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#285189 by schmedidiah
Mon Apr 09, 2018 10:05 pm
The only thing that op has told us that shocks me is that he's still the drummer in the band. Get him straitened out or toss him on the wood pile and go get a new drummer already. Pussyfooting around this issue isn't getting things done.
#285197 by aiki_mcr
Tue Apr 10, 2018 1:03 am
schmedidiah wrote:The only thing that op has told us that shocks me is that he's still the drummer in the band. Get him straitened out or toss him on the wood pile and go get a new drummer already. Pussyfooting around this issue isn't getting things done.


If it were up to me, the guy would be gone. Long gone. But it isn't.

One thing that has become crystal clear from the responses here is that our band leader is not thinking clearly on this point. Since he's kind of a control freak, it's going to be difficult to convince him. But I've made my position on this drummer clear. And I'm going to communicate the rest of what I've learned.
#285493 by aiki_mcr
Tue Apr 17, 2018 7:16 pm
I posted this on Facebook regarding this situation. I got a comment from our singer and another from one of our guitarists which made me think they think I'm being this guy:

Talented a$$holes.

For most of my adult life I've been aware of a phenomenon that I've recently begun to worry about a bit.

We've all known this person. He's amazing at what he does. He leaves the rest of us so far behind we can't even concieve of how he can be that good.

And he believes - really believes, it's not an act - that he is merely competent. He doesn't see himself as in any way exceptional. This leads him to a fundamental misunderstanding about people around him.

He sees others as completely, massively, incompetent. He can't understand how people so uselessly stupid can manage to feed and clothe themselves. To be clear, this is not the arrogant jerk who thinks he's way better than he is. We all know someone like that as well. No, this guy really believes himself to be merely competent and doesn't get why others aren't.

The arrogant jerk we can simply dismiss as not worth our time. He's usually not very good at what he does in any case. But that talented jerk who is way more talented than he realizes is often a pretty nice person who is just a little confused.

How would you go about dealing with someone like this? Remember, this person is clueless that the standard he sets for himself is beyond the ability of people around him. He's going to find it difficult to accept, let alone believe.


Turns out, I probably am. Or at least some other people think so. Which makes me both happy and sad. I mean, WOOHOO, there are people who think I'm good enough to be this guy. But, um, well, I don't think I'm that good. Don't get me wrong, I'm very confident in my playing, but if I'm that good, how come I'm playing in two-bit bar bands?

So, as far as the drummer, well, I mean, his timekeeping is not up to my standard. He is trying and he didn't speed up on Friday when we played...as much. But he started dragging on a lot of stuff. And he still drinks too much.

But it turns out I might be holding him to an impossible standard. Which makes me an asshole. :(
#285495 by GuitarMikeB
Tue Apr 17, 2018 8:43 pm
For musicians, there are usually 'those full of themselves' (skill level is inconsequential, they are impossible to deal with for any period of time), 'those who are humble - and are patently aware of their abilities or lack thereof', and 'those who are humble - and supremely talented'.

Really sounds like you need to find another band if you can't get rid of that drummer.
#285502 by larry71917
Wed Apr 18, 2018 12:55 am
WElll im sympathetic, as a drummer, and musician. Perhaps its time for an INtervention..if all of you are in agreement I can offer advice on training your inner clock.//but then booze defeats the purpose
#285515 by aiki_mcr
Wed Apr 18, 2018 5:28 pm
GuitarMikeB wrote:Really sounds like you need to find another band if you can't get rid of that drummer.


Oh, if only that were a real option. Any band I actually want to be in already has a really good bass player who isn't going anywhere (I wouldn't if I were in their place). I've learned this the hard way. Staying in this band is my best bet for getting to know people who would start a band like I'm looking for. And it's kind of working.

I've looked on Craigslist, BandMix and a half dozen other places looking. All the bands looking for bass players around here are thrash/death metal bands or the worst sort of classic rock band (we play *bada$$* music and we don't *care* if anyone actually likes it) bands.

