General Music Chat

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:


"Bubba,

Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.

Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and
messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell
from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.

Better wait outside. Be right back.

Cooter"

LOL!!!

I love that Phil! I'm going to use this one.

I used to kid about getting a mean pit bull, having it's vocal chords removed, and then just let the burglar break in. He'd never hear it coming.

Another one to toss in the ole toolbox!!

Phil is batting 1000 today! Nice!

I got that one in an email.

If I were to design my own security system....I'd leave a note like this -



"Jimmy -

Wait outside. Billy's in the house, but you might be better off leaving him there for awhile...at least until I get back. He ain't been right since he got bit by that 'coon when we were out hunting last week.

He's quiet enough, but he just don't look right to me, & he took off after Jack this morning & tore him up pretty bad. I never seen a man bite a pitt bull like that before. I thought they was playing until I saw all the blood.

So I'm off to the vet with Jack, but I should be back soon, cuz it looks like Jack's gonna hafta stay overnight, at the very least.

Come to think of it, that 'coon didn't look none too healthy, either.

I told Billy I'd take him to the Dr when I got back, but I don't think he was listening. He was just kinda staring at the sink with this look of rage in his eyes I never seen before.

Your rifle's still in my truck. Thought I might see a deer on the way home.

Be right back.
Phil"

Simple sign.

Security by Winchester.

Of course I always liked "Never mind the dog, beware of the owner" too. Usually had a picture of a gun barrel...

I'd love to see what would happen if someone came in my house in the wee hours, my cat growls at anybody that walks in except me. But she hisses first...I'm pretty sure most petty thieves would have to go change pants...

I'm devious too, I'm into doing things like a cowbell on the inside of the door, or lean something up that makes a lot of noise when it falls, rig it up so a bucket of water is dumped when the door is opened, a recording of a tiger growling....there's plenty neat things you can do with a little thought.

A friend here has his storage building hooked up to an electric fence box. Touch anything metal and ZAPPP...I'd love to get one for my door knobs...

Ihave at the top of my drive "WE DO NOT DIAL 911 !! " I also thought about the pitbull with aids???