Personally I like it...I think partially because it reminds me somewhat of Nine Inch Nail's "Broken" EP. Probably Reznor's least-mentioned work, although there's many times when it's my favorite. Partially I think it's kind of a memories-related thing (I was probably around 13-ish when that came out, so, you can probably figure what I'm getting at), partially because it's so guitar-heavy. I'm probably going to be walking to lunch listening to "broken" now that I've heard your song...(good thing though, hehe). Also reminds me somewhat of KMFDM also. They had some interesting guitar-spazz moments mixed in with their industrial too. Something else I should listen to as well again (but alas, it's not in the ipod, so no listening to KMFDM on the way to lunch too). Anyway, yea, granted, the song needs to be organized a little bit more to be a more proper song (which it sounds like you're getting at too), but I like what I hear, and would definitely be interested in hearing the final product if you're going to be messing with it more.
Interestingly enough, I'm working (closer to finishing up) on a song right now with a similar beat. Decided to take a similar beat to Ministry's "Just One Fix" and see what I could do with it. If anybody's interested, I'll let ya know when it's done and up. Won't be as guitar-spazzy as your's though (I have more of a punk sound, although I try to do some metal-type stuff, as far as the guitar-playing, gotta keep it interesting, I'm a-thinkin').
When done with it, probably need to put it up on this site too...For some who have been harking on this in other posts, I know, I know, I need to put up some work on this specific site. But in my defense, I do have some work up on my myspace (
www.myspace.com/andrewbrewer1 ). Also have a lot more on my virb site (
www.virb.com/andrewbrewer ). So many sites to upload to, so little time, arghhh. I realistically have to upload my stuff mostly through my work computer, because right now I only have dial-up at home (stupid being broke stuff). Anyway, if you're going to the virb site, the other stuff I'm working on right now is under the "Boneyard" album under the discography section. Three songs right now, hopefully five when I'm done. And all with bass, if one guy who might be contributing comes through for me.
And now, for your listening pleasure, the shameless plug (dum-dum-dum): www.myspace.com/andrewbrewer1