So, I'm biding my time, putting up with the nonsense. For a while.
#285516 by Mordgeld
Wed Apr 18, 2018 5:50 pm
You know, writing off all the other bands because they aren't doing exactly what you want might be doing your visibility a disservice. I have enduring contacts that I might work with again simply because I gave some stuff a try that I might not normally do. You may greatly influence the direction of the band you jam with if they find you to be talented. Some folks you jam with might follow you into a new project. But then, maybe San Jose is way different than Sacto. There are hundreds of working musicians where I practice. Maybe you should move a little farther north.
#285517 by aiki_mcr
Wed Apr 18, 2018 6:18 pm
Mordgeld wrote:You know, writing off all the other bands because they aren't doing exactly what you want might be doing your visibility a disservice. ... But then, maybe San Jose is way different than Sacto. There are hundreds of working musicians where I practice. Maybe you should move a little farther north.


So, it's funny. I actually have a house in Stockton and a Condo in San Jose. I choose to look for musicians in San Jose because - so far - what I've found in the Central Valley is either all blues radio or, well, really awful. I'm sure there must be good musicians in the area, but I haven't been able to find them (and once again Craigslist, etc. have been pretty unhelpful). I've generally had much better luck in the Bay Area. I've thought about looking into Sacramento, but I'm even less connected there than in San Jose.

As for writing off bands: I'm in a band that's not really what I'm looking for. Two of them, in fact. I don't think I could stand a third. The thing is, one of these bands could so *easily* be exactly what I'm looking for if the band leader would just relax his rigid ideas about what music we should be playing. I like most of what we do now and I think it (mostly) works for our audiences, but I think we'd be doing a lot better if we fixed three things:

- Branch out on our repertoire. Just broaden our horizons a little.
- Get a better drummer.
- Drop a few songs that aren't working all that well.

The problem in San Jose is kind of weird. For the longest time everybody was looking for a bass player. You could find guitar players everywhere, but not bass players. But there are an awful lot of bass players in the area now. I'm not sure what happened, but I think some of it is that some of those guitar players discovered they could have more fun and work more if they played bass, except now that's not true. Another factor is that there just aren't that many venues left in the Bay Area. They're all switching to DJs or not having music at all.

My age is also an issue. At 57, a lot of the bands I would want to be in have a settled in lineup that they're not likely to change.
#285519 by Mordgeld
Wed Apr 18, 2018 6:56 pm
Huh, well, doesn't seem as bassist heavy up here. We could use a stand-in as our singer is working on getting up to the level we need on bass since we couldn't seem to find a talented bassist. But, first we need a drummer to replace the one we cut loose. I make sure to keep recorded tracks so practice will happen and we stay tight no matter who is missing. We are up at Sac Rehearsal Studios. There are many rooms here w/ 6mo waiting list. The bassist I know from jamming in another project is actually in a project next door to us. He's 50 iirc, and he's down to 4 bands he's in now. Ugh, I'm happy to be in just one project now. I get down to the Bay Area periodically. Maybe this Saturday I'll be down that way. Let me know when/where you play and I might be able to catch a show.
#285525 by aiki_mcr
Wed Apr 18, 2018 8:47 pm
I list all my gigs on my BandMix profile:

https://www.bandmix.com/aiki_mcr/

I think we're at San Pedro Square this Saturday. I've never played this venue, but it sounds okay.
#285526 by Mordgeld
Wed Apr 18, 2018 9:01 pm
San Pedro Square looks pretty cool. I'll have to see if I'll be nearby when you guys play.
#285576 by J-HALEY
Fri Apr 20, 2018 11:51 am
aiki_mcr wrote:I list all my gigs on my BandMix profile:

https://www.bandmix.com/aiki_mcr/

I think we're at San Pedro Square this Saturday. I've never played this venue, but it sounds okay.

I like your bands and your bass playing. I watched your videos you guys are great, the kind of band I would take my Girl out on a date to see.
#285588 by aiki_mcr
Fri Apr 20, 2018 8:23 pm
J-HALEY wrote:I like your bands and your bass playing. I watched your videos you guys are great, the kind of band I would take my Girl out on a date to see.


Thanks. I appreciate that.
#285667 by aiki_mcr
Mon Apr 23, 2018 6:20 pm
And it turns out, the venue on Saturday bans the band from drinking at all on the premises. So he was sober through the entire show.

And he played way better than usual.

I'm shocked! Shocked, I tell you! How could sobriety actually improve his playing.

SMH.

On the other hand, I've learned that I am by no means the only person in the band who thinks he sucks. So I expect this problem to be resolved soon.

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