player issue similar to your issue, but he'd also just show up to practice if he felt like it, let alone hinder us when gigs were already booked. So we fired him and trained another bass player. Then our drummer quit on us (I was the only one that he called) right before the battle of the bands put on by Budweiser. If your band wins that...you get a recording contract and 10,000 CD's paid for, Budweiser sponser, shows set-up with national acts, ect., ect.

The real bitch of it is that the three judges came to one of our practices a week before John quit and told us that we had the win in the bag. They were scouting all of the entrants before hand just to see what they were going to hear. The competition is for all original bands ONLY.

Now THAT'S something to be pissed about!!!

That's terrible metal D. Sounds like you guys were on your way to the touring circuit. Why did those members quit? I mean, seemed like you were doing all the right things. Could it be the pressure?

I think your drummer is a pu**y whipped wuss and your better off without him.

It makes me sick to even think about all the members I've had quit or kicked out because of excuses.

Yo Colors, commitment to a band is important. Look at it this way, if your drummer's boss said he HAD to work on that day or else, what do you think he would do?

I think you know what you need to do...find a replacement before he sets you guys back any further. If he loved being in a band, he would man up about his current obligation to play the gig...regardless of whether anybody else understood the importance or not.

I don't getit. Is your drummer the only drummer on the planet? I would bet you that you can find a substitute who can fill his shoes temporarily. Contact any music program at a local college and you will find someone with the skills that you need. This idea isn't to find a replacement but to find a substitute. It's a pain but it happens when there is a conflict in a band. What do you do? Sacrifice a paying gig because a member will be absent? Get over it and get yourself a sub before someone else gets her. Actually, when your drummer sees that you will get a sub, he may not be so willing to pass up a gig again. Realistically, if I were the drummer, not only would I get the sub for you, I would bring him to all the rehearsals and teach him his stuff. Seriously guys, this is done everyday.

Dude, i have to say, if i was your drummer, and you got mad at me over this, i'd punch ya, really hard, it's not personal between me and you obviously so don't get angry at me, i'm just sayin : ) Mate, it's a wedding, can you imagine the sh*t he'd get for not going? he probably isn't looking forward to it, who ENJOYS weddings? But you'd do the same thing. It's totally disrespectful to her family too if he ditches early, and one more consideration, and it's a b ig one dude, it's a COVERS BAND!! Maybe you're taking a bit too seriously, if it was an important gig for an originals band, it would be different, what are you getting paid for this gig? it's a non-profit organisation so i'm guessing it aint gonna be much if anything, i see the frustration man but for you to come on here bitchin, it's obvious you dont see the big picture, if i was his girlfriend (god! don't think about that too much !!! : ) and he chose a covers band gig over my mums wedding, i'd dump him in an instant!!

Dude, i have to say, if i was your drummer, and you got mad at me over this, i'd slap ya, really hard, it's not personal between me and you obviously so don't get angry at me, i'm just sayin : ) Mate, it's a wedding, can you imagine the sh*t he'd get for not going? He probably isn't looking forward to it, what guy ENJOYS weddings? But you'd do the same thing and if you wouldn't, you should have a think about that, or ask your Mrs, see what she says!! It's totally disrespectful to her and her family too if he ditches early. There's one more consideration too mate, and it's a big one, it's a COVERS BAND!! Maybe you're taking it a bit too seriously, if you'd ditch your girls mum's wedding for that, you have issues, seriously, if your life is a covers band to the point where it's more important than your loved ones, you need to have a word with yourself. If it was an important gig, for an originals band, A+R man turning up blah blah blah, it would be different, but it's not. What are you getting paid for this gig? It's a non-profit organisation so i'm guessing it aint gonna be much if anything, i see your frustration man but for you to come on here bitchin, it's obvious you dont see the big picture, if i was his girlfriend (wierd i know!!! : ) and he chose a covers band gig over my mums wedding, i'd dump him instantly!! Think about it...