General Music Chat

This is a more simple vocal song I have, just wanna see how im doing

Intro (instrumental)

Verse1
I often wonder when this dead night will come to end
A dream thats so real I dont realize that Im stuck again

Chorus
Never climbing, never conquer, a dream that never ends
stuck in four walls... trapped here again (repeat)

Trasnitional Bridge

Verse2
I walk alone in the late night of your city streets
why is there no one who can tell me how this came to be

Chorus
Never climbing, never conquer, a dream that never ends
stuck in four walls... trapped here again (repeat)

Trasnitional Bridge

Solo

Verse3 (1 again)
I often wonder when this dead night will come to end
A dream thats so real I dont realize that Im stuck again

Chorus
Never climbing, never conquer, a dream that never ends
stuck in four walls... trapped here again (repeat)
Never climbing, Ive never conquered, this nightmare never (blanking) ends (HOUSE OF PAIN-background vocals) Stuck in my mind, trapped here AGAIN!

Not much vocally its more of and instrumental. go ahead and give critizism on this

It's hard to critique without having music with it to see how it flows..however...using end, and again...too often can make a song sound too redundant....songs don't always have to rhyme....

I'd like to hear the song with music for a better feel.

oh wow your right... the way it was originally written down didnt let me see it that way... wow. your right.

I second the Strange one.
I was going to say that I cannot judge lyric outside of the music, even before I read her response.
Even dipshit lyrics can come off cool with the right musical context.

This is a more simple vocal song I have, just wanna see how im doing

Intro (instrumental)

Verse1
I often wonder when this dead night will come to end
A dream thats so real I dont realize that Im stuck again

Chorus
Never climbing, never conquer, a dream that never ends
stuck in four walls... trapped here again (repeat)

Trasnitional Bridge

Verse2
I walk alone in the late night of your city streets
why is there no one who can tell me how this came to be

Chorus
Never climbing, never conquer, a dream that never ends
stuck in four walls... trapped here again (repeat)

Trasnitional Bridge

Solo

Verse3 (1 again)
I often wonder when this dead night will come to end
A dream thats so real I dont realize that Im stuck again

Chorus
Never climbing, never conquer, a dream that never ends
stuck in four walls... trapped here again (repeat)
Never climbing, Ive never conquered, this nightmare never (blanking) ends (HOUSE OF PAIN-background vocals) Stuck in my mind, trapped here AGAIN!

Not much vocally its more of and instrumental. go ahead and give critizism on this

Well, I like it. The lyrics create a subjective image of someone dreaming they are wandering the streets looking for a way out, not sure how they got in. I think what is missing is more description of the streets you are walking - are the streets clean? is it a slum? and the walls, is there a wall around the city? Is it brick, or textured like a brain? I think the lyrics in and of themselves are a great start - add some verses in there help the reader picture what's in your mind (pun intended).

Good idea Chris, Ill look into a transition within the verse so things dont become monotonous.
A lonely dark road where you cant see in front of you and you cant turn back is how i see it. just need to find the lyrics for that now.

That is not the urbanization I want. And if you share my idea of the healthy environment but with modern technology standards and affordable, well-done accommodations for the citizens then check out https://www.breezewriting.com/before you will apply for the next conference. Peace!

I like it because it is cheerful.

Most of the stuff I write is depressing.

I like it because it is cheerful.

Most of the stuff I write is depressing.

Slacker - 7 year old thread awakened by a spammer!

Are you a Lovecraft fan Mike?

"Across strange eons, even death shall die!"

Talbot

"
Slacker - 7 year old thread awakened by a spammer!"

Do you think his writing has improved since then?

"
Slacker - 7 year old thread awakened by a spammer!"

Do you think his writing has improved since then?

Who can tell - no longer has a BM profile!

Hey at least Sir Jamsalot has resurfaced this year!

Evidently he didn't like us.

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