Musician Forum - Band Discussion Board - BandMix

I didn't know him well. Hardly knew him at all.

He was the other music teacher at Dddonnie's store.

He seemed like a pretty cool guy. Had all his hairs. Good looks. Played guitar, bass, keys, & taught just about every instrument to be found in mainstream USA music. He was also a piano tuner.

Drank himself to death, night before last.

I wonder about ppl that do this kinda thing. He had so much going for himself, but there was nothing that he could do, evidently, but drink.

Wasted life - & it's hard to care, for me, anyway. I mean, I suppose it's sad & all, but in the end it was his own choices, right? Helluva epitaph.

We traded some teaching techniques, & I was surprized when he took some of my own & applied them, cuz he'd been teaching a lot longer than I.

When I discovered his drinking problem, I just wrote him off, cuz that's what I tend to do with stuff I can't handle or help. No one wants to follow ppl down that spiral.

Another guy I know is going tha hard way. He's got HepC, prolly from sharing a needle, always going for the buzz. In the last 5 yrs he's been going downhill faster than your average roller coaster. He got a hernia, & had an op. There were complications, & he got an infection. They gave him percs for the pain, though it contains Tylenol, which is hard on a liver.

Now he has built up fluids in his abdomen & testicles to the point that he no longer looks really all that human, with that yellow tint to his skin. He also developed cirrosis, as he puts it, from getting those percs. Of course he also let drop the info that he went through 2 week's worth in 5 days, cuz he was in so much pain (though he knew the pills would worsen his condition).

It's hard to dredge up all that much sympathy for the self-destructive, ain't it? I took him some chili I made a while back, but he said it was too spicy. I also send him business when ppl need the parts he specializes in. But I no longer involve myself in his life on a more personal basis.

I guess it makes me look pretty jaded, or inhumane, or just makes me look like an a-hole to some ppl.

I dunno the point to this rambling post. It's nearly 3 AM, & I feel pensive about recent news, is all...

Ya know Phil,This is the shoot I've been screaming about.
Personally I think you are a good guy.
It just makes me mad when our govt has stolen so much away that talent is of no concern.

I am only troubled by your faith in the govt to raise your living standards.

Its just not gonna happen. This NEW GOVT DOES'NT GIVE A CRAP ABOUT YOU!!!

Glen, I have no more faith in the gov't than I do in you or Craig.

The gov't has nothing to so with this topic. Can you step off your soap box for 20 minutes & read this small post without feeling the need to preach at me?

I guess not...

PUHLEEEEZE....Let's not drag this thread down the political sewer like almost every post in the last few months. Stick to the personal/philosophical side and leave politics where they belong...on the evening news or in already political posts...which, you may have noticed, I rarely if ever participate in..and I've seen way too many recently, seen friends ready to rip each other's heads off...this didn't start with politics, leave it that way.

Phil, I unnerstan zackly what you're thinkin..I'm pickin up what yer puttin down, as a friend would say.

I've had to walk away from friends before who had serious booze or drug problems, you can't do a thing unless they WANT HELP...otherwise, it's wasted time and breath. It sucks, I hate it, but I have to do the same as you and just get away from them. I've lost a couple of friends too, the same ways. Drugs, booze...both kill way too many people every year.

I know someone now who's like that, although he was never a friend, didn't like the guy from day one, but he used to hang out at a friend's house pretty regular. Didn't drink unless someone else was buying the beer, always bumming something or other and always a line of excuses a mile long for being a useless loser...And another who is almost as bad, he's quit drinking 30 times in 5 years, never lasted more than a couple of days. my friend has finally kicked both out, won't even tell them where his new place is.

One is a guitar player, or thinks he is, I had the dubious opportunity to jam with him one day. Sounded like crap, couldn't get the guitar in tune, (I finally took it from him and tuned it) and gave up after an hour of listening to excuses...strings must be dead...this guitar just doesn't sound good...neck must be warped...strings too high...I finally told him the truth, you haven't touched a guitar in several years and you're too drunk to play anyway. He doesn't like me much these days...but it was the truth.

True, the guitar is not great, but the strings were only a couple of weeks old, I put them on, and I can make the guitar sound decent...even good... I even showed him that...truth is, he's an alcoholic, that's all that matters any more, and he really hadn't touched a guitar in at least 5 years, that I know of. He simply didn't like the truth. He won't be around much longer either, he's aged 20 years in the past 5, looks 70 and is around 50, I'm pretty sure his liver is hanging by a thread...nobody can do a thing, he doesn't want to climb out of that rut.

I think you did the only thing you could do. Walk away and not loet them drag you down too. It may seem cold and callous, but it's the only thing you can do until a person says "I need help". Then you might be able to help. Until then, it's a waste of time. And it really sucks to watch them do it...

Phil, I guess you posted again while I was typing...but glad you feel the same way.

NO PHIL. I have been through some very steep stuff this past year and it is assholes that have caused it. No I am not going to step off my "soapbox"

You think you have been on the hellenback show,,, you don't have a clue.

Typical liberal,,,Whats in it for me?

Glen, I know you're bitter & angry & frustrated. You used to have at least some helpful or hopeful things to say.

Now it seems as though you're hellbent to just spoil every thread, every thought, with your vitriol.

I used to like you.

I'm being forced away from that. Sad commentary, that, I suppose, but I really don't have all that much to do with it.

Blast away. Have fun with your petty angers.

I'm moving on...

GOOD

philbymon wrote:I didn't know him well. Hardly knew him at all.

He was the other music teacher at Dddonnie's store.

He seemed like a pretty cool guy. Had all his hairs. Good looks. Played guitar, bass, keys, & taught just about every instrument to be found in mainstream USA music. He was also a piano tuner.

Drank himself to death, night before last.

I wonder about ppl that do this kinda thing. He had so much going for himself, but there was nothing that he could do, evidently, but drink.

Wasted life - & it's hard to care, for me, anyway. I mean, I suppose it's sad & all, but in the end it was his own choices, right? Helluva epitaph.

We traded some teaching techniques, & I was surprized when he took some of my own & applied them, cuz he'd been teaching a lot longer than I.

When I discovered his drinking problem, I just wrote him off, cuz that's what I tend to do with stuff I can't handle or help. No one wants to follow ppl down that spiral.

Another guy I know is going tha hard way. He's got HepC, prolly from sharing a needle, always going for the buzz. In the last 5 yrs he's been going downhill faster than your average roller coaster. He got a hernia, & had an op. There were complications, & he got an infection. They gave him percs for the pain, though it contains Tylenol, which is hard on a liver.

Now he has built up fluids in his abdomen & testicles to the point that he no longer looks really all that human, with that yellow tint to his skin. He also developed cirrosis, as he puts it, from getting those percs. Of course he also let drop the info that he went through 2 week's worth in 5 days, cuz he was in so much pain (though he knew the pills would worsen his condition).

It's hard to dredge up all that much sympathy for the self-destructive, ain't it? I took him some chili I made a while back, but he said it was too spicy. I also send him business when ppl need the parts he specializes in. But I no longer involve myself in his life on a more personal basis.

I guess it makes me look pretty jaded, or inhumane, or just makes me look like an a-hole to some ppl.

I dunno the point to this rambling post. It's nearly 3 AM, & I feel pensive about recent news, is all...

It is times like this when we realize how incredibly fragile life is. I think that we spend too much time on negativity which depletes life, one way or another. As fragile as it is, life is what we make of it. We can't rely on the government to make our lives happy so why dwell on the gov't inabilites.

Did this music teacher have a wife and kids, Phil? What do they need? Flowers, money, food, card. Just because you don't know them, give them a little attention. It will make you feel better...just my $.02

No kids. A multiple dicorcee who lived alone. A drummer found him when he stopped by.

He had no one, really, that I know of, other than his students & fellow musicians.

I think most of the comments pretty much nail it.

I happen to know I've got a bit of a self-destructive bent in my personality, so I'm maybe a little more sympathetic than most of you are.

Still...

I'll get on little bits where I might drink a bit more than I should. I've dabbled in other controlled substances in my youth. But I always wind up looking in the mirror and saying, "Enough, I'm done now".

And I realized a long time ago that that's what's needed. You can't tell someone they are destroying themselves. Especially if the problem is true addiction. Addiction won't allow a person to be reasonable about their addiction. It's the nature of addiction.

But I've know other people where what was going on was not addiction, but depression. Them, you can help. Maybe. I dunno. Sometimes it's enough to point out to them that they are depressed and they need help. Which is really all you can do. It's always worth telling them once. If it's depression, it might help. If it's addiction, they'll probably hate you and not want to associate with you. Or they'll ignore you.

I'm a big believer in compassion. I think we should do everything we can to help our fellow humans. I even believe we should sacrifice our own comfort sometimes to help. But only if it will help. One thing about addicts I've learned is that compassion can all too easily become enabling.

So, while I certainly sympathize and even understand, I have to walk away as well. I can't help, but I can avoid making it worse.

(RE: Politics on non-political threads. Not to put too fine a point on it; shut the F*% up!)

philbymon wrote:No kids. A multiple dicorcee who lived alone. A drummer found him when he stopped by.

He had no one, really, that I know of, other than his students & fellow musicians.

Wow, he must have suffered with some kind of depression issues. There is not a whole lot I can add except how bad it makes me feel. I had 2 deaths this year, within a month of each other ( my mom and aunt ) and I am still reeling from them. I also played at a funeral a week after my mom died. Death has been such a big part of my life this year. It really makes you sit back and reflect.

philbymon wrote:He had no one, really, that I know of, other than his students & fellow musicians.

So, this, I suspect, is the root of his self-destructive spiral.

Humans are social animals.

When we fail to create social bonds (as he apparently did) we effectively commit suicide.

aiki_mcr wrote:

philbymon wrote:He had no one, really, that I know of, other than his students & fellow musicians.

So, this, I suspect, is the root of his self-destructive spiral.

Humans are social animals.

When we fail to create social bonds (as he apparently did) we effectively commit suicide.

Very true.



Well Phil, you said you didn't really care about this person, but I'll offer condolences anyway. Personally, this kind of situation is one of the saddest to me. He didn't die for a cause, or pass away being missed and mourned by many.... It sounds as if he died virtually alone. And THAT is truly tragic.

I have some difficulty with the neo psychological approach to explaining self destructive behaviors. They are the end result of personal choices in our lives.
Why do we continue to look for the reason for mans tragedy when a mans tragedy is the reason?